Partner of 35 years just called me a ho

[gymbunny2]

I’ve been with my husband for 35 years since we were teenagers. Divorce has been on the cards on and off for many years but he broke down and cried to me a few weeks ago when I said it was definitely over because of his aggressive attitude and behaviour towards everyone not least our adult daughters who is often refers to as cunts if they leave some washing up on the side etc ( even as I type this I think how stupid I am for trying again). Anyway when we argued a few weeks ago I brought up some out of order things he’s done in the past, some years ago and he’s obviously been stewing on this as because I wouldn’t jump in to bed with him yesterday he’s been in a foul mood and today called me a ho. Said all his mates told him when we got together not to go with me. For context, my brother had died suddenly a few years earlier when I was just 10 and I always wanted someone just to love me. When I started to get male attention at 14/15 from boys the same age and often when booze was involved, I made bad choices but one one occasion this was with someone much older, 23 I wanted to tell him to stop but I just didn’t know how to. My husband knows this but I’ve not gone into all the details in the past to spare him.
So today when we argued he called me a ho, said his family (drug addicts) asked why he was with me but he said he loved me. He has really broken me with this comment, there is no other reason to call me that. I never go out without him and we rarely even go out together.
Later in the argument he said he’s said that to show me how much it hurts when someone drags things up from the past like I did.
i just feel broken.

Leave him and go be happy, and he can sod off and find a grown woman who has never been within 20ft of another bloke or made a single mistake in her life like he wants to appease his insecurities… He’ll be looking for a long time trust me!

There is a point where a back story can stop. I know this personally. Sometimes it can happen with gentleness; sometimes a cold, hard fact. Sometimes both.

Calling your kids cunts is unforgivable. That should be enough

Jesus, he sounds awful. I think you must know that it's time this relationship ended. Calling his daughters 'cunts'? That's obscene.

And what sort of grown arsed man uses the term "ho"? Is your husband a rapper from the Bronx?

I mean it shouldn't matter your past for him to be verbally abusive to you is unacceptable.

It's even worse considering the insult is based on a child's sex life and subsequent grooming/assault.

He's a nasty little man who's finally showing his true colours. He's trying to break you OP. To make you stay through cruelty.

This simply shows it really is time to go because he has finally stopped to the lowest, vilest level of stabbing at your wounds.

Get your important things together. Get a suitcase packed when he's not around. Then tell him it's over forever.

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I stopped reading after your mention of what he calls his daughters. Life is short. Stop wasting any further time.

I always think the way a father speaks to a mum and to daughters sets the tone for what they expect for themselves when they go out and start dating. Any man who called my daughters cunts would be finding himself a new place to live. He has zero respect for women and you'd all be better off without him.

Thank you all so much for your comments, it has really galvanised me to move forward and I have a call back booked with a divorce solicitor and estate agent to value the house.
ive been physically sick for the last 24hours because of him( which is why I was off thread) my daughters have both been out at festivals but know what’s happening and fully back me. I will not speak to him or even look him in the eye again. Everything you commented is what I’ve said and he makes me out to be wrong or that I’m the reason he’s like that.
he’s now resorted to calling me a feminist cunt because I am so strong in all other aspects of my life. Well he can watch me leave and know that was the last thing he said to me after giving him all of my adult life so far. Thank you @pinkbonbon for suggesting the freedom program me and and dd’s will certainly do that.
Thank you all again so much. I don’t have any proper friends but you’ve made me feel like I have loads xxx

Best wishes to you and your daughters for the future. Full respect for taking back your lives.💐

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds awful and very destructive. It's your choice to stay and let him treat you badly but if my husband ever called my daughters the C word he'd be gone. That's disgraceful.

Also, you shouldn't leave. Just Chuck him out. You deserve better as do your daughters x good luck, we're all rooting for you!

Thank you @Mylifeislikeaboatrace
unfortunately @Shoemadlady both girls are adults and I won’t be able to buy him out of the house as previously was told by a solicitor it would be a 50/50 split.
im ready to move and start afresh anyway.

he’s now resorted to calling me a feminist cunt

He's been rather happy to live off the double his salary income/contribution of, and have all his admin done in his business, by a "feminist cunt".

He really loves the word cunt, doesn't he.

My ex loved the word spinster. Spinster, spinster, spinster .... It was like being in a Charles Dickens novel. I don't think the registrar in any town would use the word spinster as much as he did.

Let him sit like the sad ass abusive, vitriolic, disgusting loser he is, spewing out the word cunt on repeat.

Calling his own daughters cunts .... Smh ... What a fucking animal.

My ex loved the word spinster. Spinster, spinster, spinster .... It was like being in a Charles Dickens novel. I don't think the registrar in any town would use the word spinster as much as he did. @TheoTheopolis23 that made me chuckle 🙂
Yes he loves the word cunt, I’ll get the girls to put it on his headstone 😂

I would tell him that is all he will ever be remembered by his children as, utter and complete scum who would used that word on his children.

Your poor daughters.