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Original poster

Husband paid for sex

45 replies

mmeigh · 23/05/2023 09:21

my husband told me when he was 17 he paid for sex his exact words about it was to lose his virginity "the girl didn't even like me we only got together because I gave her money to spend" I don't know how I feel about it he says he regrets it and never did it again after that. What should I do?

OP posts:
PaintedEgg · 23/05/2023 09:28

how old is he now?

Original poster
mmeigh · 23/05/2023 09:29

27 years old

OP posts:
Beautyhoard · 23/05/2023 09:29

Did he pay for sex or does he now realise that they were using each other?

ToBeOrNotToBee · 23/05/2023 09:30

It doesn't sound like a sex worker, more like a teenage fling where one was using the other for material things.

Not entirely sure why this should even be a problem for you.

AuntieJune · 23/05/2023 09:30

What's his attitude to this? Was he a bit ashamed of it, or boasting, or what?

I think having a fairly unenthusiastic relationship with another teenager when you're a teenager, and splashing cash around impresses the other teenager and is perceived to be what swings the deal - that's different to actually going out and paying for sex with a sex worker

Specso · 23/05/2023 09:31

I wouldn’t do anything.

Lots of people have done all kinds of crap by the time they get married, a lot of which they’re not proud of but it’s in the past. He was 17.

TravelDazzle · 23/05/2023 09:35

It doesn't sound like he paid for a sex worker? I wouldn't do anything. He regrets it and has never done it again. We all make decisions we regret when teenagers.

Original poster
mmeigh · 23/05/2023 09:39

he said to me even though it wasn't a sex worker he still paid for sex and feels bad about it. But he said they only had sex after he gave her money to spend as a "Reward" so to him he feels like he paid for sex

OP posts:
Thoughtful2355 · 23/05/2023 09:40

he was young, she used him for money, he used her for sex.. they both didnt actually like eachother. Would make me a little icky BUT he was young and a virgin not like he went around finding prostitutes to have sex with and he regrets it now which is good. As long as he knows WHY its wrong to pay for sex.

Fiddlerdragon · 23/05/2023 09:41

What do you mean what should you do? It was ten years ago, he was 17 and it’s not happened again since.

Original poster
mmeigh · 23/05/2023 09:41

he said even though it wasn't a sex worker he still gave her money in exchange for sex so he sees it as the same thing

OP posts:
Cas112 · 23/05/2023 09:42

He was 17, I would personally just get over it

Original poster
mmeigh · 23/05/2023 09:46

He said himself he believes he did pay for sex because he barely knew her she asked him for money to spend and said he would get a "reward" and he gave it to her

OP posts:
Original poster
mmeigh · 23/05/2023 09:48

He was a teenager but she was a lot older he said that he only met her once and when he did she asked him for money to spend and said she would "reward" him if he gave it to her

OP posts:
Tohaveandtohold · 23/05/2023 09:50

She used him for money and he used her for sex, they are one and the same. He didn’t force her or anything.
He was 17, that’s 10 years ago, what do you mean by what should you do? Like what do you want to do?

mrsbitaly · 23/05/2023 09:51

Honestly just let it go, it was so long ago is this impacting your relationship? We've all done things we regret he was young and silly and regrets it.

DRS1970 · 23/05/2023 09:53

You can't really hold our adult selves responsible for something we did when we were immature and children. I know this example is extreme, but at least it was legal, and consensual. I would take note, say wow, and move on. It is only really an issue if he is still paying someone for sex right?

SunflowerLovers · 23/05/2023 09:54

He is a victim of a predatory older woman.

She basically exploited him for money and and prostituted her body. He has nothing to feel bad about.

If he is having a hard time he could seek counselling. Older women exploting teenagers for their sexual and financial gain is much more common than society speaks about and a professional will be able to support him.

user1492757084 · 23/05/2023 09:54

The fact that she was a lot older makes it a bit unequal, though your husband was obliging.
How does he feel? Is he over it? Many teenagers have opportunistic sex, (or drunk, or unprotected or whatever)
I think, and often regret it.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 23/05/2023 09:55

I think it's healthy that he's conflicted about this, if he was 'oh yeah, paid for my first time so what lolz' then I'd be horrified, but the point is he knows this was a bad situation. So now he has to forgive himself and move on.

And from your last couple of updates, I'm pretty sure he was a victim in this. Support him, encourage him to seek counselling if he really can't move forward, but he sounds like a good person in a bad situation.

Fiddlerdragon · 23/05/2023 09:57

SunflowerLovers · 23/05/2023 09:54

He is a victim of a predatory older woman.

She basically exploited him for money and and prostituted her body. He has nothing to feel bad about.

If he is having a hard time he could seek counselling. Older women exploting teenagers for their sexual and financial gain is much more common than society speaks about and a professional will be able to support him.

This. With the latest update it would seem like he is an actual victim in this. I thought he was with another 17yo girl and they were just being silly and immature like most 17yo’s. This woman preyed upon what was technically still a child, legal or not. No wonder he still feels weird about this.

Original poster
mmeigh · 23/05/2023 09:58

He said he was ashamed but he never wants to hide anything so as soon as I asked he told me

OP posts:
BusterGonad · 23/05/2023 09:58

You are making an issue of of a non issue. Just get over it.

Hadjab · 23/05/2023 09:59

You keep repeating yourself. We get it, he 'paid' for sex. Now what exactly do you want from this thread? What is it you feel you should be doing about it? What do you want him to do about it?

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 23/05/2023 10:00

He was just a kid!!

Let it go seriously