Family court advice

[Bravi2021]

Hi all just want some advice or if anyone has been through similar.

I have finally in December left an abusive 5 year marriage with the most manipulative narcissist.
I currently have a non mol order in place which he is contesting. We have a 2 year old.

it’s going through family court as he threatens to take him all the time. He has two children with another women he has nothing to do with as he said he didn’t want them and told her that. But he wants contact with mine? It’s just to control me further I feel.

I applied for c100 DS is in my care and he has to see him via supervised contact in a centre. He has been on bail since December but continued to message throughout begging to see us and be with me I refused as he had 5 affairs took my son to a hotel with two different women. Had sec with one whilst my son there apparently my son was asleep (in my eyes so wrong) and had him In bed with another women. This is all in my statement. He has thrown keys at us and charged after us caught on cameras I had installed. Sent to court too.

everything I’m claiming he is in court he has flipped and said it’s me and applied for c100 himself claiming I’m mentally unstable etc. I’m not a run a business and have provided and cared for DS since he was born. He is making up so many lies will they see through him are they trained to spot narcs? He has been arrested twice for coercive control it’s so hard to convict the police said. He also chased me and my DS at speed trying to run us off road and ripped door handle off my car trying to take my son. Currently waiting on cps to make decision.

he has a criminal record and DV on his record from a previous.

do u guys have any knowledge or think he will be given 50/50 which he is asking he is 40 miles from us living with a friend no room for DS surely they can’t expect my DS to do a 80 mile round trip for school? My heads spinning with anxiety.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this @Bravi2021

I haven't been through anything like this but I can point you in the direction of a couple of places that might help.

Firstly ask @MNHQ to move this over to the Relationships Board. There are some very experienced and helpful MNers in there.

Then look at Right of Women. They have some useful guides on the family court, including how to apply for Legal Aid. They also have a free legal advice line.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid too?

Thank u so much I’m new on here so not sure how to request it be moved xx I’ll check out right of women xxx @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto

@SerenityNowInsanityLater he is currently on bail for coercive control and criminal damage to my car… police have told me coercive control is really really hard to get a conviction.. but he admitted in txts about my car saying I was lucky he didn’t flip it over with me in it :( so I’m pretty sure he will be charged with that defo. He also has previous DV with ex before me on record and violence drug possession etc in last 4 years on record do they take their record into consideration too?

I have a solicitor and barrister it’s so bloody expensive but can’t put a price on my sons safety. I’ve read so much on here and unfortunately it seems to be women being failed by the system.

he has had sex with women in hotel whilst my son is present even if asleep still wrong 😑 it’s just not ok. Also abuses me in front of him and I managed to get a video downloaded off cctv of him throwing a set of keys at me holding my DS And then charging at us. But will they even care from what I’ve read they seem to walk away with a lot of contact I’m dreading it. He’s doing it to punish and control me still he doesn’t really care at all about DS. He just can’t stand me standing up to him and finally calling him out on the abuse. The last lady he had affair with is actually going to be a witness for me in court as he slapped her and threatened to kill her 10 year old daughter too etc. so I’m hoping they realise this guy is a
maniac but I don’t hold much hope x just want his nightmare over the anxiety of family court is to much the not knowing etc. I look at my little boy and my heart breaks thinking his future is in their hands x

@SerenityNowInsanityLater I’ve documented alot and done a thorough statement now waiting on his sides reply as he is not accepting anything and blaming me typical narc. I have 3 witnesses to abuse. Also letters from my DS pre school and extra classes he does saying how well he is doing as I don’t want him being taken miles away to his dad as it’s going to mess with his routine & progress..also I’ve been on and off in therapy due to the abuse she is also writing to courts to say I’m fine as he is claiming I’m unstable. It’s crazy all because I didn’t want to see him or try again I’m now an unfit mother? I hope they see the game he is playing

I'm so sorry you're going through this. A true narcissist is a horrific experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
You're right that it's all about control for him. Typically these sorts of guys don't actually bother with the children outside of being Disney dad for a few hours if that.

Fairly standard practice for any abusive men to file a c100 citing your mental health and you being abusive blah blah
I’ve been there more than once and it got him nowhere.
it’s all part of their “script”

Just click on report at the bottom of your own post and put your request in the text box.

Thats no problem. I've requested the move for you.

Welcome to MN. I see you've had some excellent advice already. Like I said, I haven't got any experience so I'll just let you know I'm routing for you OP, you can do this

It is a script. Makes you wonder how they just know how to do this stuff.

Hi OP,

We've moved this over for you now.

We wish you all the best with everything.
MNHQ

@Whiskeypowers

did u have a good experience in family court I keep reading everyone’s bad experiences the men being believed etc the judges and caffcass not caring about the abuse. I have had the worst 5 years of my life I’ve been out of it 5 months now I feel I can breath again yes I have stress with court case but now I’m out I can see just how truely awful he really was to me. I’m far from mental I’m a good mum without me my DS wouldn’t have the clothes on his back food in his belly and constant love his dad doesn’t do a thing never even got his a Xmas present ever or paid any bills took my money just financially abused me. How he has the cheek to do thos
now in court is beyond me but it’s what narcs do I guess just praying the judges and caffcass see it for what it is xx

@Bravi2021 yes we did.

Fathers for justice or some other misogynistic shite
That and a fuck tonne of delusion / flying monkeys / next victim

So happy for you praying I do too xx

So happy for you praying I do too xx

I have no advice but just want to say all power to you. If I was a judge I wouldn't let him anywhere near you or your baby. So glad you've got a solicitor and a barrister too.

I’ve been through this and it’s hideous. My solicitor was well versed in narcs and between him and my barrister annihilated him and I got what I wanted as it was child centric. The key is to focus on the child and not get drawn into personal attacks. Keep your emotions in check and your eye on the prize.

My solicitor was bloody epic and worth his weight in gold x

Was yours similar situation? What contact was he given? Honestly breaks my heart so many of us have to go through this xx how we’re caffcass with you mine might be going to section 7 report? Xx glad urs worked out well hope they see him for who he really is I always worry he will manipulate the room xx

Thank u lovely xxx I lost my dad in jan I’m praying he up there doing all he can to protect me and my DS through this xxx

wish You all the best
@LaBaby72 is right keep it all about the children.

Thanks lovely,

the courts have requested police disclosure so it’s all on there, but from what I read on here they don’t seem to care they are violent abusive men… I’ve said I don’t want any over night stays at the moment. But don’t I have to be seen to not being say no contact as it gets frowned upon… it’s all so confusing.. I’m just praying caffcass will be on my side as judges listen to them mainly. It’s just such a horrible waiting game. I’m not perfect I have sent him some nasty txts within 5 years reactive abuse to all the things he has done to me I’m only human though and have said that in my statement. Honestly being in that relationship was horrific I’m so glad I finally had the energy and believed in myself to get out xx just so worried about my son and the life he will have if they give him access my ex’s views on women are they should obey and do as there told just don’t want him teaching my son it’s ok to disrespect women :(

Hey there.
I've been in and out of court probably 14 times!
What I've found is you need to be careful how you come across. It's none binary (neither one or the other) meaning both your parenting will be looked at . So regardless of how abusive he is you need to try and keep your behaviour in check. Everything you do must be in the best interests of your child. Consider every communication you have with him, could be examined by the judge.
The biggest problem I had was convincing the courts there was abuse. I had several different court cases and the last one was very different from the first 2. From the outset it was more than just a child arrangement order! I was alleging a lot of abuse had taken place.
However I had firm solid evidence to prove it, my children had a cafcass guardian (not a simple cafcass officer) which the majority of court cases have. I insisted that we had a fact finding hearing produced evidence through my barrister. He was given a no contact order.
In a horrible way you almost need to chance your mind set. I considered every abusive incident as evidence. It didn't take away the horribleness of it all but it allowed me to gain the evidence I needed, to keep my children safe.
I kept diaries, had CCTV, a dictator phone. Statements and evidence was given by his ex girlfriend and a friend of mine. Police records, drs etc etc.
When I was asked what contact I thought the children should have, I always said I just want it to be safe. So he saw them in a contact centre. But true to form he messed that up to.
I gave evidence for an hour and a half, I was terrified. I think it's also good to appear measured, it helps you look more credible.
Social services were also involved but tbh were very poor, they ordered a section 37 or it might have been a 47?? And of course a section 7.
It went on for a year , but the end result has been the right out come for my children. It's very sad that their father couldn't maintain any safe level of communication meaning they have no relationship with him. And of course not seeing their father in itself has a negative affect on the children but at this stage it's damage limitation.
Their happy and healthy kids.