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OLD - Not interested is he?

56 replies

AquaSky · 22/05/2023 22:30

So I matched with a guy on OLD app a week or so ago. Got talking and he suggested meeting, so we arranged a coffee and met last Friday.

It was great! Conversation flowed, lots to talk about. He stayed an hour longer than he planned to. He said at the end of the date he'd text me later, and he did. He said he had a great time and that he hoped I'd had a nice evening.

So the thing is, its now Monday and there have been a few back and forth texts (via the app) but he hasn't suggested going on another date. Despite the fact I go away next week and he knows what days I have off up until then. He's been asking questions and even asked what I had planned on my next day off. I told him what I was doing of the morning (suggesting I was free the rest of that day), but then he carried the conversation on to something else - this would have been the perfect time surely to ask if i'd like to meet later on the day? At the very least i'd have expected a message to suggest meeting either before or after my trip next week.

I think I know the answer really but I did wonder if he doesn't want to come across too full on, as we got talking about our app experiences and I told him I find it offputting when some men get really invested too soon. I did mean, pre first date. But maybe he thinks I meant in general?

He is confident enough to ask me out on the first date, seems level headed (he is late thirties and me mid) so you'd think if he was really interested he would have asked? But have I put him off?

I'm also still texting him via the app despite the fact he sent his number before the first date, I told him I prefer not to swap numbers until I know its going somewhere.

Don't know if its me or him.

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/07/2023 16:16

OIDespair · 23/05/2023 08:31

Sorry to say this OP but I suspect at this point he likes you only enough to keep you as an open option while he ticks along other chats too and sees how they go. That, on OLD, is quite common especially when the chats are still on the app. (At this early stage I hope you're doing the same tbh).

Ask him about meeting up again - but if you don't get a straight 'yes' right away - kick him to the kerb and move on. Perhaps this isn't him but there are plenty out there whose egos aren't massaged enough unless they're keeping a number of matches on the go interminably.

I agree with this. He maybe likes you enough to keep you on the 'back burner'. I would ask him out, and if you get a lot of excuses, wish him well and move on. Don't keep chatting!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 07/07/2023 16:21

Gah, didn't see the date/second page when I posted. Honestly just block and move on OP Flowers

ForTheSakeOfThePenguin · 08/07/2023 07:42

AquaSky · 25/05/2023 18:01

Yes, I agree, its just so disheartening being the rejected.

What's even more weird, is that after I responded to his message in a breezy manner, he hasn't even bothered to unmatch me on the app. I find that really strange. If i've been on dates and realise they are not for me, I generally unmatch the person not leave them on my list.

Honestly… are you ready to be in OLD? This guy has managed things in a very decent way, took the time to explain and not simply ghost you but you are finding ways to hurt yourself.

So what if he doesn’t find you attractive? It is quite normal to go on a date and not feel attracted, in fact, the likelihood that you both like each other is only about 25% just in mathematical terms.

Last time in OLD I dated 24 people, all of them but three of those were genuinely nice people, there were only two we found each other mutually attractive. One of them had a similar background and expectations as mine and we are still together.

It is normal to feel rejected when someone is not interested in seeing you again but you need to grow a rhino skin or stop dating until you feel great and fabulous otherwise being in OLD would be a self destructing exercise.

Onelifeonly · 08/07/2023 08:07

You're probably reading far more into this than is there. You met once and had a good time. I've had similar with female acquaintances met on holiday or at a friend's house - obviously I'm not looking to date them, but I also don't usually get in touch with them again despite the connection because there's not much there to go off.

However, he did get in touch again so he was interested to an extent. Possibly he has one or two other women he is in a similar position with. Perhaps one he likes better than you, though after one meeting, he can't be sure.

Then you don't suggest anything further and maybe one of the others does. Perhaps he's put out by your apparent lack of enthusiasm or the fact you don't use his number which he has given you? Perhaps this other woman is keener and lives nearer?

Whatever. It's not personal and you certainly can't assume he didn't find you attractive. Given men are visual beings, would he be likely to keep messaging if he didn't find you attractive?

Next time, if you like someone, push for a second date. If rejected, at least you know where you stand. In this case it all sounds very uncertain as you don't have a definitive answer, unless you believe his reason? 50 miles twice in a day / evening might be quite a lot for some people. Perhaps he hates driving.

guineacup · 09/07/2023 07:00

Birdeegirl · 07/07/2023 14:53

Whatever type of man it is whoever he is you never ask men out or text first. I've never done it... why? Because how do you ever know they're interested in you or like you if you do all the chasing planning... you'll be doing it forever more. Then I read the "He never takes me out" posts. Yeah. That's because you made all the first moves in the begging. And men hate to be chased. The only ones who like it are the ones you need to keep away from
Make him, chase you.

You could equally turn this on its head and say how does he know you like him if you make him do all the chasing/arranging? As a man, if a woman was always passive when it came contact/arranging, I'd assume she wasn't interested, either that or was lazy or had a skewed perspective on relationships dynamics.

If a woman contacts a man, she'll know he's interested if he responds positively... If he's not interested, he won't bother.

acpk55 · 09/07/2023 08:43

Birdeegirl · 07/07/2023 14:53

Whatever type of man it is whoever he is you never ask men out or text first. I've never done it... why? Because how do you ever know they're interested in you or like you if you do all the chasing planning... you'll be doing it forever more. Then I read the "He never takes me out" posts. Yeah. That's because you made all the first moves in the begging. And men hate to be chased. The only ones who like it are the ones you need to keep away from
Make him, chase you.

this is really really terrible advice from the 1950’s , you are giving of the I'm the prize vibe, not the we are equal vibe, most men hate the chase, the men that like chasing women are the ones you really really to avoid as they really like chasing women , they will shag you and go and then go and chase another woman

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