DP keeps brining up something traumatising.

[2BANON]

My DP keeps bringing up something that happened to me in my 20"s
I was sexually assaulted by his sisters BF at the time.

It happened over 20 yrs ago and I have put it to the back of my mind as a coping strategy. But Now I can't actually cope with him not believing me.
I got out of the situation as readily as I could and put it down as a bad experience. I told my closest family who helped me move out of the house share and just got on with life.
But now DP thinks I was a willing participate.
And keeps bringing it up and it's triggering me after nearly 3 years of being together.

We were together when young.
How the fuck do I deal with it?

I thought the same. Siding with a perpetrator

Leave him
This isn't going to work
He is a right peice of work

Dump him. And tell him why.
“You don’t believe me or are choosing not to believe me”. Why? Is it too close to home? Is it something you did to someone and you can’t face the fact that it was sexual assault so you do the classic victim blaming to absolve yourself of any guilt. Think about that for a minute. I was sexually assaulted, why would I lie about that? We’re done”.

I wonder if he didn't really believe that you were assaulted Op, that he's always thought you cheated on him and then regretted it. I'm not saying he's right, not at all, but if he thought that it would explain why after all these years it's still on his mind. Maybe he thinks you'll now be prepared to "confess" when he brings it up.
Or maybe he's now looking for an affair and is trying to justify it? Either way it's pretty twisted Op

This

Just about sums it up!

It's terrible enough that he keeps bringing up something traumatising. But what makes this much, much worse is that he's bringing it up to tell you he doesn't believe you.

He doesn't believe you were sexually assualted. He thinks you were a willing participant. That's disgusting. Shocking. Vile.

The only possible course of action is to leave him. Because he doesn't think anything of you. He thinks you've lied about being sexually assaulted. He doesn't trust you. He doesn't respect your word.

And for what reason - either he just doesn't believe you - thinks you are lying, untrustworthy generally.

OR he doesn't think sexual assault is a 'thing' - thinks the woman is complicit. ie he's the worst kind of mysogenist.

Either way he's bad news.

As your DP he should support you through trauma. Not mention things that you've asked him not to talk about. He's doing the exact opposite, trauling up old trauams and making them more traumatic, repeastedly.

He is TRYING to hurt you and trauamtise you more. He's dangerous. He's uncaring. He's vile. Please leave him.

This is truly horrible behaviour OP. Not believing you. Bringing it up unnecessarily to try and hurt you. This is not something a kind and loving partner would do. Please dump him as soon as you can.

I believe you OP.

Dump him and tell him veer clearly why.

I am sorry op you deserve much much better.

This, a million times. How dare he? 🤬🤬🤬

If he still doesn’t believe you after 20 years he never will. Consider if you can tolerate living the rest of your life with someone who 1. Thinks you’re lying about a serious sexual assault. 2. Clearly doesn’t give a toss about your feelings and doesn’t give two hoots about your personal safety 3. Will likely not believe any concerns you may have in the future about your own safety 4. Won’t take future concerns about your children seriously 5. Sounds like a raging misogynist who thinks women are liars or that sexual attacks are “their own fault”.

Dont minimise the above, it speaks to very dysfunctional, misogynist and appalling personality traits that are part of who he is at his very core.

Leave. You can do way better than this.

WTAF

Why is he bringing it up?

Fucking horrible behaviour.

Why shouldn’t he believe you? Firstly, what sort of partner questions the truth of something like this, secondly, why is he bringing this up and forcing you to talk about it or listen to him talk about it.

Get rid, you don’t have to put up with this. This is not the behaviour of a caring, trustworthy partner.

I would deal with it by telling him to get the fuck out if my life and never dare speak to me again. Using past abuse as a weapon to hurt the victim is the mark of an absolute bastard.

What an utter arsehole he is, @2BANON - I agree, dump him!

It might not be that he doesn't believe you. He might just be using your past trauma to retraumatise you. What's he like in general with you?

Not that that makes any difference to what I think you should do

I really hope you dump him asap but do not believe a word he says if he tries to manipulate you to get you to give him another chance. He's repeatedly told you the sort of nasty man he is. He won't change.

Maybe tell your family what he's been doing so you will have support to dump him.

Dump him 💐

Nasty twat. Get rid

How are you?

this is emotional abuse.
leave it won't get any better.

I don’t know if I should offer a hand hold or a kick up the bum. You’ve got stuck trying to assert your innocence when you should have kicked this fucker to the kerb long ago. No more excuses, ltb and don’t look back.

Oh God OP this happened to me. The man I thought would feel protective and care only that I was safe and healing, did not believe me, and attacked me rather than be absolutely on my side and furious on my behalf.

your partner should have your back, and NOT with a damn knife in his hand ready to stab you. The person who should be protective has made it clear he’s not a safe person; he doesn’t even believe you?! When he SHOULD be holding you and helping you feel better.

dump him. No second chances. He’s shown exactly who he is. Trash. He’s complete trash.

it is satisfying to shut the door in the faces of men who don’t believe us.

Also: he doesn’t believe you?
he’s bringing it back up and actively harming your healing process by doing so?

he doesn’t deserve one more second of your life. He deserves to know EXACTLY how hugely he just fucked up.

Leave him. This is really messed up and is going to cause you so much harm long term.

There's no coming back from this. None.

Whatever he says or does and whatever you say or do. Your relationship is over.

I'm sorry he doesn't believe you. What a bastard.