Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU to get my hair done on a saturday

41 replies

girlmummy25 · 08/06/2023 20:34

So, I quite literally never go to a hair salon as my sister is a hairdresser so cuts my hair at my house however, I wanted a colour done on my hair that my sister cant do so wanted to go to a hair salon. The appointment takes 4 hours.
My mum doesnt work Mondays so watched my kids aged 4 years and a 8 month old whilst I got it done.

I mentioned to my partner that I was lucky to get a last minute appointment on a Monday while my mum was off work as the next Saturday available was in 2 months time.

My partner (of 10 years and 2 kids) said I shouldnt get my hair done on a saturday as thats his day off work and basically he doesnt want to sit in on his own watching the kids whilst i get my hair done for 4 hours. He basically said that I should ask my mum or sister to watch the kids in the week while I get it done.
Bare in mind ive never done this in the 10 years weve been together and was a one off.

I cant get over this and cant let this comment go. Im so annoyed over it.

Surely im not being unreasonable to ask him to watch his own kids for 4 hours once in a blue moon on his day off!?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 08/06/2023 20:36

Of course you arent

mayorofcasterbridge · 08/06/2023 20:37

He's a lazy arsehole!!

Maybe you need to take personal time more often, not less.

Why are his kids your mother's responsibility?

Sheselectric77 · 08/06/2023 20:39

Obviously ynbu
I assume you never go out alone?
Have you asked him why he can’t parent his own dc? How pathetic

abyssofwoah · 08/06/2023 20:39

Is he a misogynistic tosspot about everything? Did you ask him why the hell he thinks he has less responsibility to look after his own children than your female family members?

Zuyi · 08/06/2023 20:39

Oof fighting words from your partner there, OP! I admire your restraint.

Vegalam · 08/06/2023 20:40

What do weekends look like normally? Is very hands off because 'he works all week' ?

SaveMeFromForearms · 08/06/2023 20:40

Wow, what a prick. Is he good for anything at all?

birdyblue12 · 08/06/2023 20:42

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.
It's so important as parents that you both get time to do things for yourself.

If i were you I'd be be sitting down and having a clear conversation with him and explain how his comment has made you feel.

Does he have any friends with kids that could come over for a play date whilst you're out? Or even a friend without kids that might be keen to spend a few hours with your two? That might make it seem a bit more exciting for him (not that you should need to make it more exciting.......he's their dad after all!!)

GoalShooter · 08/06/2023 20:43

Does he ever do stuff that's just for him and leave you looking after the kids? If so then he's being totally unreasonable.

Nanny0gg · 08/06/2023 20:43

birdyblue12 · 08/06/2023 20:42

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.
It's so important as parents that you both get time to do things for yourself.

If i were you I'd be be sitting down and having a clear conversation with him and explain how his comment has made you feel.

Does he have any friends with kids that could come over for a play date whilst you're out? Or even a friend without kids that might be keen to spend a few hours with your two? That might make it seem a bit more exciting for him (not that you should need to make it more exciting.......he's their dad after all!!)

Why has she got to sort out what he does with his own children?

He's a fully grown parent - he can sort himself out!

Swansandcustard · 08/06/2023 20:45

Hope he’s very rich, super hot and exceptional in bed, otherwise….

he’s actually moaning about spending time with his kids?

LadyLapsang · 08/06/2023 20:46

It sounds like he needs a bit of practice at this parenting malarkey. Go out with your mum and sister and leave him to it. How lazy and entitled to expect them to look after his children.

BodenCardiganNot · 08/06/2023 20:49

Surely im not being unreasonable to ask him to watch his own kids for 4 hours once in a blue moon on his day off!?

It's a bit sad that you have to ask MN if that is an unreasonable thing to do. You know it isn't. You seem to have had children with a man who is not particularly into parenting. The question is what are you going to do about it.

birdyblue12 · 08/06/2023 20:50

@Nanny0gg oh believe me, I wasn't suggesting she sorts anything out for him - absolutely right he can do it himself.

I was simply pointing out that OP could always remind him that he doesn't have to 'sit on his own' and watch the kids if he doesn't want to. If 'sitting on his own' is the issue, there's plenty he can do to avoid that.

RememberNancyDrew · 09/06/2023 00:00

Standing hair appt every 6th Saturday sounds like a great plan.

Zanatdy · 09/06/2023 06:34

So he never has the children on his own? It’s for your mum to look after them so you can get your hair done, but not him? Unbelievable.

Bananalanacake · 09/06/2023 06:42

And if you wanted to go to art class every Tuesday for 2 hours would he not allow you or make it awkward for you

Shoxfordian · 09/06/2023 06:45

He sounds lazy, sexist and just like he doesn’t really want to be a parent - complete waste of space

JuneOsborne · 09/06/2023 06:48

Well, now you know that he views you as childcare and nothing more. It's going to be a long few years raising those kids with a man like this.

Do you like him? Do you like being in a relationship with him? What joy does he bring to your life?

GoodChat · 09/06/2023 06:53

God forbid a parent should have to look after their own children alone.

Which day is your day off, OP?

Kiwano · 09/06/2023 07:05

Point out he doesn't have to "sit on his own watching the kids". He could be a father to them, play with them, take them out, y'know, like normal men.

Beautiful3 · 09/06/2023 07:15

It's just a one off. He is being lazy. How many saturdays/Sundays has he had, playing football/cycling/going to the pub? Leaving you at home with the kids!

JC89 · 09/06/2023 07:19

Sounds like the perfect opportunity for some Daddy bonding time! He doesn't have to "sit around" (I doubt the kids would let him anyway), can take them to the park, soft play, the library, on a bus, to the zoo... You need time for yourself too - it sounds like he needs to get used to the idea of parenting by himself for a while, you're only asking for half a day! Is he not confident? Maybe start with a couple of hours while you nip to the shops/for a coffee?

He's a parent of two young kids, he doesn't get a whole day off every week and the sooner he realises that the better...

SallyWD · 09/06/2023 07:35

Awful! So he doesn't want to spend time with his own children but expects your mum or sister to give up their time in the week to look after them? That's really not on.
Does he never go out during the weekend leaving you with the kids?

toomuchlaundry · 09/06/2023 07:39

Does he ever have them on his own? How much parenting does he do?