How to split when can't sell the house...

[DinoPigeon]

I instigated our separation early last year. Many years of STBXH being unfaithful. Finding viagra and condoms in his work bag was a final straw. My self esteem went through the floor.

But we had killed our savings the year before with a big kitchen extension and new windows and an unplanned but essential change of car. To sensibly split, we need to sell the house. H refuses to move out. He's in the spare bedroom. I don't want to move out either as H would let the house get to disgusting levels of cleanliness. And I couldn't afford to rent near the kids school - even if they shared a bedroom. And lots of reasons really.

Two primary age children.

The house has been on the market a year - with hardly any viewings. Even cutting the price significantly did bugger all. The problem (according to the estate agents - we have two - got desperate) is that people in the area want new houses - with stamp duty paid etc - and there are two huge new estates nearby. Ours is from 1989 with unfashionable brown wood everywhere and bathrooms which need updating.

What do people do in this situation? Just wait? I just don't know how much longer I can cope with smug but angry H. I'm an increasingly empty person just getting through life.

So rubbish OP, i’m sorry your H has done this to you.

It’s pretty much always down to price. Likely, even with the price drop, yours is still
too much. If the price is low enough buyers can change the outdated decor and the bathrooms. If the estates are huge you might be waiting forever as well, depending on how many new houses there are still to shift. I’d speak to the estate agents about cutting it further. They must have some idea how far off the make you are.

I think people just don't have the cash. It's all going on mortgages. So they can afford to buy a £750k new build but can't afford my £500k equivalent and spend the necessary £50-80k. That's the sort of difference we're looking at. Estate agent originally got us to put it on for £600k - on the basis of the next door neighbour selling for that last year - but their house was immaculate...

Would you be prepared to post a link? Perhaps on a new thread with a name change. People can often give some great insight.

OP, the problem is the building society will only lend the £500k, not many people can afford the extra £60-80 to do the renovations at the moment. You may get need to speak to EA and ask if a further reduction will be needed. Clearly you can't carry on as you are for too long.

Yes. The lending isn't the problem - it's having the actual cash. I'd be the same - the banks are willing to lend me £££ but I wouldn't have cash to spend whether I borrow £200k or £300k (if that makes sense).

Estate agents just say it's a tough market. They don't think reducing the price more will help. They didn't think I should reduce it at all TBH.

I don't feel I want to post a link. A lot of friends know very little about our split. A lot of neighbours too!

The estate agents will tell you not to reduce it more as they will have to reduce everyone else's by the same which brings down house prices and they're own profit, it allways comes down to price unfortunately, especially with cost of living and interest rates and mortgage rates alot more than last year which means everyone has less to spend, my only suggestion would be to reduce it more but it depends how desperate you are, in my area 3 Bed semis have gone up 40% in the past couple of years which is just unsustainable and they are now sitting there for months and months on rightmove now not selling

So they can afford to buy a £750k new build but can't afford my £500k equivalent and spend the necessary £50-80k

I'm struggling with the logic of this. First of all you've just replaced windows so presumably the brown window frames have gone? Can't you or your purchasers paint the remaining dark woodwork?

There's a brand new kitchen so it would make sense for people to save up by not paying an extra £250k of mortgage repayments then gradually replace bathrooms.

There's a huge difference between repayments on a £750k house and a £500k house.

Auction it?

You have my sympathies OP. We spent all our savings doing up our house and are now separated but living together. House has been on market a few weeks with no viewings so far…it’s awful to think we could be stuck like this for months /years so trying not to think about that.
Do your children know re split? We’ve not told ours yet

Rather than a link, could you just post a couple of pics which you can then delete?

Maybe we can give some suggestions

I totally get the financial implications for buyers with mortgage costs vs renovation cash

Have you contacted one of the house buying companies just to see what they would offer?
Or considered selling via auction?
You could get less, but would it be worth it for speed of separation...?

Are you grey rocking your STBXH to keep your sanity for now? Don't look at his smug face, ignore him

The estate agents will tell you not to reduce it more as they will have to reduce everyone else's by the same which brings down house prices and they're own profit

Well, they're not going to make any profit if they're not selling any houses so that doesn't make sense either.

It's the price, OP.

The thing is - if we put it down to £400k , we walk away with nearly nothing. About £40k each after fees. I would then be looking to buy at around the £250-280k mark which wouldn't get more than a 2 bed flat. And the children can't share long term. Or I could rent but then I'd be stuffed on retirement - which isn't that far off really.

I know it's all a balance between acknowledging my family life has gone and wanting a good basis for starting the next phase.

I'll look at auctions. I wonder if it's a different buying crowd.

And yes - total grey rock here! It's still galling though. I can't talk to him about anything (essential school or kids issues, possible house things) without it being stressful. Then he swans off for the night without a care in the world.

The children don't know. It's too intangible a concept I think until he moves out.

The only viable thing you can do is to try and increase earning potential
so whatever job you have , try and jump up a few levels or sideways up

and really focus in on your mental health

i quietly prepared to seperate for many years before we actually did

A house is only worth what someone is willing to pay. My advice is to take it off the market for at least 3 months. Declutter, see if there's any way of modernising cheaply eg painting over dark wood etc (spending max 1-2 thousand) then relist with a different agent.

I agree with this. While people will pay more on mortgage repayments for the perfect, ready to move into house, I don’t think it’s generally to the tune of quarter of a million or an additional 3rd of the cost of an equivalent house that needs a bit of work. Maybe I’m naive, but round here the reduction in cost would roughly equate to the cost of the work required, with a little bit extra knocked off for inconvenience…nowhere near a 3rd of the total buying cost (popular area of the south coast). I therefore think your house is probably still too much as a stand alone agent, not just in comparison to the new builds.

Have you had legal advice ?
is selling the house now the only option?
have you looked AFC’s fair share of assets and how to split considering all assets? Are there pensions?
id think carefully about selling now if you gad Rick bottom prices - probably be better for one if you to stay there a few years and the other to rent - is this possible based on mortgage etc
wjat are both your earnings ? Can one get larger mortgage than the other ? Will cms be paid ?

I wouldn’t rush to sell until all these things are ironed out

Blooming spelling !

re the house - can you paint the wood and modernise things? Don’t have to spend loads of money on some cheap tricks to lighten and brighten etc

Get legal advice about the split. It may be possible to mediate a separation in such a way that he is happy to let you buy him out if he thinks he will do better on other assets.

The estate agents will tell you not to reduce it more as they will have to reduce everyone else's by the same which brings down house prices and they're own profit
This, if you want it to sell you need to slash the price but the estate agent won't want to do that ....for reasons above!

This sounds awful - could an interim solution be a rental that you share - so be in the house with the kids other parent in rented flat 50/50?

In your shoes (I was) I told the children, and placed a massive for sale sign outside the house. Local friend bought the house for over the asking: they loved the area, weren't looking to move immediately, however their view was if the right house came up, they would... house was on market 23 of the month, sold by the 8th of the next. Give it a go: keeping it all cloak and dagger means nobody can talk about it, and get it moving.

For your well-being, emotionally and legally, you really need to properly separate! Get solicitor advice re all assets, child maintenance and house info. If you are not letting children or school etc know then you haven’t moved on healthily.
Also - my two teens (18 & 14) still share and always have done…they are very close and plan to get a place together once younger one old enough. You don’t have to live your life following norms that don’t work best for your family.

Reduce the price more

Or sell via auction (you set a minimum price)

If one person cannot buy the other out

Why should one person move out, if you both own?

Sell & have a proper separation & go your own individual ways (apart from managing the children)

Rent out the house and rent something smaller "to do" and revisit in 12 months?

@DinoPigeon - did you sell? In a similar position here, your thread only came up as I googled, wasn't even on MN! I hope you have good news!