Am I over-reacting? Weird, rather creepy messages....

[ArtemisW]

I was talking to a guy on a dating site who seemed nice, but pretty lacking in confidence and kept kind of really fawning. For example, one message he sent me was “You’re just so impressive. Wow, did you click like on me by mistake. You’re so accomplished, you’re really so impressive.. I hope you don’t mind me mentioning how attractive you are. ” He also really dithered about asking me for a date, and he just kept dropping hints like “we could do that o na date” or “we could go there together” instead of actually just asking me when I was free.

I thought, hey, let me give the guy a chance. Every guy is not going to be super confident and pro-active. He works for a charity that supports traumatised people and that made me assume that maybe he’s a really nice guy….

But then without warning he suddenly totally changed. It started with a text early in the morning saying good morning and then apologising for texting me and saying he just couldn’t stop thinking about me and that he’d been staring at my photos since the moment he woke up. Then he texted “I just really fancy you xx.” Then it was, “any nice photos I can have? I need to stare at you. You’re the rare package — beautiful, smart and creative.”

I was not even replying at this point. We had already previously established that we were both ultimately looking for a relationship and and NOT situationships, FWB etc.

After more similarly full-on texts I finally I asked him what exactly he’s looking for (even though we’d already discussed this). He said, “I’m looking to meet someone and experience intimacy. Physical and emotional intimacy. And if that goes well, for it to be a lasting thing.”

I explained that’s not what I’m looking for and wished him luck and made it clear I’m not interested.

He refused to leave it there. He continued bombarding me with more messages, including: “How did you find it being single? Did you miss the intimacy, or did you still get that.”

And then, “I really think you and I will click. I need a woman that enjoys sex and will have sex with me and I think that’s you. You seem so nice and I just want to meet you in person, have intimacy and hope it develops into something special and long lasting.”

At this point I just blocked him.

I found the way his behaviour suddenly changed so odd that I actually felt a bit shaken up for the rest of the day.

Did I overreact?

Creepy sex pest!

Yea he sounded pretty creepy from the get go.

You are not overreacting.

Nobody who lacks confidence would have the guts to send messages like “you are so impressive, please send me wank fodder pics”. Or if they do have the guts it’s only because you will NEVER actually meet them in real life.

Your first few sentences flagged up huge desperate creepy stalker/sex pest vibes (no offence to you) and you did right to block him.

He’ll be trotting that stuff out to his next potential victim now you’ve blocked him. I bet he’s even got a timer set to see how long he can last before getting blocked.

Well on the plus side at least you found out he was a creep before you met him so it saved you time and money

In my experience guys that are overly nice like that with really full on compliments are normally "nice guys" who think you owe them sex because they are nice and are actually convinced that women owe them something and if they don't get it they've been wronged.

There's a very short step between a "nice guy" and an incel. (and I'm using "nice guy" because I don't mean genuinely nice men)

Ugh grim, you didn’t overreact and did the right thing by blocking immediately!

block x

Yep creepy sex pest - worrying he is walking around with those weird thoughts going on his head.

You did the right thing.
He sounds slippery, slimy and gross. You gave him more of a chance than most of us would, and he just got creepier.

Women are trained to be sweet and accommodating when it comes to men, no matter how much our gut instinct is telling us we want to get away from this person. It takes active effort to go against that social conditioning but for your own wellbeing and safety, if someone triggers that gut response, block them.

There are plenty of good dudes out there who won't give you the creeps. Don't waste your time on someone who does.

@Catchasingmewithspiders OMG he might actually be an Incel!

You did right - I was far too nice a year ago and whilst trying OLD I got reeled in by this type of man

He then told me he was into sex clubs and threesomes, on sex hook up sites and dumped me without warning. It shook me up and made me realise my boundaries needed work before I went anywhere near dating again .

I found most older men (over 40) to be sleazy on line .

Oh and this one messaged me again a year later asking for casual sex , and that he was now practicing erotic hypnosis!

I told him to fuck off , said I thought he had the capacity to be dangerous and blocked his new number . Creep .

Chat GPT will be "learning" from other messages from men, so good luck with that!

@AnyaMarx

So creepy! Did this guy you were talking to initially pretend to be a "nice guy" too?

You can't 'over-react' unless there are parameters set externally from you about how you should act.

It's really important to set your own boundaries rather than doing things as you think you 'should'. There are laws, but aside from that, you do what you feel, and you don't let anybody tell you you are over-reacting or over-sensitive or under-affectionate or over- or under- anything. How 'over' you are with something is a definition of your personality, and therefore something to be respected, not corrected.

@Watchkeys I sigh when I see the term "over-reacting." Or "oversensitive." OP did the right thing by terminating contact though.