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Original poster

Am I over-reacting? Weird, rather creepy messages....

40 replies

ArtemisW · 30/05/2023 09:18

I was talking to a guy on a dating site who seemed nice, but pretty lacking in confidence and kept kind of really fawning. For example, one message he sent me was “You’re just so impressive. Wow, did you click like on me by mistake. You’re so accomplished, you’re really so impressive.. I hope you don’t mind me mentioning how attractive you are. ” He also really dithered about asking me for a date, and he just kept dropping hints like “we could do that o na date” or “we could go there together” instead of actually just asking me when I was free.

I thought, hey, let me give the guy a chance. Every guy is not going to be super confident and pro-active. He works for a charity that supports traumatised people and that made me assume that maybe he’s a really nice guy….

But then without warning he suddenly totally changed. It started with a text early in the morning saying good morning and then apologising for texting me and saying he just couldn’t stop thinking about me and that he’d been staring at my photos since the moment he woke up. Then he texted “I just really fancy you xx.” Then it was, “any nice photos I can have? I need to stare at you. You’re the rare package — beautiful, smart and creative.”

I was not even replying at this point. We had already previously established that we were both ultimately looking for a relationship and and NOT situationships, FWB etc.

After more similarly full-on texts I finally I asked him what exactly he’s looking for (even though we’d already discussed this). He said, “I’m looking to meet someone and experience intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy. And if that goes well, for it to be a lasting thing.”

I explained that’s not what I’m looking for and wished him luck and made it clear I’m not interested.

He refused to leave it there. He continued bombarding me with more messages, including: “How did you find it being single? Did you miss the intimacy, or did you still get that.”

And then, “I really think you and I will click. I need a woman that enjoys sex and will have sex with me and I think that’s you. You seem so nice and I just want to meet you in person, have intimacy and hope it develops into something special and long lasting.”

At this point I just blocked him.

I found the way his behaviour suddenly changed so odd that I actually felt a bit shaken up for the rest of the day.

Did I overreact?

OP posts:
InsertSomethingMotivationalHere · 30/05/2023 09:21

No, its the right thing to just block as soon as you get the spidey feeling. We have those instincts for a reason. When I was OLD I often found guys who seemed so 'nice' and I gave them the benefit of the doubt, to my detriment. Ultimately though, you have no guarantees that the man in the profile really is the guy you're talking to so best to be safe.

HeavenonEarth · 30/05/2023 09:23

A lot of them turn like that even before you meet.

GentlemanJay · 30/05/2023 09:26

Sounds bloody hard work to me. Lol.

Shadowworry · 30/05/2023 09:29

Block and do it quicker

Original poster
ArtemisW · 30/05/2023 09:31

@InsertSomethingMotivationalHere Yup, the spidey sense!
I ignored it initially when I was low-key repulsed by his fawning behaviour. Maybe I sensed that beneath the nice-guy act was something far worse.

OP posts:
Spanielsarepainless · 30/05/2023 09:32

I find it odd that he thought intimacy came before a proper relationship. Well done for stopping the creep, though.

Frogmila · 30/05/2023 09:33

Nah you did right. Common or garden OLD weirdo.

AutisticLegoLover · 30/05/2023 09:33

Yuck. That's put me right off my breakfast. Good on you for blocking him. Next time don't engage after wondering if you'll give him a chance. If they need a chance then your instincts are trying to protect you-listen to them.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 30/05/2023 09:33

I'd have blocked him sooner.

SmileyClare · 30/05/2023 09:34

He sounds like a psychopath, this sort of forced intensity/ intimacy with an anonymous picture on a screen would make anyone run a mile wouldn’t it?

Its completely baseless and insincere, at best he’s writing any old nonsense to get a shag, at worst he’s a completely unhinged fantasist.

You should have blocked him as soon as the weird fawning over your profile began.

Original poster
ArtemisW · 30/05/2023 09:34

@Spanielsarepainless Yup, really all quite weird. He was coming across as desperate for a shag and maybe he was! I think some men fail to understand that if a woman just wanted casual sex all she'd need to do is go outside. That's it. Sex is very easy to come by for women.

OP posts:
BodegaSushi · 30/05/2023 09:35

Now you know for next time, don't ignore the red flags. His behaviour before you even met on a date was odd.

As women we often feel like we have to excuse behaviour that makes us uncomfortable because we don't want to be seen as rude or unkind.

You dodged a bullet.

Original poster
ArtemisW · 30/05/2023 09:35

@AutisticLegoLover Very good advice!!! Thanks.

OP posts:
samestyle · 30/05/2023 09:37

Not at all, you need to be brutal to weed out creeps, for this reason I've learnt not to give me personal number out quickly, I want to talk to them on the app only for a few days, by then any obvious weirdness is likely to show, I'm two weeks in and everyone of them deleted off so far 😂

Original poster
ArtemisW · 30/05/2023 09:37

@SmileyClare yep, in future I'll block straight away. So weird how he went from meek and fawning to acting as though he was literally sitting there w@nking and requesting pics

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 30/05/2023 09:45

I agree, you encountered a weirdo!

“Ive been staring at your photo since I woke up” is probably the guaranteed line to make woman on dating sites run screaming in the other direction. 😂

Hopefully you can laugh about this with your mates- you must feel a bit sullied! Yuk

Dont let this be a head fuck- it’s not your fault at all x

Whatonearthisgoingonnnn · 30/05/2023 09:45

Yuck! Yeah - block! Totally right thing to do!!

His messages sound like the creepy inner monologue of Joe in You!!! In fact - I even read them with that voice 😂

Original poster
ArtemisW · 30/05/2023 09:49

@Whatonearthisgoingonnnn Hahahaha. Maybe he was giving me a Joe vibe!

OP posts:
sueelleker · 30/05/2023 10:00

Sounds like a desperate virgin to me. 😉

Hillrunning · 30/05/2023 10:09

Good that you blocked him bit I don't see a big shift in his behaviour, he was super creepy from that first 'you are so impressive' message. Bleurgh.

Original poster
ArtemisW · 30/05/2023 10:13

@Hillrunning All that creepy "you are so impressive" stuff was about my career. It felt like a leap for him to then start ranting on and on about "intimacy"

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 30/05/2023 10:29

I get that, what I'm trying to show you (since you missed it as a red flag) is that slathered on insincere complements regardless of the topic are always about the end goal of sexual demands. 'But I made out you weren't worthless, so you should be grateful to give me sex'

HorribleNecktie · 30/05/2023 11:03

I heard a lot of guys are using Chat GPT to write their messages on OLD.

Just be absolutely ruthless with them.

SmileyClare · 30/05/2023 11:19

a lot of men are using ChatGPT

ChatGPT has no clue how to converse with women then or any idea what women find attractive.

What a depressing thought- now not only do we have to work out if a person is genuine online, we have to assume we might be talking to a robot.

Original poster
ArtemisW · 30/05/2023 11:29

@HorribleNecktie OMG that is wild!

OP posts:
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