Anxiety ruining everything. Don't know what to do.

[CaffeineMcQueen]

Hi,

I've always struggled with anxiety and occasionally depression, but recently my anxiety seems to have gone up a geer and it's becoming crippling. It's affecting my relationship with dp, dc, friends, everyone really.

I've had lots of therapy, but nothing seems to really work. Lots of papering over the cracks.

I'm really starting to feel like I'm dragging dp down. They often wake up to me crying, shaking or even having a full blown anxiety attack. This seems to be happening mote frequently at night.

Honestly, I feel like a needy baby and I can't stand that. I try to cry in silence or leave the room, so I don't wake dp, but I'm inevitably disturbing them. They have a very demanding job.

My brain is constantly in terror mode and I don't know how to turn it off.

I've considered medication, but am very concerned about side effects, which I guess is my anxiety talking.

Not sure why I'm posting really. Feeling really alone, scared, emotional and just bloody exhausted after 1 hours sleep.

Be good to hear from those who can relate or even better, help. Think I really need it now.

Thank you.

*gear

Homestly, you are absolutely at a point where medication could be your salvation. I've not taken it personally, as I have never suffered from acute anxiety, but two close friends and my DS all swear by sertraline. It targets anxiety very specifically, it's a mild drug with very few side effects and non-addictive.

Go to your GP and ask for a prescription. Once the sertraline has broken the cycle of the terrors and sleeplessness (which will exacerbate it) then maybe you could try again with therapy.

Really, don't hold off from a medication that could transform your life.

I experienced a period of anxiety a few years ago. Not as intense as you though.

How old are your children? (I was at my worst in the years after having DC2)

Are you using hormonal contraception? (It may have been a coincidence, but after having the Mirena IUD out I felt almost immediately better). - Dr Louise Newson did a podcast on fertility treatment & menopause and in that discussed the anxiety etc that women often experience postnatally as their hormones return to normal.

Do you make time for yourself? Time away from work & family responsibilities? (This was definitely a massive turning point for me)

How is your sleep? It sounds like you wake up a lot? Could that be due to hormones/blood sugar crash in the night? (I read "why we sleep" and then spend a few years doing everything to learn how to sleep properly after DC2. I now prioritise sleep, make sure I get 7-8 hours every night).

Do you do paid work? Is there anything there that could be contributing? (Work stress was 80% of my problems. Reducing my hours for a couple of years, to focus on developing hobbies & sleep made a huge difference).

I didn't take medication. But I did try some CBT (which was useless). Definitely take the medication.

For me it wasn't forever. It certainly felt like it at the time, and it did take years for everything to come together and feel better. I hope you can get there too.

Take the medication. It makes a huge difference.

I'm on medication, I was very apprehensive to take it but it works.
Anxiety can be awful, the over thinking, can't concentrate, feeling like a burden.
Things will get better though.

Anxiety is what we suffer when we are scared that life will fail us, and we won't have the support we need to get through it.

The support, when we are children, comes from adults, generally parents.

When we become adults, we don't stop needing the support, but we are capable (allegedly) to support ourselves. And this is where many of us fail.

Develop confidence in yourself. Develop your faith that you've got your own back. Develop the faith that you can push on through difficult circumstances. This doesn't come from the attitude that you currently have. 'I struggle', 'I'm crippled', 'I'm ruining things for people', 'I'm alone in this' isn't a loving attitude.

'I am allowed to speak my mind', 'My feelings are acceptable', 'I want...', 'I need...' are more loving. Trying to work out what triggers you, so that you can work out solutions is loving. Allowing yourself to share your feelings with people you trust is loving.

What triggers you? What has made you feel most anxious, over the last few days/weeks? Have the respect for yourself to try to break this thing down, to puzzle it out, rather than just criticising yourself and wanting your feelings to 'shut up'.

What happened when you were little? Did your parents love and respect each other? Did they listen to each other, and help each other to work through problems? Did they respect you, and listen to your feelings? Did you feel like your feelings were a priority, as you were growing up? Chances are that your anxiety started then, with the subtle, or not so subtle message that 'your feelings are something that can be dismissed.' You are still dismissing them now, with your 'Shut up, feelings! You're a pain in everyone's ass!' attitude.

I was in a similar state to you many years ago (more than 20 years ago). Constantly in tears and with a feeling of permanent terror. I can only describe it as feeling like I had a gun to my head the whole time. I was terrified of taking medication but in the end I couldn't go on like that. I wasn't living, I was simply existing and what a horrible existence it was too.
So I took the medication. It was an antidepressant that also helps anxiety. My God the relief. It worked quickly. I felt normal again. I can't describe how amazing it was to go through each day without the anxiety. To actually feel happiness and enjoy life again. I genuinely don't remember any side effects. I don't think I had any. DH is now on an anti depressant that works for anxiety. For him it took 6 weeks to work and the side effect was hunger. But now it's working he has his life back again and it's so wonderful to see.
I think you need to try the medication. There are so many options these days. If one doesn't work or you have side effects, you can try a different one. When you're in this anxious state it's a viscous circle. The anxiety leads to more anxiety and so it goes on. I'd highly recommend breaking this cycle with medication.

What sort of therapy have you had?

Firstly you need to sleep, no one can think straight after one hour sleep, then get to a doctor for some help asap. Can you talk to a friend/family member? You are not going mad it's just anxiety, defo start on meditation also, helps with sleep Xx

Thank you for all your replies so far.

Sertraline is often the first one that gets recommended on here I've noticed, but I've also noticed insomnia is a very common initial side effect....which would be just horrendous.

@gotmychristmasmiracle I do and I have spoken to friends and family in the past, but I really do feel like a burden. I know that's a classic mindset for someone with poor mental health, but honestly, how much of their time can I really take? How many times can I say "I'm so scared all the time" "I can't stop worrying about everything" "I can't relax" ? People will say "any time you need totalk" etc, but do they really mean it?

I really feel I'm dragging everyone in my life down. Writing that actually really clarifies just how much I feel that.

@SkunkAndNanci CBT 3 times.

Take the goddamn medication.

It's not an irrevocable step. If you don't like the side effects of it (and the chances that the side effects will be anything like as bad as the way you feel right now are miniscule) you can just... Stop taking it. That same day. It's not like stepping over a cliff.

Go and see your GP and let them give you a prescription.

I don't think CBT is suitable for the severe anxiety that you seem to be suffering from.
Speak to your GP about getting some medication for the short term but longer term I think you should see a psychotherapist or a trauma therapist to try and get to the root cause of your anxiety.

Get some medication! It's been life changing for me, honestly. It took a few tries to find the right one for me and then I found I could think clearly for the first time in my life.

I couldn't read and run on this. I've been in the depths of anxiety and it's life ruining.
I've had different types of therapy different to the standard CBT but when you are in the storm cloud (I got to the point where I was obsessed by my paranoia, couldn't sleep, eat or concentrate on anything and couldnt separate rational and irritational thoughts due to the constant heightened panic in my head) the only thing that will help is medication. It does have side effects but they are short lived. Citalopram messes with your sleep for 2 weeks but then it stops, I take it at night as it makes me feel sleepy in the daytime. Sertraline is also an option or there are other medications that have a secondary use to help anxiety.

Please call your GP and tell them you need an appointment first thing as your in a mental crisis. The side effects are nothing compared to the feeling inside you right now.

You have to push through the first couple weeks with them but it's worth it, it's life changing.

In the kindest way possible, take the damn pills 😁

I took sertraline for years for my anxiety / depression and it helped hugely. Glug a pint of water with them, it saves you from painful heartburn.

I'm currently on St John's Wort and would say it's about 80% as effective as the sertraline was.

Side effects are rarely as bad as the anxiety you're trying to get control of.

Did your therapy get to the root of what was causing the anxiety? What was your childhood like?

CBT works for some, but for others it's related to childhood issues, which responds better to other types of therapy.

Oh OP 😢

I suffer with anxiety and it’s horrible.

I went to see my GP about it 18 months ago and he wanted to put me on antidepressants and I told him that I wasn’t depressed, I was just very anxious.

He prescribed me Propanolol (Beta Blocker) and it was a game changer.

I take a very small dose three times a day and it keeps me ticking over and my anxiety is MASSIVELY improved.

I take 10mg three times a day.
A person can actually take up to 40mg three times a day so you can see how small a dose I’m on, but it’s still enough to make the days more bearable.

Your anxiety is clearly very severe so you’d probably need a higher dose of Beta Blocker but please do speak to your GP about because you shouldn’t be suffering like this.

I also referred myself for CBT which helped too.

This is lovely . I have an anxiety disorder and needed to read this.

OP please see your GP. Please keep posting and you are not alone in this. It’s crippling and so debilitating. I have it too. Hugs xx

I was where you are, OP, a matter of weeks ago.

I've been taking Sertraline for 4 weeks now and am on the way back up.

The side-effects were bad for a day or two, but everyone is different (I stupidly took my first tablet on an empty stomach out of desperation).

The alternative was continuing down a path of misery. I even began to hate certain rooms in my house as they made me panicky, wtf is that about?

Some things are too big to fight alone, please seek help x

I'd recommend DBT- it's a form of CBT but much more powerful in my experience. Really taught me to change the mental patterns that caused me anxiety and realise that my brain was practised at thinking up worst case/negative scenarios. I learned to spot them, challenge them and develop a more balanced mindset. Also helped with interpersonal effectiveness (so healthy balanced relationships/communication) and distress tolerance (knowing what to do when very upset)

I'm so sorry you feel like this 💐I have had crippling anxiety and depression which is so much better now. I sadly did not get the help I needed on the NHS though. I have had weekly therapy which moved to monthly for over 2 years. I found some very helpful therapists online, Therapy in a nutshell, on YouTube is wonderful and my friend watched her every day when she felt most desperate. I also like Mel Robbins, her 5 second rule is great. What I think we tend to do with anxiety is make our world really small where we feel 100% safe and we focus on this problem non stop. So although it is easy enough for me to write it, I know it's been important for me to every day expand that safe space I created, do something I was putting off, talk to someone, watch something like the therapy channel, use the tools I learnt there or in therapy to gain perspective of my problems- we always think they are much bigger than they are. Little small steps each day build up to big changes in the way we perceive ourselves and our problems. I would look for the perfect day free of anxiety or problems, thinking a small obstacle was a giant mountain... when it is just life and life has things to deal with. One thing at a time. So now I feel happy with appreciating the small things in my day that are positive, the way the cat snuggles on my chest to wake me up, the walk I shared with my husband... don't forget, the people in your life mostly just want you to be ok :) try not to worry too deeply about how they are perceiving your illness. Each day you are amazing for just getting through this.

I love this video:

Yes people really mean it honestly. I have anxiety and I have a friend who also struggles with anxiety, we help each other all the time with any struggles we are having. And please try and talk to yourself like you would a friend. Not been on anxiety medication for a long time as I got put on antidepressants and I literally couldn't feel anything, happy or sad, it was too strange or maybe I was feeling better so came off them.
Please reach out to someone you trust and get a gp appointment, he might give you some sleep medication also, if you are under stress and he will probably sign you off for a period off time, sounds like you need a breather Xx remember health is wealth! Xx

Therapy is not always the answer although it seems clear yours was the wrong type for such deep seated physical anxiety.

You really need medication, it may be that once you take it, CBT may work more effectively (sometimes people are too ill to emotionally access therapy) or it might be that you need a different type of therapy, or you might be someone where the anxiety is simply a physical thing that you need medicating for long term.

Obviously there are things also that you can do to reduce the physical risk of anxiety creeping on you, such as getting enough sleep, the right types of food, caffeine intake, exercise, etc etc