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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband paid for sex

45 replies

mmeigh · 23/05/2023 09:21

my husband told me when he was 17 he paid for sex his exact words about it was to lose his virginity "the girl didn't even like me we only got together because I gave her money to spend" I don't know how I feel about it he says he regrets it and never did it again after that. What should I do?

OP posts:

dikwad · 23/05/2023 10:00

To me it doesn't sound like he paid for sex at all. It sounds like he was in a little agreement with an older woman for her to get some spending money and him to get his end away. I wouldn't give it anymore thought.

Sugargliderwombat · 23/05/2023 10:06

He was a kid who had a girlfriend that used him for money. It's not that big a deal.

pinkdelight · 23/05/2023 10:07

he said to me even though it wasn't a sex worker he still paid for sex and feels bad about it. But he said they only had sex after he gave her money to spend as a "Reward" so to him he feels like he paid for sex

Sounds like inventing drama for the sake of it. I'd do nothing about it and get on with having a more interesting life together.

allthewoes · 23/05/2023 10:11

Sounds like something and nothing to me. I wouldn't be losing any sleep over it. Lots of teenagers do things they regret!

Barold · 23/05/2023 10:32

You don't need to do anything. It's a non-issue and way in the past.

DumboLives · 23/05/2023 10:39

He was 17 - let it go!! We are allowed to make mistakes & stupid decisions when you are that age. It sounds consensual (just not a romantic arrangement) and that is what matters.

Dagnabit · 23/05/2023 10:40

Don’t need to do anything. He was young and stupid and it doesn’t sound like he coerced her. If it bothers you then end the relationship but personally, I wouldn’t be bothered.

rowanoak · 23/05/2023 10:47

I wouldn't care at all, seriously, who cares? He was 17. It was ages ago and lots of men have paid for a woman's company in hopes of sex. It makes him one of many. Big deal.

AnnWithoutAnnie · 23/05/2023 10:47

I wouldn't be blaming HIM for that 'deal/exchange' SHE wanted money & enticed him into giving him money in return for 'a treat' Depending on how old she was (18-25 meh) older than that it very very grim and as the 'adult' she shouldn't have done it.

HE really shouldn't feel bad about it, he was a kid and SHE instigated it!

if he can't get his head around that, he should speak to a counsellor.

BrimFullOfAsher · 23/05/2023 10:55

I'm confused. What do you mean 'What should you do', why would you do anything?🤷‍♂️

porridgeisbae · 23/05/2023 10:56

I wouldn't say he was a victim of a predatory woman, because he was old enough to consent.

Unless he has some other vulnerabilities she exploited.

Don't get me wrong, I know it's not always as cut and dried as that. But presumably he did want sex with her.

porridgeisbae · 23/05/2023 10:57

I don't see the distinction others are making between him paying for sex and... him paying for sex.

SallyWD · 23/05/2023 11:04

I'd get over it. Teenagers often to stupid things. I wouldn't luje to be judges for how I behaved at 17. Sounds like they both used each other and he's feeling bad about it.

andymary · 23/05/2023 11:16

Seems like a really weird thread. Posted the same thing as a reply 5 times🤔

You're talking about something that happened before you were married, possibly even before you even met, and before he was officially and adult. From the way you're making it sound, he's genuinely upset about it.

Original poster

mmeigh · 23/05/2023 11:25

tbh I was just stuck and didn't know how to respond to it. Didn't know if I should just leave it in the air or enquire more about it. I asked him if she knew if he was 17 he said he told her he was 18 im not sure if that makes any difference but I appreciate the different perspectives I will just leave this in the past

OP posts:

CallieQ · 23/05/2023 11:38

mmeigh · 23/05/2023 09:21

Nothing... doesn't really matter

YummyBelicious · 23/05/2023 11:54

Why are you even asking this question? What happened before your relationship is in the past. Don't ask things you don't want the answers too

Mulhollandmagoo · 23/05/2023 11:59

Your husband was exploited by an older woman, the fact he feels shame about it is very sad, it shows it has impacted his life. he should possibly try and access some therapy to help him talk through his feelings about it.

CannotDoThisAnymore · 23/05/2023 12:11

Let it go

PaintedEgg · 23/05/2023 13:07

to me it sounds like its a slow week in your household and you're both looking for something to stir

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