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Original poster

Is it to early for sex

38 replies

thebigOz · 24/05/2023 19:21

In my early 40's and been dating a guy, chatting we are just about to have our 3rd date and think sex may be on cards. But worried it's to early as all 3 of out dates have been over a space of a week

Is waiting to have sex and sex to early puts them off still a thing in your 40's

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 24/05/2023 19:23

I would say the opposite. Waiting to have sex if it's something you both want to do, is childish game playing most of us left behind in our twenties.

MissConductUS · 24/05/2023 19:24

I had sex with a bloke on our first date. We were both in our mid to late 30s at the time.

We've been happily married for 25 years, with two great kids. I don't think you should let a rule dictate what you do. If you fancy sex with him, have it.

Original poster
thebigOz · 24/05/2023 19:27

Thank you both I keep hearing you will get relegated to the FWB if you do this but in my mind if a guy actually likes you and wants to progress to a relationship then it shouldn't matter as a guy that will disappear after would regardless of when you sleep together

OP posts:
kokotheguerilla · 24/05/2023 19:28

thebigOz · 24/05/2023 19:27

Thank you both I keep hearing you will get relegated to the FWB if you do this but in my mind if a guy actually likes you and wants to progress to a relationship then it shouldn't matter as a guy that will disappear after would regardless of when you sleep together

I completely agree with this. Plus, better to find out earlier rather than later if he’s going to disappear/cool off after sex, before you get emotionally attached.

Creepyrosemary · 24/05/2023 19:29

Had sex with DH on the first date. Now together for 10 years.

Do what feels right. If a man wants to use you for sex, he will. Have sex when you want to, enjoy it and if he ghosts you afterwards then at least you had enjoyable sex (hopefully) and you know not to waste time on him anymore.

TheoTheopolis23 · 24/05/2023 19:40

I would say go with when you want to have sex and feel comfortable having sex.

No 3rd date rule, no waiting x amount of time rule.

Just whenever you want to.

User63847484848 · 24/05/2023 19:43

I think go with what you want and feel but maybe think whether you would be ok if you had a fab time and had sex and then it didn’t go anywhere after that. If you don’t think you’d cope with that then maybe wait.
I know for myself I get really emotionally attached (maybe hormones or something?) so want to be really comfortable with someone before dtd.

Pinkbonbon · 24/05/2023 19:47

Normally I'd say just whenever you feel like it, go fir it.

But having lots if really long or close together first dates can be a tactic used to rush intimacy. Or even if not deliberate, can make you feel closer than you actually are. I'd hold off a few more weeks. Maybe space out the dates a bit more too. There's no rush.

Blushingm · 24/05/2023 19:49

I had sex with DP the 1st day I met him. Was meant to be a 2 hour date but I ended up going home the following afternoon

Been over a year now and it's definitely not a FWB situation

Urgsleepmoresleep · 24/05/2023 19:55

It varies with me and when feels right. I normally wait 3 dates only as it takes me a few dates to suss out if I like them enough to see then naked. Granted I have slept with people on a first date, but that was more Lisa than wanting to see them again.

current DP took me 4 dates. Only as he kept suggesting first 3 dates as trips away.

it felt right when we did it as I felt comfortable. I was ready on second date. But he suggested a trip to the coast.

Nutterjacks · 24/05/2023 20:01

You're both adults, if the chemistry's there and it feels right, you'll know.
My DP and I had sex on the first date and we're still together 12 years down the line.

FinallyHere · 24/05/2023 20:01

User63847484848 · 24/05/2023 19:43

I think go with what you want and feel but maybe think whether you would be ok if you had a fab time and had sex and then it didn’t go anywhere after that. If you don’t think you’d cope with that then maybe wait.
I know for myself I get really emotionally attached (maybe hormones or something?) so want to be really comfortable with someone before dtd.

This

Spiderboy · 24/05/2023 20:03

No it’s not too early. Why waste more dates on a man you may have no sexual chemistry with or are incompatible with sexually? I mean, only if you’re comfortable of course

Newnamenewname109870 · 24/05/2023 20:04

It’s 100% about how comfortable you feel at the time. You don’t know how you might feel.

NatureNurture85 · 24/05/2023 20:07

I brought my husband home the first night I met him and we’re together 20 years on!

EmmsyS · 24/05/2023 20:16

The right time to have sex is when it feels right for both of you. Waiting for some arbitrary threshold is pointless. If theres a relationship there or if hes going to blow you off afterwards then it wont make a difference how long or early you do it. I had sex with my partner the first day we met. I have no regrets.

Oopsiedaisyy · 24/05/2023 20:16

No, do it if it feels right in the moment
I did, found out he was a definite keeper 😂

Emmamoo89 · 24/05/2023 20:24

I had sex with my now partner the first day in meeting him Blush

Been together 7 years this year 😊

PaintedEgg · 24/05/2023 20:52

i don't get the waiting thing - literally the worst thing that can happen is that it will be a really bad sex and you won't see him again after, that's all.

Nobsandnockers · 24/05/2023 20:58

2nd date here- married 20 years. Only thing I would say is don’t get too invested emotionally this early on.Dating so much over a short time means he is really into you, or a player.

CurlewKate · 24/05/2023 21:19

Well-it's 20 past 9 here and nearly dark- so go for it....

Assignedtoworryyourmother · 24/05/2023 21:23

I prefer to get in there quick (as it were) if I fancy them. Very disappointing to find out a bloke you fancy is crap in bed.

Isthisexpected · 24/05/2023 21:25

Well the research says sex is better in a relationship so I would definitely wait. It's very easy for him to have maintained interest for just a week to have sex. He could very easily be using you. If you're okay with that and want sex anyway, go for it.

Lovestinksyeahyeah · 24/05/2023 21:39

Regardless of how many dates I wouldn’t have sex with someone within a week of knowing them. Especially if met online.

I’d want to know them longer, make sure what they’ve said about themselves checks out, that what I’m seeing is the real them.

YRGAM · 24/05/2023 21:43

Isthisexpected · 24/05/2023 21:25

Well the research says sex is better in a relationship so I would definitely wait. It's very easy for him to have maintained interest for just a week to have sex. He could very easily be using you. If you're okay with that and want sex anyway, go for it.

I don't understand posts like this. Men like having nice sex with people they like, and if they have sex and enjoy it, in most cases they're going to want to do it again as soon as they can, and that means continuing to see you. The idea that men, en masse, actively try to have sex and then disappear is a total myth

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