Tents - how to come to an agreement

[HopeG]

My husband has been out every night and lots of the weekend volunteering for a big project.

Meanwhile I had been researching tents for 5 nights away next month.

I found a Vango air beam six man tent, bigger than many 7 or 8 man tents (except some over £1000) that was only £575 in a sale which ends tonight. There is only our 5-year-old son, my husband and myself.

In typical fashion my husband now wants something different, he doesn’t want the bedrooms next to each other. But the nearest tent that meets this is £900 and is much smaller than the tent I found. He wants to have 3 rooms that are separate in case we take a friend with us camping!

My husband only wants to go camping once a year. When I said I might take our son for a weekend he said it wasn’t fair because he (husband) wouldn’t want to come.

To say I’m frustrated is an understatement. What would you do?

I suggest getting him a separate 1 person hiking tent to sulk in.

Well if the sale ends tonight, he has the rest of today to find a better tent that suits his requirements and that you can afford. If he doesn't come up with anything I'd buy the tent you found. TBH it sounds like he is not keen on the idea of camping, and is putting barriers in the way, which is a shame.

What is odd? The fact I am posting asking for advice?

Buy the tent that you have found which you like. If your DH only comes once a year the likelihood of there ever being a friend with you is minimal, and if it ever does happen then it will be better for them to be in a separate tent anyway.

I’d buy the cheaper tent, it’s bigger and living space is more important than sleeping space. Also if he really isn’t into camping I wouldn’t pay out loads more money for a tent he would barely use.

If you go camping with friends they usually bring their own tent! Also tents with bedrooms either end tend to be darker in the living space.

I am a single parent and have a 5 bed tent for two of us. I manage perfectly well setting it up and we had 4 nights away over the half term. It’s a cheap holiday once the kit has been bought and means we can get away a lot more often. I definitely would do weekends away on your own if you want to.

Also, the friend may have their own tent if they are camping inclined. And why let your purchase be governed by a fully hypothetical friend!

Your issue isn’t tents it is that he has removed himself frm family life to the point he wants separate rooms in a tent and no f

I wonder if you found what sounds like his perfect tent, if he'd still offer up a reason it's not right?
This could be as much about not wanting to go camping together. It's a bigger issue that he's finding reasons to be out and away from his family every night. You must be in a disconnected phase for whatever reason, so I doubt the idea of suddenly being in close proximity for 5 days is appealing to him.
I'd be inclined to leave it to him - while arranging your own hol with DC as he might not do anything about it. You possibly have far bigger issues than a tent, but are focusing on the wrong thing.

He does realise that you can hear EVERYTHING in all the neighbouring tents not just your own? Sounds like he's expecting sex in the tent even if you have friends staying with you.

He doesn’t want separate bedrooms for us! My son would be in one and us in another, then I am envisioning one for storage.

Just check the pack size and weight of an air beam tent, they are bulkier and heavier than poled tents and you need to know you can lift it out if the car on your own (definitely do weekends away with your Dc)

Friends need to bring their own tent.

Adult friends would bring their own tents.
I'd say you don't want to spend another £900. That's getting into a daft amount to spend on a tent you don't use often.
But whilst air beam type tents are easy to put up they do weigh a ton and are much larger packed up than standard tents.
We have a kyham air beam style tent and it's lovely.

like someone else said give him 3 hours to find a better option then buy the tent. When he takes on the load for these tasks or engages with you then he can say he wants this and that - this chipping in at the last minute with that won’t work is not helpful and will be ignored. Then I’d say to him:
’darling I’ve just gone ahead and bought that tent. you’re very welcome for all the single parenting I’ve done recently with your volunteering and I know you won’t mind at all if I take ds off for a weekend on my own since the two of us have been on our own most of the time recently and that hasn’t seemed to bother you.’

I echo those suggesting you check the pack size and weight of the text before you commit to it. Airbeams are much bigger/heavier/bulkier to store, transport and manoeuvre than their pole-y cousins.

Observe that he wouldn’t buy a separate tent for £400 for friends, so why is he prepared to spend an extra £400 on a tent to accommodate them? The hypothetical friends could buy a decent 4 person tent you can stand up in for less than £200.

A child friend of your Dc can fit in with them.

I am also of the ‘OK, find one you like by 6pm or I’ll go ahead and order. Can we agree a budget?’

With a little child I recommend a tent that has bedrooms next to each other. Your little one won’t want to be further away and you can make it one space or separate that way.
also if you are likely to use the tent by yourself then I’d look at the weight of the tent. Air tents are quite heavy so you’d need something that you can carry by yourself if needed. Smaller the better.
i really like this tent
https://newquaycampingshop.com/products/kampa-brean-4-air-tent?variant=32812786778158&currency=GBP&utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=shopping%20feed&utm_content=Kampa%20Brean%204%20Air%20Tent&utm_campaign=gs-2020-01-25&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gad=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwj_ajBhCqARIsAA37s0xb8PhFr-KcoEp9Lg2EXXwBZU8Wlvo24fb7ktZc0JPM4AIU1cHOWR0aAnVSEALw_wcB

I think a tent is a tricky purchase although I can see how frustrating he's being. My ex would leave all research to me but constantly criticise any option (particularly holidays) that I showed him: "can't we find one with flights at better times?". "Er no because you've criticised everything I found so now we have fewer options because it's now only a month till we want to go away!".

Are you on a tight budget? If not, I'd say to him "OK, you research and purchase one". Are you sure you won't be able to find the Vango tent anywhere else after tonight? "Sale ends tonight" sounds like something they often say to induce a quick purchase!

we have this one (or the previous version of it): https://www.blacks.co.uk/16537527/berghaus-air-800-nightfall-tent-16537527/?istCompanyId=d92b362f-ac8a-4a8a-87ca-c56eafad7955&istFeedId=2f99410f-1124-43d5-8232-86c184f09479&istItemId=rqxmplqam&istBid=t&gclid=Cj0KCQjwj_ajBhCqARIsAA37s0zxx5B0gRTGX6rrlNXkY5PU_Wj19qqF3tEwGtWwOk1N6tWvcD9wRwMaAspmEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

Our main criteria was not having bedrooms next to each other so we could have sex. Ours has a thin divider wall you can put down between the bedrooms at each end so you can have 2 big bedrooms or create 4 smaller bedrooms. It makes it really flexible. I can't see if that's the case with the newer model so worth checking.

My friend took her DS away camping with her DP and his 2 DDs so they needed an extra bedroom. They got a little pop up tent (about £50) and stuck it in the living room area at night for her DS which worked well and gave him and the DDs some privacy.

Just so you know many campsites have pitch restrictions and don't accept big tents. I'm in the process of looking for a smaller one as I've found it an absolute pain finding campsites that'll let me use mine or that don't want stupid extra payments. That said I won't buy one that doesn't have at least three bedrooms and a reasonably large living area that we can be in if the weathers bad. I get where you're coming from with the air tent, much easier to put up solo. Personally I'd probably look second hand and not buy new for something that's only (possibly) going to get used once a year. Facebook marketplace has loads right now, especially air tents. You could then also consider getting a second smaller tent (3/4 man) that you and dc could use if you went just together.

This is a good option if you have older kids and are definietely not camping alone with a 5 yr old. 32.5 kg tent is not something I’d want to be dealing with by myself

Tell him he has until x time today find an alternative.

If he doesn't, just buy the tent. You can always return it later if needs be.

And friends always come in their own tents, I wouldn’t be taking that into account

@datingdilema1 yes, very true - it is pretty heavy! I can just about manage to drag the tent out of the car and it's easy to put up but it is heavy and hard to get back into the bag admittedly (probably not one for sites where you have to park away from the tent area). If I'm camping by myself I do my best and then take it home roughly packed for DP to help get back into the bag. If camping alone with 5 yo OP can put them in the room with her or next to her with the little fabric wall down which provides a tiny bit of privacy or light reduction for 5yo for reading etc but feels like you're very close by.

If he doesn’t want to suggest anything else then just buy the tent you want (or use the money for a hotel instead)

Why do you need bedrooms?

you need a tent you can put up on your own, that you can manage! One that you & DS can use by yourselves.

if grumpy arse doesn't want to go, so what, he can stay home!

you don't need to replicate a holiday let, you just need space for beds & a roof to stop the rain drenching you. You're supposed to 'live' outside, that's kind of the point if camping.

the one you've chosen sounds too big to manage by yourself.