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Original poster

Inlaw's didn't come to wedding

59 replies

Inlaws · 07/06/2023 15:18

We are just married and something is really bothering me. We had a small family wedding with close family - parents/brothers/sisters and children. Everyone was asked and I was texting all sister in law's in the weeks prior to the wedding, giving them directions, where to park etc. None of them or their children came to the actual wedding ceremony just the reception. None of them told me they weren't coming with the exception of one. We only found out the evening before they weren't coming as my DH asked them directly, which meant the evening before we got married I spent crying My MIL told me one couldn't come because she was getting her hair done! The other told my DH she didn't know she was supposed to go to the ceremony. AIBU to be annoyed at this? It's really upset me. I don't understand why they wouldn't come, I don't know them particularly well but thought I got on Okay with them, and they have known DH for a very long time. It makes me feel like I am unwelcome and they didn't want to celebrate our wedding.

OP posts:

FictionalCharacter · 07/06/2023 22:29

Littledogball · 07/06/2023 22:16

You aren't taking on board the the traditional and cultural way we do weddings in this country is to send a card with the invitation clearly written out for specific people and with specific instructions. If you choose not to do this then you confuse people. If I got a text invitation to a wedding I'd assume I was only asked as a casual thing to make up the numbers as someone else who has got a proper invitation couldn't come. I'd take it as come if you like and perhaps your dhs family are miffed as they think this is what you have done.
That's certainly how I would read it if I was invited to a wedding this way. It just inane done.

The brothers weren’t confused, OP’s own family weren’t confused, so why were only the SILs confused?

Anissue · 07/06/2023 22:29

Possibly the lack of formal invite indicated it was quite casual, hence their response?
Obviously really rude.

drpet49 · 07/06/2023 22:32

Titmumma · 07/06/2023 18:44

You need to read up on the "let them trend"

They want to be dickhead in laws? Let them. They've shown their true colours and they have confirmed what you and your DH mean to them.

People reap what they sow so hopefully it'll be the sisters caring for them in old age since they clearly don't care about you - so you don't need to care about them.

Congratulations on your marriage OP! 😊

This, this and this

Katiesaidthat · 08/06/2023 10:33

I am not in the UK, and lack of formal invite would make me think casual.
I would make mental note and mirror their behaviour, that way if ever there is further "confusion" you won´t be disappointed.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/06/2023 11:58

I've been to weddings where the registry office bit was the "legal minimum" with just witnesses as the couple wished to marry in different way. For example a religious tradition that's not covered or a late evening candlelit ceremony or an outdoor ceremony.

Could they have thought they weren't all expected at the legal bit? I'm not sure what I'd made of being invited to a wedding without an invitation to be honest.

perfectcolourfound · 08/06/2023 16:55

Sorry if I'm being a bit daft...

So your DH has brothers. The brothers came to the wedding but their wives and children didn't?

That is odd I agree.

Clearly it's nothing to do with the invitations as you were very clear, and all your family managed to attend. It's really rude to just not turn up at a wedding. They sound odd. I'd keep a distance and be grateful you have a loving family.

Anothercomment · 26/10/2023 06:35

Did you send them a proper invitation? Or just rely on your husband to tell them. It does seem odd.

WandaWonder · 26/10/2023 06:40

I can't get my head around all this adding up, if it is during the week does anyone work as you have mentioned 'no one was working' sure people work weekends and all sorts but there seems a lot of miscommunication - I would not go to a during the week wedding

would have been simpler to send invites with proper details as RSVP dates

haribosmarties · 26/10/2023 06:40

My MIL didn't come to our wedding and let us know on the morning of the actual day. My husband was stood at the alter when she phoned. Her seat was there with the name on it throughout the ceremony as there wasn't time to alter the seating plan so everyone knew she hadn't turned up.
He is her only child and had never been married before.
I didn't cry about it and neither did he but I don't ever see her now and he takes the kids to see her for a couple of hours a couple of times a year. It's her loss. She could've been part of our lovely family but she isn't really.
I do feel deeply sorry for my DH this isn't the only way she's been utterly shit to him in his life.

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