Would you continue to chat to this man ...

[thelastday]

Met a man online a few weeks ago. We chat on line and on the phone now and again. It's increased to daily general texting and a phone call every three days or so. The getting to know you stage maybe. We haven't been able to meet up but plan to do so next week.
He is abroad on holidays.
He has still maintained contact. However he , over the last few weeks would generally text at night and in the morning , as he has the time and I am on holidays also.
He was going out last night.
Haven't heard anything g from him since before he went out which hasn't been his habit . He leaves his phone in the room. I can only assume he hooked up with someone. That's my gut feeling.
Would I be unreasonable to continue to chat if he did or is he on holidays and there is no commitment so continue to chat loosely ?
What would you do?
We are no more than online friends right now but the interest has been there in both sides .

I think you're not ready to be dating, you are too over invested already

I’m not sure why you assume he’s hooked up with anyone; might just have had a few drinks etc.It’s tricky as he’s done nothing wrong if he has and it’s probably a string you don’t want to pull on and need to put out of your mind to carry on talking

It may seem like I'm too invested. I'm really not but what's the norm here .
If he was with a woman, do I just leave it altogether or is it ok as we haven't even met yet and owe each other nothing?
I'm out of the loop far too long !

You've not even met, there is no obligation to each other at all.

You've just been chatting and have no obligation to each other. But just because he didn't message when he got home means nothing, he may have got in late or been too drunk or just too tired or he did meet someone which I would say is ok as you're just chatting. You don't know if anything is there between you both yet, you might meet him and feel nothing for him. But is try not to be so invested in him just yet so you don't get hurt

You've not even met yet! You don't even know if he's real. He could be an overseas scammer. He could be married. He could be a Venezuelan lesbian wrestler for all you know.

Chill your boots. Arrange a simple daytime date for as soon as possible then go from there.

Thanks.
That's what I was asking really. While I know there's no obligation, he has been asking me each day if I've met anyone the night before and seems
Overly interested in whether I'm going g out at night , or not.
My thoughts are that he met someone last night and isn't back yet so wondered if I should just leave it altogether .

Zero obligation to one another on either side until you’ve met and dated enough to have a discussion about exclusivity. Personally I have that discussion after sleeping together once. I don’t want to sleep with someone who is sleeping with other people but I prefer to “try before I buy” so to speak as bad sex would be a dealbreaker for me. So normally I have 3 or 4 in person dates over a month before sleeping with someone and then I either go exclusive or leave and look for someone else.

I’d step away if he is asking about my other dating everyday. Big red flag there. He has no right to that information.

Thanks for those replies.
I was a bit unsettled when he was asking if f I was goi g out and then if I did t answer directly for whatever reason, he'd ask again. I thought it odd.
I suppose we are both navigating this new dating world .

Stop putting all your eggs in this man's basket. Keep talking to other people, go on dates with other people and if it's right then you will make a choice but if it's not you will carry on.

Did you post about this before? Let the poor guy enjoy his holiday. You sound like a big red flag to me, assuming he’s met someone because he’s on holiday and hasn’t text for one evening.

Did you already post a thread about this?

You haven't even met him! Why would you care?

You both sound insecure. Not a great combination. I would let this one go and focus on your boundaries. Spending this much time thinking about whether he's hooked up with someone else before you've even met is crazy and he is also showing red flags by asking you every day if you've met someone.

I would say that as you haven't met then, if he has hooked up with someone, it's ok. As ideal as it would be that he's so completely smitten with you that he wouldn't be interested in anyone else that is not the reality.

He leaves his phone in the room. I can only assume he hooked up with someone. That's my gut feeling.

Christ, you posted that at 9.30am. The man's on holiday and probably hungover.

Or maybe he's coming to realise you're a tad needy?

You posted the exact same thread yesterday. Why are you expecting different responses?

You haven't met. He isn't your boyfriend or a man you're seeing. He's your pen pal. Therefore has every right to go and hook up with whoever he likes.

You might meet him and decide you don't fancy him at all or he has an annoying walk that gives you the inexplicable ick. Meet him first then go from there.

You haven’t even met yet. You’re not dating. He’s probably out shagging all round him, and so should you be. OLD is a numbers game. It does not pay to get over invested at this stage.

You can't worry about him acting single before you've met him, also it's not fact that he's hooked up with someone but just your fears. I would just leave it, if wants to continue to chat he will if he doesn't then there is plenty more to choose from.

Here's the thing with online dating, I was told many moons over and over again to always have no expectations online and to date a few to see which ones steps up to the mark/dates/asks you out etc, without thinking what if, or does he like me, what are his intentions, if he is not asking you out or he is just always busy and is enjoying dating and your time. I am all for saying date others, if this is just not going anywhere and you are still questioning this a few weeks/months down the line, this would drive you mad for sure!!

I'd drop this one and take a different approach next time. You've never met. It's inappropriate to be pushing you on who you've met at this stage. What you have is a false sense of intimacy from talking so much. Key thing is to have a quick chat and arrange an in person meeting ASAP. Maybe check in periodically if on holiday during this time but don't see it as a heady time of getting to know each other's better as that only starts when you meet as people are often completely different to how they seem online.

His possessiveness and pushiness is a flag. He seems gauche and unclear on what's acceptable. In future, keep expectations and investment low until you do meet, see others but be discreet about it. It's fine to be doing what you like until you start dating (or agree on exclusivity) but it's very offputting to hear about it.

If you do keep speaking to him then don't ask if he's met or slept with anyone else and say you don't want to know if he offers to tell you. In fact, shut the conversation down now. You could say 'I would rather us not keep asking about other people. I'm not here on the pull, and and am completely monogamous in relationships. We haven't met yet and this is spoiling the chat somewhat'. You're not dating yet. Sorry to say I get the vibe that he won't understand the distinction between this and being dishonest when in a relationship.

In answer to your question, if he has met someone else then he has done nothing wrong, but has been quizzing you all the while. Does this sound like he would hold you both to the same standard of behaviour in real life?

Maybe he’s married and busy with the family and can’t be so available. Probably cheating