DH wants to share DC delayed milestones on Facebook

[streetcatnameddog]

I would appreciate some perspective as DH and I both think the other is being unreasonable….. Basically, our DS is awaiting hospital tests due to delayed motor skills, and we’ve been told there may be a serious underlying cause.

DS unexpectedly met a new milestone yesterday, which was absolutely fantastic. DH wants to put it on FB as he is so happy. I don’t, as he has about 2000 FB “friends” (many of whom he’s never met, though we do have quite a few shared friends too). It’ll be very obvious to many people that there is a problem, due to DS age and that he has only done this now. I’m already worried sick about the potential underlying causes and future implications for DS, and can’t face having to share all this with literally hundreds of strangers. I doubt most will be particularly interested, but I really don’t want to deal with any questions until we know more. Our close friends and family already know and have been supportive, but I don’t see why random distant cousins, old neighbours, ex colleagues etc need to be informed. DH has agreed not to post it, but is now sulking. What do others think?

While there are plenty of good reasons not to upload photos of your children, Facebook doesn’t attempt to claim any ownership of the images you upload, and never have. It was a bizarre rumour started by someone who either didn’t understand or wilfully misinterpreted the T&Cs.

The sulking would piss me right off

Both of your feelings are valid. Both my children have SEN and I have shared delayed milestones myself years ago (pre diagnosis) because I felt so proud and happy in the same way many parents want to share special moments for their family. It’s equally ok not to want to share things your children do. We are all different and neither is wrong

I’m a proud parent. Respecting my children’s privacy doesn’t make me less proud.

He is free to share his own information. He’s not free to share other people’s information. His child is an actual real human being with his own human rights.

This isn’t about his child - it’s about his own need for validation.

It sounds as if much of his support system is online, though? So perhaps he doesn't often meet up with people. And initiating a private conversation is quite emotionally draining - when the OP doesn't even feel up to answering questions (very understandably), it is surely unfair to expect the child's dad to do something far more difficult?

I agree about sharing it with close family and I’ll speak to him about the family WhatsApp group. SIL (his sister) would be annoyed with him if she had to read it on FB first too, as we are very close. I’ll suggest that he rings MIL first.

I’m upset as he thinks it’s ok to go in a sulk and add to the stress we are already under. But I’m going to try and get a big of sleep now. Thanks for all the replies x

*bit

There are some countries looking at laws around this.
Your child has a right to privacy. Please don't post this sort of thing on social media.

He definitely shouldn’t. It’s very unfair to your child as they can’t consent to have that information shared about them. Of course he can tell a few close family and friends. But on FB is so inappropriate

i think that level of sharing is inappropriate, but I also think the sulking is. Does he struggle to think things through?
I hope you have good support op and that your dc continues to make progress.

Your DC has a right to privacy.

Trumpeting to a load of people including strangers that they are achieving the milestones later than other children could hang round their neck and be used against them later by bullies.

Your family would reasonably like to be kept informed, if only so they can offer help and support.

Having to read it online (as a kind of press release) with everyone else might upset them.

The possibility of intrusive nosing from acquaintances pretending they're being kind must be exhausting and one you'd probably rather not have to deal with right now.

And stropping off to the spare room for silent sulking would give me serious ick. You have enough to cope with, without an adult man behaving like a sullen adolescent.

Agree with you OP. It's really unfair on your son for your DH to broadcast info that could indicate his medical/ developmental status. That's very personal to him. Of course this will be known within his close family, friends, school, community but it isn't actually DH's own private information to spread around thousands of people. If there is an issue your son may prefer to be discreet when he is older. I have a couple of chronic conditions and would not have particularly appreciated or gained anything from my parents screeching it from the rooftops. Obv not suggesting your son has any particular condition or anything but that's the thinking.

I'm very proud of my premmie but don't feel the need to publicly announce it. How odd. I just rang my Mum when something massive happened.