DH wants to share DC delayed milestones on Facebook

[streetcatnameddog]

I would appreciate some perspective as DH and I both think the other is being unreasonable….. Basically, our DS is awaiting hospital tests due to delayed motor skills, and we’ve been told there may be a serious underlying cause.

DS unexpectedly met a new milestone yesterday, which was absolutely fantastic. DH wants to put it on FB as he is so happy. I don’t, as he has about 2000 FB “friends” (many of whom he’s never met, though we do have quite a few shared friends too). It’ll be very obvious to many people that there is a problem, due to DS age and that he has only done this now. I’m already worried sick about the potential underlying causes and future implications for DS, and can’t face having to share all this with literally hundreds of strangers. I doubt most will be particularly interested, but I really don’t want to deal with any questions until we know more. Our close friends and family already know and have been supportive, but I don’t see why random distant cousins, old neighbours, ex colleagues etc need to be informed. DH has agreed not to post it, but is now sulking. What do others think?

I agree with you. Particularly as there could be an underlying issue. It's great that he's so pleased but I think best kept to those who are closest to you. I totally understand your desire to not be questioned by people too. This kind of thing is already stressful enough without a load of randoms and people who may comment on it etc.

Both parents need to agree as to what is shared about their child on social media. If one parent objects to making posts, no posts should be made.

I think you've explained very cleary why you feel the way you do, OP - I'm surprising your husband isn't showing you empathy here. In my opinion, he is being unreasonable.

Great news about the milestone - wishing more for your son and positive developments for him x

It really is violating your DC privacy.

Any 'milestones' of your DH you'd like to share...?

Your husband needs to listen to you - I hope your son continues to make progress (in private)

You are absolutely right, you need to protect your DC’s privacy.

I can see your point and about protecting your sons privacy but I would also be pleased a father was proud of his child and wanted to show how proud he was 🤷‍♀️

Thank you very much for the replies, I was starting to question myself until now and am relieved to see that others agree with me (so far)

You're right. But why don't you set up a family WhatsApp if you haven't already, then you can share the good news with family in a private way.

I can see your point and about protecting your sons privacy but I would also be pleased a father was proud of his child and wanted to show how proud he was 🤷‍♀️

I get this too, and I know that’s the main reason he wants to post it. I just can’t bear the thought of having to explain to anyone else what is going on just yet, until we know more.

You can be proud of your kids without compromising their privacy on Facebook.

Protect your children. Private WhatsApp groups or whatever to share with a certain few but not publicly online. Your children deserve full privacy until they are adults and can make choices.

That is a good idea Motherhubbard. We have a family chat for his side of the family. He’s disappeared into the spare room for the night but will suggest this tomorrow. He was literally typing out the FB post earlier when I pointed out that his mum might be a bit hurt to read it online, rather than him ringing her first.

Facebook will allow you to share a post only with a select group. Could he share it on FB but restrict it only to people he actually knows and is close to?

I think I am on his side here, TBH. He is proud of his child and wants to share that. Him sharing the achievement won't change your child's diagnosis, will it? And if it's shared on his FB, presumably the questions won't come to you, but to him?

Or could you simply say to him that you won't be answering any questions?

When my dd was in year six, for homework she has to google herself and look on the internet to see what she could find about herself. I felt really quite sick at at the idea of her sitting there at ten and there perhaps being photos or anything that she wouldn't like to see. It was really confronting for me.

The fact he has 2000 "friends" on facebook suggests an over developed need for validation. He really shouldn't be using your child for that purpose.

Either lock down the post so only a handful of named people can view it or, as others have said, create a family WhatsApp

*I think I am on his side here, TBH. He is proud of his child and wants to share that. Him sharing the achievement won't change your child's diagnosis, will it? And if it's shared on his FB, presumably the questions won't come to you, but to him?

Or could you simply say to him that you won't be answering any questions?*

I honestly do see your point, and I know his heart is in the right place. I had a quick look at our mutual FB friends, which has also made me realise I need to update my privacy settings. One of them for example is a woman who lived next door to my mum >40 years ago, and another was a receptionist in a building that I last worked in 2012. I’ll talk to him about it once the silent treatment stops.

Couldn't he just share how proud he is face to face when he meets up with people? Or have a private conversation?

YANBU....I would also be concerned that your DH thinks its okay to have 2000 friends on Facebook, some of whom he has never met (?!) and to share details of his personal life and photos/ of/stuff about his child with them all.When DH and I had our first child we slimmed down our friends list considerably, and now only have around 100 each, consisting of people we know fairly well and would at least say hello to in passing.
Not saying your DH wouldn't have more, but 2000 including people he doesn't even know is ridiculous.
It's not a popularity contest.
If he is sharing stuff about his personal life on there, he should only be wanting to do that with people he actually sees or would at least say hi to in the street, surely!

And he's gone to sleep in the spare room just because you asked him not to post a photo of your child on Facebook? Over-reaction much....he sounds incredibly childish OP!

Have a look at the Facebook terms and conditions regarding ownership of the data and images you upload.

He is a moron if he thinks it's acceptable to invade his own child's privacy in that way, all for some pathetic need to show off to strangers.

I can’t stand this sort of attention seeking. It’s like a game to these people. Why can’t he just be happy with you and your child and those close to you about this milestone instead of needing comments from randoms.

have around 100 each, consisting of people we know fairly well and would at least say hello to in passing

Are people really FB friends with people they wouldn't say hello to in passing? In that case it would be really odd to share personal news with them on-line.

And now he’s sulking. It’s repulsive.

Share it via WhatsApp to those you want to share with.

I agree you can't post to social media if one parent objected but proud parents should be able to be proud

....and you do know of course that when its posted on social media it is there for ever.