DH, pills, night terrors

[ExhaustedAlready]

I'll try and keep it brief.

I feel like I'm being such a bitch.

DH has been on an antidepressant for 15 years.
Its side effects for him were night sweats, night terrors, and a dead sleep.

So at night he gets super sweaty, shouts things out whilst dreaming, screams, hits out, kicks and in the morning it's a NIGHTMARE to wake him up. Which caused a lot of arguments because I would have to try like 6 times to get him out of bed.

Over the last 5 years he went from a very high dosage of this pill to the lowest.

And about 8 weeks ago, because of all that and some other issues he stopped it altogether.

The withdrawal was very bad.

He's been really mentally sick since coming off it. A completly different person in the day time. Anxious, scared. Cries alot.

He was already think but lost a stone.

He was put on a different antidepressant which didn't have the night time side effects but just wasn't helping him with the anxiety.

He said yesterday he can't take it anymore.

I can't stress how poorly he has been mentally without these tablets.

So yesterday he found a pack of his low dose of old tablets and took one.

And now it's 2am and I'm lay here, wide awake but already he's started to kick me and shout stuff.

And I know in the morning he will be hard to wake ( and he's really nasty because I try to wake him) After he's been awake 15 mins he apologises because he knows he's been rude but at the time he's so deep in sleep me rousing him just makes him say things like 'fuck off'

I just want to cry.

Our relationship the last week, even though he's been really anxious and unwell, I feel, has been so much better because I've had a full night sleep with no disturbances and I've not had the horrible routine of trying to get him up.

Without the pills he wakes up happy and jumps out of bed after 10 mins like anyone normally.

But they make him sane. They make him be able to function.

But I'm supposed to just be kicked the rest of my life all night because it makes him not suicidal I guess is the very core of the matter??!

I feel selfish because the way he's been the last few weeks has been really disturbing and distressing, he just hasn't coped without the pills.

But now I feel like that's it, he will never be off them and my life is going to be bad sleep and morning arguments.

I'm not asking for a solution. I'm just sad.

Sad for me. Sad for him.

He's a good man and it's these pills that make him a horrible grumpy morning person, which has been proven by the fact he's been great the last few weeks at waking up happy.

But I have to deal with that because what's the alternative? He's so upset and anxious he hurts himself without them??

He needs the pills. And you need sleep. The solution is don't sleep next to him. I don't sleep next to my husband. It's not a big deal.

What is the house situation? Do you have a dining room? Could you get him a couch bed downstairs?

There must be other meds he can try?? There are dozens of MH meds.

You should not have to put up with being hit and kicked in the night (and I have never heard of this as a side effect by any of my friends who take ADs).

So, new meds and separate beds until his night-time issues are sorted.

There's no seperate bed. There's nowhere for another bed to go, absolutely nowhere. Even the living room is too small for a pull out.

He's going to ask for the new med to be upped at next appointment to hopefully kick in better.

There's a reason sleep deprivation is used for torture. I really think you should prioritise your sleep and re-evaluate when you have a few nights sleep under your belt. Lots of people sleep separately for their own sanity - it's not uncommon.

If he can sleep through these incidents I bet he can sleep on the couch. You may need to be creative for your own sanity.

People don't seem to be reading the updates.

This isn't a temporary thing, if he takes the tablets and we have no spare room, are you suggesting he sleeps on the couch till he's 80?

And...hes decided not to take the pills again after the night I posted about this because he remembered how bad the sleeping situation was and has decided to continue with the new pills with no sleep side effects and hope they take the anxiety away after a few weeks.

Yes we've read the updates and if he cracks and goes back on the same pills you'd be much better off with a daybed in the front room than a sofa. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Or you can be sleep deprived forever.

Hopefully this second go works, but honestly, I think you shouldn't be focused on sharing beds if it doesn't.

Was the original drug mirtazapine? My dh took that for bipolar and severe depression and had all the same issues with weight gain / night terrors etc. It was awful. He was then moved to sertraline which he couldn’t get on with at all and then citalopram but the initial dose he was on was far too low. He’s now been on 50mg for years and it’s been amazing, he’s like a different person. No anxiety and completely stable apart from the very occasional moment of low mood. You have to challenge the dosing and keep going with it.

It was venlafaxine.

He had no Wright gain, he's very skinny, he actually wants to put weight on.

It's escitalopram he's been prescribed now but only 10mg. I was on citalopram for years and it helped so much but I was on 40mg. 10 did nothing for me.

I'm so glad it worked for your husband, must be such a relief.

Single beds surely is an option? I would prioritise that other bedroom furniture tbh and try earplugs.

A few thoughts:

I find it very odd the hills that people want to die on. You can't sleep in separate beds forever because that would somehow be worse than getting no sleep and being hit and kicked? OK then.

Also, ADs build up in your system. I find it odd that after taking one low dose he's back to having severe symptoms that same night.

Anyway, good update, hope he sticks to the new ones.

I did read the updates. I still find it very odd that you put up with being kicked and hit in your sleep for years instead of working out an alternative (swapping crunch in lounge for sofa bed, buying blow-up bed for lounge floor, etc.).

I'd have asked your h to go back to the doc years ago to get new meds.

I think your h is having a v odd reaction to the pills, and this should be mentioned to the GP as well.

Is he having ongoing counselling? Do you think his MH issues will ever be resolved?

Couch, not crunch

Or this.

Mirtazepine would work well for your husband It really helps you to sleep and works as an appetite stimulant as well . Good luck OP. As said before taking 2 different anti depressants can work well to cover different aspects of depression/anxiety

He took that years ago. It didn't help with the night terrors but he did gain weight (too much back then as he was a healthy weight when he started it so he had to diet for the only time in his life on that medicine )

God you poor buggers.

Anyway - how much exercise does he get? I was thinking (tentatively) some daily jogging or brisk walking or other exercise every evening might help a little with the anxiety, while he's going through the "now let's try this stage" with what he's being prescribed. It usually helps and is pretty low risk.