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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Money issues!

59 replies

Motherhood86 · 01/06/2023 22:16

My partner and I have recently moved into together. We both have a teenage boy each who both live with us full time.
I know our set up is not the 'norm' being a blended family but please can I get some ideas on how other families split their finances?

We have had a big argument this eve as we are thinking about getting a mortgage. He has basically said I need to cut right back and have no spare money to be able to pass the affordability checks when applying for mortgage.
Problem I have is he earns a lot more than me, he will continue paying off debt he is in and saving for mortgage but will still have much more spare cash than me. I think that's really unfair.
He is able to save the deposit for the mortgage so feels it's fair to do it this way but has said that if we were to split up that £30k deposit would be his. I just think it's unfair to live different lifestyles under the same roof.

OP posts:

Original poster

Motherhood86 · 02/06/2023 17:08

Thanks for all your replies, when we moved in we agreed I would not work full time as I was able to cover my costs and contribute to half of food shopping and % of the bills. I as I worked less would do the biggest share of housework. This was ok until the discussion of mortgage came up. Our landlord has recently said they are planning on selling the house so this has been a factor in deciding to push this. It's always something he has wanted to do.

OP posts:

Toxicityofourcity · 02/06/2023 17:15

So the post is a little confusing but from my understanding, you pay bills proportionally to your income. But your income is much lower than his as you choose to work part time hours? With teenagers at home that don't require care there's really no reason that you can't work full time and he IS already essentially paying for you to work part time.

You can't save and he is providing a deposit? And then you'll continue to split bills proportionately?

Honestly OP, I think you're getting an easy ride with this one and it actually seems totally unfair to your DP. If the sexes were reversed you'd be called a cocklodger and I personally think you're already taking advantage of him and are now looking for more money from him.

You need to start working full time and paying your own way. Running a house with only teenagers is not a job in itself, I'm sorry.

onlythe · 02/06/2023 17:17

Motherhood86 · 02/06/2023 17:03

Thanks for your reply, he has done a lot of research into applying for a mortgage and says they look at what each person earns, what money they have left and that enables them to decide the amount they will lend you and if interest rates go up weather you will be able to still afford mortgage. I'm only going by what he tells me.

You need to be looking at this yourself. Speak to a mortgage broker / bank yourself. Never just go by the word of another in any situation in life.

Do your own research on properties and see if you can afford anything which won't leave you penniless at the end of each month. If you do buy make sure you are tenants in common so he does not get your share when you die and your son does.

GladysHeeler · 02/06/2023 19:40

You are being taken for a ride by being an unpaid housekeeper. You would be much better off working full time, getting a cleaner paid for by both of you and sharing the other jobs between you.

You are sacrificing your own (and your child's) security to wash someone else's floors.

Toxicityofourcity · 02/06/2023 19:53

GladysHeeler · 02/06/2023 19:40

You are being taken for a ride by being an unpaid housekeeper. You would be much better off working full time, getting a cleaner paid for by both of you and sharing the other jobs between you.

You are sacrificing your own (and your child's) security to wash someone else's floors.

SHE's being taken for a ride??? 🤣🤣🤣

Toxicityofourcity · 02/06/2023 19:54

GladysHeeler · 02/06/2023 19:40

You are being taken for a ride by being an unpaid housekeeper. You would be much better off working full time, getting a cleaner paid for by both of you and sharing the other jobs between you.

You are sacrificing your own (and your child's) security to wash someone else's floors.

And by the way, she is being paid. She chooses to work part time when she only has teens at home and considers that a job in itself, her partner contributes more to the bills as they pay proportionally to their income so he IS paying her!

FinallyHere · 02/06/2023 20:08

gave up my council flat for us to live together

I can't help thinking that this was unwise.

Blip · 02/06/2023 20:22

I'd advise that you work full time then split the housework fairly between yourself, DH and the teens.

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 02/06/2023 20:23

Blip · 02/06/2023 20:22

I'd advise that you work full time then split the housework fairly between yourself, DH and the teens.

Exactly this^^

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