What just happened?

Pixiedust1234 · 2023-06-08T13:45:06+00:00

No idea why I'm posting. Part upset, part wtf, part diary. But I need to get it out. Yes, I'm trying to find a way to leave but it's not easy. DH has got up after a nightshift and made us both a coffee, he was smiling, seemed okay but I was on the phone. I went to sit on the sofa with him to talk about the phonecall as there was something he needs to know. He wouldn't stop looking at his phone so I asked if it was something interesting and next thing he was shouting at me, really top of the voice shouting, rolling his eyes and huffing, "for fucks sake, its nothing, why should it be fucking anything, what the fuck is your problem..." at which point I walked out. I shouldn't be in tears over that, should I. It's just stupid. So why am I?

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 08/06/2023 14:52

He's out of order. You were trying to have a conversation with him, surely his phone could wait a few seconds.
Could be he's just tired and grumpy, I can be when I first get up but it does sound like he was a bit defensive.
He needs to apologise for his outburst

gardenweed · 08/06/2023 15:49

Of course you 'should' be in tears if that's your body's way of responding to an entirely uncalled-for rude and aggressive response to a simple question.

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 08/06/2023 15:51

You were on the phone originally then you finished and then you were annoyed because he was on his phone?

gardenweed · 08/06/2023 15:54

Where does it say OP was annoyed?

Whenwillitallmakesense · 08/06/2023 16:01

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 08/06/2023 15:51

You were on the phone originally then you finished and then you were annoyed because he was on his phone?

Being on a phone call and being on your phone are two different things, as you well know. If he was too busy to talk he could have politely said so. If you don't think this is an overreaction, then I dread to think what you put up with in your own relationships but hey, horses for courses and all that shit.

OP, was this a one-off (still not acceptable) or does he often have these outbursts?

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 08/06/2023 16:17

gardenweed · 08/06/2023 15:54

Where does it say OP was annoyed?

Where she asks him if there is anything interesting? You know that's what it means!

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 08/06/2023 16:19

Whenwillitallmakesense · 08/06/2023 16:01

Being on a phone call and being on your phone are two different things, as you well know. If he was too busy to talk he could have politely said so. If you don't think this is an overreaction, then I dread to think what you put up with in your own relationships but hey, horses for courses and all that shit.

OP, was this a one-off (still not acceptable) or does he often have these outbursts?

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What on earth are you on about? You decide you are going to insult me and my relationships because I put one comment on a thread?

gardenweed · 08/06/2023 16:24

@DedicatedFolllowerofFashion Oh I see. You mean sarcasm. I read things at face value. If someone asked me if it was anything interesting I would assume they wanted to know if I thought it was interesting.

perfectcolourfound · 08/06/2023 16:25

You say you've already decided you need to leave. Is your decision to leave linked to his dismissive / rude / shouty behaviour?

Of course what he did isn't OK. If it was a true one-off, you might put it down to being tired (and he would no doubt apologise for it).

If this is who he is; if he doesn't see the need to apologise, then he just sounds like an angry, rude, disprectful man.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 08/06/2023 16:25

@DedicatedFolllowerofFashion and you didn't make assumptions about the OP's mood and how she reacts in her relationship? Based on a one line sentence?.

Where she asks him if there is anything interesting? You know that's what it means!

But you have your assumptions about other people's relationships, and I'll have mine. Fair enough?

Pinkdelight3 · 08/06/2023 19:21

You were on the phone originally then you finished and then you were annoyed because he was on his phone?

That was my first thought too, and being on a phone call isn't automatically higher status than texting or whatever he was doing on the phone. It does read like the OP was happy to ignore him until she wanted his attention and then she was arsey about him ignoring her. Could be fairly typical relationship irritation with nightshift thrown in or could be more but hard to say with this info. He could be a twat or she could or they both could just be on the ropes.

Thisisbollocksmark · 08/06/2023 19:23

That sounds pretty upsetting to me.

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 08/06/2023 20:43

Whenwillitallmakesense · 08/06/2023 16:25

@DedicatedFolllowerofFashion and you didn't make assumptions about the OP's mood and how she reacts in her relationship? Based on a one line sentence?.

Where she asks him if there is anything interesting? You know that's what it means!

But you have your assumptions about other people's relationships, and I'll have mine. Fair enough?

I asked OP if this was the case? Read what I said.

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 08/06/2023 20:43

Pinkdelight3 · 08/06/2023 19:21

You were on the phone originally then you finished and then you were annoyed because he was on his phone?

That was my first thought too, and being on a phone call isn't automatically higher status than texting or whatever he was doing on the phone. It does read like the OP was happy to ignore him until she wanted his attention and then she was arsey about him ignoring her. Could be fairly typical relationship irritation with nightshift thrown in or could be more but hard to say with this info. He could be a twat or she could or they both could just be on the ropes.

Exactly.

Original poster

Pixiedust1234 · 08/06/2023 20:45

I was on the landline talking to his family regarding his frail mother. He was scrolling on his phone, no idea what at. Could be texts, world news, tiktok anything but he wouldn't look at me even when I tried to start the conversation regarding the call so I asked if it was anything interesting like a cat video etc. I was okay to wait until he had finished watching but there's a big difference between 5 minutes of tiktok and a film.

He's finally gone to work after doing lots of pa things, including offering to make a cup of tea then only making one for himself. Leaving back door wide open when he left. Tv still blaring. And he's not offered food yet again.

In case you are wondering i have no money so can't buy food myself and he buys things that need to be eaten by more than one person, ie whole chicken, packs of mince or stuff only he likes.

He won't apologise. He's never said sorry, ever.

OP posts:

FictionalCharacter · 08/06/2023 20:49

He's completely unhinged. Have you posted about him before, about the food situation? I hope you can get some help to leave.

BodenCardiganNot · 08/06/2023 20:50

In case you are wondering i have no money so can't buy food myself and he buys things that need to be eaten by more than one person, ie whole chicken, packs of mince or stuff only he likes.

What the actual fuck?? Why have you no access to money?

Galectable · 08/06/2023 20:52

It sounds like he's hiding something. He didn't want you to know what he was reading. He panicked and started shouting. I would be very upset too. I'm not sure what you should do next. Talk to a counsellor? You could do your head in trying to guess what he's hiding. It could be a work problem, a secret addiction or another woman? Good luck.

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 08/06/2023 20:54

Pixiedust1234 · 08/06/2023 20:45

I was on the landline talking to his family regarding his frail mother. He was scrolling on his phone, no idea what at. Could be texts, world news, tiktok anything but he wouldn't look at me even when I tried to start the conversation regarding the call so I asked if it was anything interesting like a cat video etc. I was okay to wait until he had finished watching but there's a big difference between 5 minutes of tiktok and a film.

He's finally gone to work after doing lots of pa things, including offering to make a cup of tea then only making one for himself. Leaving back door wide open when he left. Tv still blaring. And he's not offered food yet again.

In case you are wondering i have no money so can't buy food myself and he buys things that need to be eaten by more than one person, ie whole chicken, packs of mince or stuff only he likes.

He won't apologise. He's never said sorry, ever.

It seems odd to throw this food thing in now. Surely that should be the main point of your post?

Original poster

Pixiedust1234 · 08/06/2023 20:55

Probably. I've been going to bed hungry on/off for years. I'm struggling to leave as I have no money/no job but the GP is being kind and referring me to different things to see if they can help.

I cant work out if I'm getting more upset this year or he's getting worse. I never used to cry but now its most weeks. I'll be fine i guess, I just needed to put it down somewhere. Making sure I'm not going mad.

OP posts:

Whenwillitallmakesense · 08/06/2023 20:57

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 08/06/2023 20:43

I asked OP if this was the case? Read what I said.

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Good try @DedicatedFolllowerofFashion

You could have waited until OP replied in that case, eh?

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · Today 15:51
You were on the phone originally then you finished and then you were annoyed because he was on his phone?

gardenweed · Today 15:54
Where does it say OP was annoyed?

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · Today 16:17
gardenweed · Today 15:54
Where does it say OP was annoyed?
Where she asks him if there is anything interesting? You know that's what it means!

That's not judging or making assumptions at all, right?

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · 08/06/2023 21:04

Whenwillitallmakesense · 08/06/2023 20:57

Good try @DedicatedFolllowerofFashion

You could have waited until OP replied in that case, eh?

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · Today 15:51
You were on the phone originally then you finished and then you were annoyed because he was on his phone?

gardenweed · Today 15:54
Where does it say OP was annoyed?

DedicatedFolllowerofFashion · Today 16:17
gardenweed · Today 15:54
Where does it say OP was annoyed?
Where she asks him if there is anything interesting? You know that's what it means!

That's not judging or making assumptions at all, right?

Show quote history

Oh do go and have a fight with your partner or whoever it is that has got you in such an ugly mood.

Midsummernightmare · 08/06/2023 21:05

It sounds like there’s a lot more going on than just this outburst over the phone. You’re married but have no money to buy food, your husband doesn’t buy you food, you have been going to bed hungry for years……wtf?????
I think you need to go to a women’s refuge as alarm bells are ringing all over this!

Whenwillitallmakesense · 08/06/2023 21:13

@DedicatedFolllowerofFashion haha, hit a nerve did I? Let's stop interacting now, it's boring me

Dery · 08/06/2023 23:01

OP - why do you have no money? Why have you been going to bed hungry for years? This makes no sense. If you can’t work, couldn’t you be claiming some benefits? Everyone needs money. It’s very troubling that you’re in a situation where you have none.