Exh and school holidays

[hotpeppers]

We have been separated for 2 years. 2 DC between 10 and 15.

Is it normal for the arrangement of every other weekend to continue during the school holidays?

Exh can't look after our DC during holidays because he works. He is self employed.

I work full time (but not self employed).

I'm not sure if I'm unreasonable for expecting more?

Exh can't look after our DC during holidays because he works.
I work full time

So you both work and in fact he has the bonus of being self employed so he can tell himself to not work!

Hw can have them eow during term time bit not during holidays, or am I reading that wrong? Is the arrangement a formal court ordered one?

If it helps DH is employed full time, all year round, and his ex is employed term time only and DH still has his children for half the holidays.

My ex has never had my dd during the holidays. She's going into secondary school in September. I use all my holiday, pay clubs sort all childcare every holiday. Same bullshit excuse he can't because he works well so do I. Pisses me off is an understatement. He also has dd once a month for a few hours and that's it.

Well assuming he doesn’t have the kids during the day usually so I wouldn’t automatically think he would have the kids in holiday time during the daytime on his contact days. Can they not stay home together? That’s what mine did when around similar age

@Whenwillitallmakesense he has them every other weekend, not during the week. He doesn't ever do any extra, even during the school holidays.

@Zanatdy thanks, yes, they'll have to spend some time alone together, as I can't cover all holidays. They're fairly sensible kids a and will probably have friends around to make plans with too, so I'm sure it will be fine.

Is it normal for the arrangement of every other weekend to continue during the school holidays?

This implies that he only has them every other weekend during term time and not during holidays. I wasn't sure if I was reading it wrong.

@sourcorn almost everyone I know shares childcare in some way or another during the holidays - whether they are separated and coparenting or still together as a family. Unfortunately that's not the case here.

I’d expect half the holidays with each parent tbh, but I guess some parents, mainly dads, are just not good parents. The kids will work it out.

@Whenwillitallmakesense ah, yes, I see that it wasn't clear. It's every other weekend with no additional arrangement during the holidays.

Is he in a rather unique field that means he has to make hay while the sun shines? In which case could he take them longer in the other school holidays to make up for it?

@onecarrot it's infuriating. It's also one of many reasons he's an ex though, so I should be glad for the reminder.

Do you have a court order in place for contact? Normally school holidays are discussed within this.

Of course he should be offering extra time
In the holidays. He should be taking them
On holiday ideally!

@sourcorn it's been 2 years and this has been over all school holidays. The summer break is just so long that it's even more frustrating.

When we were together I worked part time so there was less to cover. And they went to out of school club on the days I worked.

@Mumof1andacat no court order. I guess I kept hoping he would step up of his own accord

If he’s self employed then he won’t be earning unless he’s working - which could impact on CMS payments

Ah I meant was his job one that only takes place in school holidays? Like that's prime money season? Does he run a school holiday club for example?

I would expect him to at least take a week of leave to take them on holiday, if he can afford to. Sad that a Dad wouldn’t want to do that if he could.

@Coffeepot72 yeah, he doesn't get paid if he's not working.

There are some weeks he only works 3 days but he doesn't often have much advance warning of that. He's still never arranged to see the DC on an unexpected non-working day though.

@sourcorn he does get a bit of extra work during the summer, yes. That hasn't meant he's done anything extra during the other holidays though.

Hmm. In that case it's kind of a seasonalish job. So providing you are benefiting from that in terms of maintenance it does make things a little more complicated. But you need a break too! Perhaps he needs different employment.

Thanks @sourcorn yeah, I wasn't sure if I was maybe being unreasonable. I can't cover all the holidays so will have to do what a pp suggested and leave the DC by themselves a bit. I'm glad I sense checked rather than saying anything to him.

Could be worse my ex has never had our kids overnight so no he doesn't see them anymore in the holidays it would be nice if your ex wanted to but you can't make him