I am completely rubbish on commenting on these sorts of things. I really am. But I get these moments too, although so far not as bad. But it always strikes me as men are from mars, etc etc etc.
Men don't realise they are having a baby until they GET the baby. Women get 9 months of feeling like they already have one. It's almost a head start. NOT right, but often true.
They get bored in the delivery room, but YOU'VE had all the pain, and worry and then there's a baby. So far, not much work done.
You have to get up in the night "because after all, they've got to work and earn" right? Yep - all of us in the same boat there. Noone will take away our wages in our "work" but it still doesn't mean getting through the next day on little or no sleep isn't a form of torture (and indeed sleep deprevation is still used the world over as effective torture).
We then all have the "who'se more tired" battles. GOD I hate that one.
Then we deal with the trudgery and monotonty and boredom of daily chores, and the things that HAVE to get done or the next day is even more hassle. There's so much planning and preparation to do, and there's NO letup. Every day is the same. It makes for resentment, esp. if DH/P does not pull his weight in this area.
The problem is, that men also, do not vocalise their grumps and groans, and we do - so we come off (a la many a comedian's punch line) as the nagging, irritating wives they didn't marry.
And if you are anything like me, you can't say calmly "I think we need to try and sort out the routine so that when you are here, we can make short work of this parenting lark, so we can both feel calm" but instead go with the most ultra sarcastic line that comes to mind "Oh right - you just lie in bed then, and see the children when I come and present them in a victorian father fashion eh?"
So. I don't know what to suggest, other than I do often work on the principal that DH loves his children SO MUCH that I ask him to consider how he would like his life back, and just see the children on a once a month basis, and would that be cool then? And so far, he cannot possibly imagine a worse punishment and therefore, for a while at least, we manage to talk through what bothers us at the moment, and even if we cannot sort it - it's off our chests and not building up. (Starts with tears, screaming, anger, subsiding into more rational talking, and then sorry's all round. I am not good at it, but admit to being very caught up in the mother role, and meaning I do forget about him and his feelings too.)
Often, it's the "I work hard and yet it is expected of me and I hate my job" or "I am really worried about money" or sometimes the simply shallow, but still prevelant "I miss the person who I used to be who was free to do whatever I like, and the girlfriend/wife who used to worry about ME ME ME - I'm at the bottom of the pile now, whinge moan, it's not FAIR! (oh - and I haven't had sex in a while and my willy is giving me a hard time, so to speak").
Perhaps. Suggest that he does go for a month to calm down, sort his thoughts out, see how he likes not seeing the kids on a daily basis and come back to the negotiation table with an adult conversation to be had, because these things are like a cancer to marriages and no good can come of it. It's hard work not having him around? Perhaps you will find you can actually manage slightly better without the stress of his presence. I manage quite happily without mine for weeks on end, as he works away abroad on business. Having him at home can actually really spoil my routines!