Do you get time for yourself?

[Skyla93]

Do you manage to get time to do something for yourself?

im a sahm and the ONLY thing I do/love to do is workout. It really helps me mentally and physically. My children are in full time school now so I’m able to go to the gym during the week after dropping them to school. My issue is I am never able to get in a routine as it’s constantly either: half term, school holidays, teacher strike days, bank holidays, kids sick days.

does your partner help watch the kids for you to do something for yourself? My dp works a lot of hours (which I’m extremely greatful for) he works early morning shift, then back home in the afternoon for around 4 hours and then back in the evening for another shift. Once/twice a week he only works evening shift starting around 5pm and on weekends he works morning till around 4pm.

I do get frustrated that he is not helpful in terms of watching the children for me to do something. I don’t do anything at all so having a workout is the only thing that helps me. I can’t even go to the shops without the kids so I wait until they’re in school to do anything (in which I’m still limited as there’s housework and cooking I need to do etc). So I tend to very quickly rush to the gym after dropping them in for an hour then come back.

it’s half term again now and I’m just here with the kids 24/7. I really would’ve loved to her a workout in 2/3 times, I’ve noticed it gives me alot more energy and motivation to be productive with the kids after I’ve had a workout. This school holiday I didn’t even attempt to ask him for help - as I never get it. There has been 2 occasions that he’s ever watched them so I could go to the gym and it required me to go at 6am when they were all still sleeping in bed, so really he didn’t have to do anything.

I know he works a lot but he also gets the time to do anything he wants. He works in a gym and has his own workout at the end of his shift most days. He comes home bragging about how well his workout went and all I think is why couldn’t he let me go and clear my head for an hour?

ive had this conversation with him many times and he will say ‘if you’re smart you could go gym everyday‘ meaning if I worked it around his shifts I could go every day but that never ever happens. He never sticks to it and I end up feeling guilty at the thought of going unless it’s in the morning when they’re sleeping still.

My dh has always worked long hrs and I get lots of time to myself. He practically shoves me out if the door to go and meet friends or do something for myself if he notices I haven't done anything in a while.
Long hrs is not an excuse for being selfish.
Your set up sounds really restrictive and your dh isa controlling arse.
I don't know how you put up with him and all this meal prepping.

This doesn't work in a single parent household

He sounds like a piece of work but agree you need to step up your boundaries so you can dedicate a little time to yourself.
It's not an easy change to make when one person is used to being catered for though.

DH works long hours and is frequently away. I work pt 4 days and we have 2DC 6&3 and no family near us. We both pursue sport but it took a while to get dh used to sharing the "free" time because I had been so child focused while they were younger. We both had to make compromises and learn to actually talk through the issues. Is your DH capable of having a reasonable discussion or does he (like mine did initially) throw his toys out and make it impossible to discuss and plan?

To fit in exercise for us (cycling for him and ultra running for me) we share drop offs and pick ups, we add our exercise onto the morning commute so walk kids to daycare and school then run to work. We both support each other using mornings and evenings. DH will do breakfast and kids while I put a head torch on and run at 5am so I can be back to do drop off ensuring he makes his morning meeting. He also pulls his weight with housework- dishes, kitchen, washing, rubbish. We both find it frustrating that we have to be more flexible with our schedules to fit it all in and accommodate last minute changes but it's better than nothing.

It sounds like you are a bit harassed and scared of him. I think the amount of batch cooking he’s asking you to do is ridiculous. If you split up he would need to do that himself - bet it would rapidly get simplified!

Would going for a run straight from your house be an option? Then you cut out your travel time to the gym.

And would you consider leaving him or at least start pushing back against some of these expectations he has?

My kids are grown but we always got time do our thing when the kids were little.
DH didn’t ‘watch the kids’ they would go out and do stuff and I would do my thing.
He would ( and still does even though they are in their 20s) go out for the full day with them to motor shows, agriculture shows etc, they are not my thing. He enjoys time with them and because he was so actively involved with them from the minute they were born they have a fabulous relationship.
The cooking and cleaning has become the issue of this post but honestly, I’d be telling him about relationship building and how what he does now will have an impact on his future relationships with his kids. Tell him part of being a parent is watching them grow and have fun and he can have fun with them. I would ask him not to be a stranger to them but someone they can look up to and have good memories with when they are older.

Classic post where OP doesn’t get the answers they want and then drip feeds new information that conveniently supports their narrative.

Omg your partner is taking the piss. He's treating you like his personal servant. You need to get a job and tell him to cook his own meals

I'm afraid some posters have honed in on the initial info that you seemingly have a wonderful 6 hours per school day with only an ordinary amount of chores to do, then what in an ordinary household would be approx 4 glorious hours to yourself - and missed the fact completely that you're horrible husband is a controlling arsehole that you would be best leaving.

He is using you op. Using you to spend hours and hours per day cooking his meals to keep his body looking good. Leave him. You will be happier. Your dc will see that this is in no way shape or form a relationship'.

If I could employ one slave, I'd probably also find a chef, someone I could sleep with on demand, and someone to do all the drudge work with looking after my children. Ltb.

I’d this a joke ?