Social services assessment

[Emilyh92]

I’m so scared and upset I just need some advice and to hear about others experiences with social services.

So basically the other night I called the police on my partner. It was a bit of a stupid argument but he hit me with a book he was holding twice on the arm. A week before this he had violently kicked my legs out from under me and I fell to the floor. I was really upset and fed up of this happening which was why I decided to call the police.

My little boy (4 months) was present for both, and I’ve told the police that, I spilled out everything to them as I was so emotional and told them every little bad thing that has ever happened in our relationship including name calling etc.

My partner was arrested and is on bail and cannot contact me at all, he can only see my son with a third party present.

social services have now contacted me to say they will come and talk to me as they need to assess the household. I’m going out of my mind with worry, what will happen? Will they try and take my baby away from me? Force me to leave my partner? (not to say that I won’t anyway but I’m so confused at the moment and haven’t made a decision).

Any advice would be great please, mainly about what may happen with social services

Thanks

Yes you need to leave your partner and they will expect this to keep your child safe. You shouldn't even be considering staying with him.

Hi. NC. Obviously.

Having been in a similar position (no police, slightly less violent)

SS phoned. I told them things were complicated (didn’t lie). I was more terrified by the phone call than anything that had happened previously. The ONLY important thing in my life was/is DC and keeping them safe and protected.

After I put the phone down I thought WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, NO MORE MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM, nothing is as important as keeping DC safe and here we are with social services on the phone and I CANNOT live like that.

No man is worth that. And I repeat, my circumstances were “less” as he hadn’t quite hit me (though if I stayed I think he would have).

So, I ended the (marriage) there and then. (I was in a softplay when they phoned, don’t out me anyone I’ve told this to irl) I messaged him from
the top of the bloody big slide that we were done and he would have to leave that day or we would.

SS phoned back within the hour and it felt RIGHT to tell them I was leaving him, because the alternative was to pretend it was okay and that living like that was fine and IT WAS NOT.

It was hard. He threatened to kill himself and got super angry. He didn’t. I stayed calm, for DC. Got him out. The practicalities took over.

I still loved him and in some warped ways still do, but six months down the line we’re coparenting mostly amicably and I don’t have that walking on eggshells pit of dread that I KNOW you have when he’s in the wrong mood.

SS came round for an in person visit. Woman was lovely. I told her the absolute truth and that we were broken up for good. No idea what would’ve happened if I’d tried to stick by him because like I said, no way was I going to. SS was my wake up call.

They’ll refer you in to whatever DV services are useful. They’ll help if you need it. I’m still ashamed it got to the point where they were involved, even briefly, because that’s my worst nightmare.

But im proud of what I did. PM me if it helps. Life shouldn’t be like this.

I remember your thread.

I am so happy that you’re out and feeling happier x

Not after one DA incident with no injury and no CP or PLO period. It's just not possible.

@WilkinsonM

Nobody is saying that is going to happen. We are saying if OP does not engage, if OP does not protect her child - the possibility of her child being taken into temporary care exists. I'm not sure what your angle is in this thread but it's not at all helpful.

I misread your post and thought you were claiming to have taken a baby into care. Either way, the baby you took care of wasn't removed under circumstances that the OP describes. What you are talking about IS threatening women. You said 'whatever it takes' in reference to threatening that social services will take the baby away. That's an empty threat and counter productive.

@WilkinsonM

I am NOT threatening anyone. Get yourself a grip and stop being so bloody ridiculous.

The poster I was originally responding to LITERALLY said that 'they might consider temporary care' if the OP doesn't leave her partner. So yes, they were saying that it would happen, not that it might happen in the future if if if. It's unhelpful and incorrect to say that. The OP is already scared that her baby will be taken away! Making comments like that won't help her engage.

Urgh. I'm not suggesting threatening women

Also you say it's juts a scare tactics but I'm of the opinion 'whatever it takes' to get mum safe from Dad. If that means fearing she will lose her child then so be it.

you literally justified threatening to take women's babies away as a tool to get them to leave abusive partners.

The poster I was originally responding to LITERALLY said that 'they might consider temporary care' if the OP doesn't leave her partner.

This is not untrue

So yes, they were saying that it would happen, not that it might happen in the future if if if

The quote literally said MIGHT happen
I

No no. I said there is nothing wrong with people on this thread saying that. 'Whatever it takes' to get her to listen. Nobody wants OP to end up dead, do they?

I'm ask again, what is your angle here?

I was also in a slightly different position over a decade ago . My ex strangled me - with D’s in my arms. It was in the times when I could decide to make a statement or not . Ex got a caution . I stayed with him a few months before finally protecting my child properly.

I say this with hindsight - I should have left that day if not sooner.

This will not improve . Ss will want to know you can prioritise your Dc over your partner .

it doesn’t sound healthy at all regardless of Ss take a look back at how unhealthy this should be enough without Ss involvement

Read the OP, she hasn’t made the decision yet..
And by decision, I mean the decision to protect her child from injury, possibly worse. Hard decision obviously.

He's hurt you twice in one week.
You have a tiny vulnerable baby.
You have absolutely nothing to fear from social services as long as you prioritise protecting your child. This means ending your relationship.

Remember that everyone has their good points, but it is never acceptable to hurt a partner.

Nothing excuses his behaviour.

Domestic abuse (which this is ) is incredibly dangerous and damaging for children. We are realising this more and more a good summary here:
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/2021/myth-of-invisible-men-safeguarding-children-under-one-from-non-accidental-injury-caspar-briefing

Your baby is so young, if you stay in this relationship they may well decide it's better for the baby to be away from that environment and they would be right too. As long as you end this relationship your involvement with SS might be as little as 6 months.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It must be awfully upsetting to have to confront the difference between your dreams and reality. But here you are. And he is a bad egg. You have a happy safe life ahead with your baby. Just not the one you imagined.

Hi OP firstly I hope you’re okay, your baby is still only young and you shouldn’t be going through this. 💐

I have been in a very similar situation had to call police as an ex was being violent and my children were present. Social services will come around and check baby is okay and that you are okay! You have done the right thing phoning the police and SS will say the same and that you have safe guarded your baby.
it’s extremely unwise to carry on in a relationship with this ‘man’ as in social services eyes you will be failing to safe guard your baby and that’s when it gets a lot more serious.

I promise you do not worry! They are there to help you.

I was in a similar situation 3 years ago. Except my DH hurt our son. I got SS involved and they were very supportive. We all worked together to try and address DH's behaviour, they absolutely wont take your baby away but will want a plan for going forwards.

However, men like this are extremely unlikely to change. My DH got worse (not physically, but there was always that fear). I finally kicked him out 2 months ago, after 3 years of hoping things would improve and further SS involvement. I hope you find the strength to do this sooner rather than later.

SS will be very supportive of you, and will just want to make sure that as baby's mother, you are doing everything you can to keep your baby safe.

That will mean keeping baby away from your partner, and yes, probably expect that you will separate from a man who has been physically and verbally abusive to you.

You may have to choose, your baby or your partner.

The decision was made to end the relationship by an abusive man who tripped his partner deliberately and made her fall to the floor.
And that's what we have been told so far.
There is no 'relationship'.

Have you posted on the wrong thread?

If you continue your relationship with a man who gets violent with you in front of a baby then I sincerely hope they do take him away. You deciding whether or not to leave him isn't an option. Put your son first ffs.

SS have a duty of care to make sure you and your baby are safe. They will want to make sure you are putting measures in place to safeguard your child. That would include leaving your partner and being referred to an organisation specialising in DV.

Unfortunately, the onus is normally on the mother to protect the child, some social workers will be understanding and some will be punitive in their efforts to make sure your baby is protected.

Abusers very rarely change and it would be in your best interests and the best interests of your small baby that you work with SS, engage with Women’s Aid/Freedom Programme and split with your partner before the abuse escalates even more.

Well actually my neice was told to stop seeing her abusive boyfriend and she did not , so the childrens father got residency .

so all I can say is if you are advised not to see him under no circumstances ignore the advice . It’s for the child’s sake .