How to not feel awful after being dumped!

[emerald20482]

To try and condense a long story- I’d been single for a while and decided to dip my toe back in the dating scene fairly recently. I met a guy online who, until today, I had been dating for a few months and all seemed to be going well. We’d spoke about not dating other people, deleted profiles off the apps etc…

For the last 2 weeks he kept dropping things into conversations that he had a lot on his plate so we had a chat and I said maybe we should put a pin in things so he could focus on himself/ until he was in a better headspace but he said all the right things about how he really liked me and wanted to continue dating etc… so things just carried on. He ended up coming over last night and was lovely, brought flowers, said how happy he was and how much he looked forward to our dates and I ended up sleeping with him for the first time (I had previously been keen to take things slowly but it had been a few months and he seemed lovely so I thought why not). He suggested meeting up on Friday night before he left and said we could go to a nice restaurant next to his and I could stay over.

I’ve then woke up to a Facebook message this morning saying he’s going to have to take some time to himself to “get into a better headspace” but he would be happy to continuing dating at some point in the future “depending on how things go in his life” as “he could meet someone he really likes while he finds himself” but depending on his “life” he might want to “see where things go further down the line” but “can’t give a time frame as who knows what will happen”

I feel a) humiliated b) like a total idiot for thinking he liked me and c) like I’ve been a strung along just so he could get his leg over.

We haven’t been dating long so I don’t know why I’m so upset/hurt about the whole thing but I have to say, this one stung!

Not sure why I’m posting this to be honest, I don’t have anyone to talk to in real life so I guess I’m just airing my sadness whilst I try and formulate a reply to his message. Any advice for getting over the sadness/embarrassment? I’d been out the dating scene for a while and forgot how much it could sting!

Lol at the clacking teeth! Seriously though, don't say anything at all, especially about sex. He's taken pleasure in saying he hopes to meet someone else etc so will probably say something very hurtful and personal back.

The fishing for a response from you is shitty.
Ignoring him is probably the best way. Although the rubbish sex suggestions are funny - tempting though it might be I think he would come back with something really unpleasant. You've dodged a bad one here.

Just say ‘thank you for your message, it was fun to meet you but I have now decided to move on’.

This. Under no circumstances give him the satisfaction of even responding. I wouldn't even block. I'd let the messages come in (or not...whatever!) and just never respond again.

Sorry but the ego some men have is unbelievable. He really thinks you’ll be waiting around for him? Smh. Delusional type, did he have a head injury earlier in life? Run & don’t look back OP!

😂😂😂 I like your style!!!

Love this

I wish I'd realised long ago how incredibly powerful silence is. No clever message can ever trump it. Silence. Block. Move on to better things.

This is the perfect response to your question.

This ⬆️

I'd be so tempted to send one of the funny replies above that I'd have to sit on my hands!

But he's quite clearly looking for a reaction - hence the 2nd message. The ball is in your court now so don't give him one. Leave him forever wondering. That's much more satisfying! Whatever you reply will just give him a chance to respond with another dig, so just don't reply. Then don't give it another thought, brush yourself down and move on.

As women, we do all our thinking about how much we like someone before we sleep with them, men tend to do it after. That's why it can hurt so much - we often only sleep with someone when we decide we like them. What a prick - he clearly wanted to experience sex with you before ending things.

I don't like how he said 'depending on how my life goes' err excuse me, you could meet someone yourself tomorrow who is way better than him.
He doesnt sound like a secure and sensible man and even though this hurts so much I promise you it's a lucky escape and you're free to meet someone who adores you and makes you feel special and won't risk losing you xx

For the last 2 weeks he kept dropping things into conversations that he had a lot on his plate so we had a chat and I said maybe we should put a pin in things so he could focus on himself/ until he was in a better headspace but he said all the right things about how he really liked me and wanted to continue dating etc… so things just carried on#

@emerald20482 I think this shows that you had the right instincts so don't beat yourself up. It's a shame you didn't follow through on your gut feeling and stop seeing him.

Next time you will. Onward and upward.

Sorry to hear what's happened. Dont reply or react in any way. A critique of his sexual prowess will give away your feelings. Though not responding might also do the same, at least he's got nothing to go on.

Ignore him. Shabby asshole.

How about:

I'm so relieved you feel the same, floppyboi. Last night was such a disappointment wasn't it? I have been single a long time so I wasn't expecting much, but still... Good luck finding yourself and a woman who wants you as you are.

And then feel genuinely glad you got rid of a player. Some women marry them and then spend a lifetime being gaslit and negged.

I agree with this, really. But it's fun scripting putdowns.

Or you could kill with kindness.

Oh you are so sweet. I do hope you can get your head together. Honestly, you shouldn't worry about it. It wasn't as disappointing as you probably think. Please don't give it another thought.

"Good thinking, and totally agree, whatever's best for you. Slightly embarrassed but l feel I should mention my bloody crabs have flared up again, so probably best to get yourself checked. Take care my lovely "

Silence is really the great weapon. Years back a man messed me around being flaky in dates. In the end he flaked last minute on something important and it pissed me off so much I didn't reply. To that message. Or the next or the next or the call and so on. Imagine thinking that you can mess about 'finding yourself' possibly in another womans vagina. But maybe wait around for me incase I don't ?! The fuck? and then wanting to know how you feel about that. The audacity

Yeh, no digs about you feeling the same. He'll just know that you're hurt because you didn't want to be dumped and that will flatter him.

Pure silence will make him feel awkward, like you see through him. Xxx

Absolutely no response at all.

He's not worth it.

Silence is golden.

He doesn't deserve any response after his message. Arsehole.

Or

Thank God for that I thought it was just me.....

Or

No problem say hello to the wife.

Honestly I'd message him back 'Don't bother speaking to me again. Waiting months to sleep with someone and then dumping them as soon as they do is pathetically low. I won't wait for you or be dangled on a sting so I'd suggest you don't contact me again.'

Then walk away from the arse with your head held high.

Haha some of these have really made me chuckle! Annoyingly the sex was actually good! Well for me at least, clearly not for him 😂

I didn’t reply in the end (just removed from social media and deleted number) and have heard nothing since so that’s that I guess! I’m still feeling pretty rubbish but I’m just going to chalk it up to a bad experience and spend the rest of the weekend on the sofa binge watching Netflix and eating nice food to make me feel better!