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Original poster

Family court advice

26 replies

Bravi2021 · 25/05/2023 12:08

Hi all just want some advice or if anyone has been through similar.

I have finally in December left an abusive 5 year marriage with the most manipulative narcissist.
I currently have a non mol order in place which he is contesting. We have a 2 year old.

it’s going through family court as he threatens to take him all the time. He has two children with another women he has nothing to do with as he said he didn’t want them and told her that. But he wants contact with mine? It’s just to control me further I feel.

I applied for c100 DS is in my care and he has to see him via supervised contact in a centre. He has been on bail since December but continued to message throughout begging to see us and be with me I refused as he had 5 affairs took my son to a hotel with two different women. Had sec with one whilst my son there apparently my son was asleep (in my eyes so wrong) and had him In bed with another women. This is all in my statement. He has thrown keys at us and charged after us caught on cameras I had installed. Sent to court too.

everything I’m claiming he is in court he has flipped and said it’s me and applied for c100 himself claiming I’m mentally unstable etc. I’m not a run a business and have provided and cared for DS since he was born. He is making up so many lies will they see through him are they trained to spot narcs? He has been arrested twice for coercive control it’s so hard to convict the police said. He also chased me and my DS at speed trying to run us off road and ripped door handle off my car trying to take my son. Currently waiting on cps to make decision.

he has a criminal record and DV on his record from a previous.

do u guys have any knowledge or think he will be given 50/50 which he is asking he is 40 miles from us living with a friend no room for DS surely they can’t expect my DS to do a 80 mile round trip for school? My heads spinning with anxiety.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bravi2021 · 26/05/2023 19:36

TickingKey46 · 26/05/2023 11:16

Hey there.
I've been in and out of court probably 14 times!
What I've found is you need to be careful how you come across. It's none binary (neither one or the other) meaning both your parenting will be looked at . So regardless of how abusive he is you need to try and keep your behaviour in check. Everything you do must be in the best interests of your child. Consider every communication you have with him, could be examined by the judge.
The biggest problem I had was convincing the courts there was abuse. I had several different court cases and the last one was very different from the first 2. From the outset it was more than just a child arrangement order! I was alleging a lot of abuse had taken place.
However I had firm solid evidence to prove it, my children had a cafcass guardian (not a simple cafcass officer) which the majority of court cases have. I insisted that we had a fact finding hearing produced evidence through my barrister. He was given a no contact order.
In a horrible way you almost need to chance your mind set. I considered every abusive incident as evidence. It didn't take away the horribleness of it all but it allowed me to gain the evidence I needed, to keep my children safe.
I kept diaries, had CCTV, a dictator phone. Statements and evidence was given by his ex girlfriend and a friend of mine. Police records, drs etc etc.
When I was asked what contact I thought the children should have, I always said I just want it to be safe. So he saw them in a contact centre. But true to form he messed that up to.
I gave evidence for an hour and a half, I was terrified. I think it's also good to appear measured, it helps you look more credible.
Social services were also involved but tbh were very poor, they ordered a section 37 or it might have been a 47?? And of course a section 7.
It went on for a year , but the end result has been the right out come for my children. It's very sad that their father couldn't maintain any safe level of communication meaning they have no relationship with him. And of course not seeing their father in itself has a negative affect on the children but at this stage it's damage limitation.
Their happy and healthy kids.

God it’s mad how many women have to go through this! What is wrong with these abusive guys!! I’ve documented so much stuff over the years I also have the last women he had an affair with who was his gf for 16 months of marriage with me he was living a double life!! She is on my side and one of my witnesses as he abused her and threatened to kill her child!! he is something else… he won’t have any witnesses as he is a true narc hates people knowing the real him so puts on a facade in front of his side… so I’m praying with my witnesses and all my evidence they really do believe me as I’m speaking the truth he isn’t. Why do they always claim were the crazy ones!
my DS has his first visit to contact centre next week I’m dreading it but least he will be in a safe environment it’s all so stressful isn’t it this whole procedure xxx glad u and ur family are safe xx I’m back in court for non mol as he is contensting it next week he is honestly making my life hell even after I’ve left not accepting any blame xx

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