I'll try and keep it brief.
I feel like I'm being such a bitch.
DH has been on an antidepressant for 15 years.
Its side effects for him were night sweats, night terrors, and a dead sleep.
So at night he gets super sweaty, shouts things out whilst dreaming, screams, hits out, kicks and in the morning it's a NIGHTMARE to wake him up. Which caused a lot of arguments because I would have to try like 6 times to get him out of bed.
Over the last 5 years he went from a very high dosage of this pill to the lowest.
And about 8 weeks ago, because of all that and some other issues he stopped it altogether.
The withdrawal was very bad.
He's been really mentally sick since coming off it. A completly different person in the day time. Anxious, scared. Cries alot.
He was already think but lost a stone.
He was put on a different antidepressant which didn't have the night time side effects but just wasn't helping him with the anxiety.
He said yesterday he can't take it anymore.
I can't stress how poorly he has been mentally without these tablets.
So yesterday he found a pack of his low dose of old tablets and took one.
And now it's 2am and I'm lay here, wide awake but already he's started to kick me and shout stuff.
And I know in the morning he will be hard to wake ( and he's really nasty because I try to wake him) After he's been awake 15 mins he apologises because he knows he's been rude but at the time he's so deep in sleep me rousing him just makes him say things like 'fuck off'
I just want to cry.
Our relationship the last week, even though he's been really anxious and unwell, I feel, has been so much better because I've had a full night sleep with no disturbances and I've not had the horrible routine of trying to get him up.
Without the pills he wakes up happy and jumps out of bed after 10 mins like anyone normally.
But they make him sane. They make him be able to function.
But I'm supposed to just be kicked the rest of my life all night because it makes him not suicidal I guess is the very core of the matter??!
I feel selfish because the way he's been the last few weeks has been really disturbing and distressing, he just hasn't coped without the pills.
But now I feel like that's it, he will never be off them and my life is going to be bad sleep and morning arguments.
I'm not asking for a solution. I'm just sad.
Sad for me. Sad for him.
He's a good man and it's these pills that make him a horrible grumpy morning person, which has been proven by the fact he's been great the last few weeks at waking up happy.
But I have to deal with that because what's the alternative? He's so upset and anxious he hurts himself without them??