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Original poster

Who the f does he think he is, Mr Big or something?

38 replies

Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 13:41

I don’t even know what to title this thread, was mooting between ‘ the one who got away’ or ‘who the f does he think he is, mr Big?’ Or just ‘ this is so fucked up’

this post isn’t necessarily straight about this particular series of events that has happened to me but it’s got me wondering about this specific kind of man, that sort of mr big guy and what the f do they actually think they’re playing at.

so backstory, will keep it short. I’ve been married for nearly 10 years. 2.5 dcs (one is cooking haha)

i was late to the dating scene, arrived early 20s with online dating. Met one guy, had chemistry, seemed nice, messages got from flirty banter to not respecting boundaries and aggressively sexual. Declined further meet ups. Carried on. Few months later he’d message me again, in bored state sometimes would message back. Mostly saying not really dtf. Bumped into each other (drunk) at a club think danced maybe kissed (drunk and 10 + years ago so can’t recall). Messages after that. Then met hubs to be, no more messages. He’d message and I’d say with someone/ married etc not interested ( He’d insist to be friends, I stopped replying last messages 5+ years ago. Then last year DM passed away, he read obit and reached out with a sorry, I replied in saying thanks not really thinking. That was that… or so I thought. Then messages again saying first that he got married and had a kid, then bam how I was the one who got away and how amazing etc I am (eyeroll) and how he desperately misses me and how he’s jealous my husband ‘took me from him’.

He’s been blocked so it’s not a question of advice or anything. But honestly this sort of man. If we met 3/4 times that would be it, tops. I cannot fathom what is going through this sort of blokes head. We should’ve got married, im the one who got away… we met a handful of times and you creeped me out and it was 10 years ago. I actually think I’m quite offended at even the idea of messaging me. I can only assume he was trying to start an affair?

if you’ve kept up with my rambling, well done. But I needed to get this out of my head. It just reminds me of Big in sex and the city, who married someone and then decided to try come back and seemingly actively try to wreck Carrie’s life and sabotage her relationship. (I know Carrie was a tool as well, but for the purposes of this comparison)

OP posts:
Littleworkaholic · 22/05/2023 13:43

Don’t stress it, he’s prob saying the same shit to everyone he ever snogged. Hence why it makes no sense.

Original poster
Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 13:48

Littleworkaholic · 22/05/2023 13:43

Don’t stress it, he’s prob saying the same shit to everyone he ever snogged. Hence why it makes no sense.

It’s not quite stressing it but it’s the whole rewriting of history to make something that honestly was rather insignificant or actually irritating in the sense of the constant messaging back then more than it was… plus I’m actually offended that he believed it was viable to start and affair with me, like I’m the sort of person that would say ‘oh goody, been waiting for this’ or be so stupid to think ‘oh he’d leave his wife for me’ and destroy my whole family for him (a man a met a handful of times)

the profession of love when he married someone else less than a year ago… it’s just classic Mr Big asshat-ery

OP posts:
callmeblondee · 22/05/2023 13:54

A lot of man have such audacity. I got a message recently from a guy I used to work with in Europe in my early 20s - we were mates. He is married and he can see I have a partner too - we are FB friends, he is always sending me PMs a bit nostalgic etc and I often ignore them. Recently he sent this big message about how I was the one that got away...I mean the audacity to think he even had a chance with me, we worked together for a few months. All the whiles he is posting pics of his happy life and gorgeous wife and just how amazing she is......
I just blocked him. Who needs that shit!!

callmeblondee · 22/05/2023 13:56

And I also dont buy the whole one that got away. Nah, you choose your life, nothing mystical or romantic about looking back and thinking what could have been, I mean we could all do that couldnt we, but the fact is we chose our lives.

billy1966 · 22/05/2023 13:59

They are utter creeps.

Pity the women who are foolish enough to marry them.

They are vain losers and anyone who knocked them back remains in their eyeline to revisit.

Slimy losers.

Original poster
Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 14:03

callmeblondee · 22/05/2023 13:56

And I also dont buy the whole one that got away. Nah, you choose your life, nothing mystical or romantic about looking back and thinking what could have been, I mean we could all do that couldnt we, but the fact is we chose our lives.

Yes this is exactly the point, it wasn’t some mysterious set of circumstances that rendered two young lovers to be passing ships In the night… he was incredibly sexually aggressive in your messages, and ignored my boundaries so that was that.

maybe he ‘wasn’t ready then’ and now a decade later has come to the realisation ‘you don’t know what it’s got til it’s gone’ but honestly who fucking cares… you weren’t that fussed when you married someone else and had kids with them mate (not sure which one came first, I think the latter) so save this shit for satc reruns. Pathetic!

OP posts:
SimplyFed · 22/05/2023 14:27

Id be super annoyed about him saying that your husband took you away from him as if it wasn't for your husband you'd be happily in love ever after together. I'm assuming husband or not you wouldn't have wanted much to do with him anyway.

Uggh...

tailinthejam · 22/05/2023 14:32

Your husband took you away from him? As if you are some kind of possession that's been snatched out of his grasp. Ugh.

Wishimaywishimight · 22/05/2023 14:33

I can almost guarantee he's not giving this 1% of the headspace you are. He probably trots the same lines out to everyone he's ever had any remotely romantic contact with - every now and then someone will bite / fall for it and give him the attention and/or sex he is looking for.

I very much doubt it's about you. It's just about anyone really (from his point of view). Don't waste your time being offended, he's really not worth it.

Original poster
Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 14:39

Wishimaywishimight · 22/05/2023 14:33

I can almost guarantee he's not giving this 1% of the headspace you are. He probably trots the same lines out to everyone he's ever had any remotely romantic contact with - every now and then someone will bite / fall for it and give him the attention and/or sex he is looking for.

I very much doubt it's about you. It's just about anyone really (from his point of view). Don't waste your time being offended, he's really not worth it.

You are probably right, it’s more likely boredom than anything else and every so often it works. This time it’s just come over several mediums, LinkedIn, Facebook, WhatsApp, text and email. Seems a bit like lovebombing

OP posts:
Original poster
Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 14:44

SimplyFed · 22/05/2023 14:27

Id be super annoyed about him saying that your husband took you away from him as if it wasn't for your husband you'd be happily in love ever after together. I'm assuming husband or not you wouldn't have wanted much to do with him anyway.

Uggh...

He even asked me (as part of several ignored messages) how good dhs penis was as he didn’t understand why we were together… so much ugh and ick and creep

OP posts:
LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 22/05/2023 15:15

Serial shaggers a friend used to call them, always on the look out for a potential shag. Not capable of monogamy. I wouldn't take it personally, there is a good chance you are one of many potentials he is trying to get it on with. The poor wife.

Ellie56 · 22/05/2023 15:25

Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 14:44

He even asked me (as part of several ignored messages) how good dhs penis was as he didn’t understand why we were together… so much ugh and ick and creep

Show quote history

Yuk that's gross. He sounds revolting. Hope you've blocked him everywhere.

Original poster
Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 16:23

Ellie56 · 22/05/2023 15:25

Yuk that's gross. He sounds revolting. Hope you've blocked him everywhere.

Show quote history

I have, I can’t think of any more channels left to block.. trouble is/was whenever one got blocked another sprung up… even wistful messages about swinging by my old apartment in the hopes to meet me

OP posts:
Shivvy120 · 22/05/2023 16:31

Have had the same experience. Met a man, we’d msg a bit. Kissed a few times etc, would chat sometimes everyday but only 2/3 msg, sometimes a phonecall for a half hour to check in and chat. Fast forward I get married and all of a sudden he should have stopped the wedding… he loves me… wishes things were diff. Bearing in mind HE himself was engaged when these msgs were on the go. I mean, I genuinely think they just want sex on the side. These men are actually waiting for a woman who’s unhappy in her marriage so they can pounce that’s my take on it. do they think saying these things makes us want to jump into bed with them? Laughable.

Original poster
Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 16:49

Shivvy120 · 22/05/2023 16:31

Have had the same experience. Met a man, we’d msg a bit. Kissed a few times etc, would chat sometimes everyday but only 2/3 msg, sometimes a phonecall for a half hour to check in and chat. Fast forward I get married and all of a sudden he should have stopped the wedding… he loves me… wishes things were diff. Bearing in mind HE himself was engaged when these msgs were on the go. I mean, I genuinely think they just want sex on the side. These men are actually waiting for a woman who’s unhappy in her marriage so they can pounce that’s my take on it. do they think saying these things makes us want to jump into bed with them? Laughable.

This is it isn’t it, do they think that we think they are the ones that got away so the mere suggestion that we could once be together again would make us leave our marriage or start some sort of sordid affair?
Vile

OP posts:
Lookingoutside · 22/05/2023 17:03

I still can’t believe they portrayed Carrie as bloody marrying Big! Marrying him!!!

After he treated her like an option, married someone else, jilted her and then finally settled for her. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Movinghouseatlast · 22/05/2023 17:11

It's a numbers game for men like this. They just hope someone will bite.

callmeblondee · 22/05/2023 17:14

Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 16:23

I have, I can’t think of any more channels left to block.. trouble is/was whenever one got blocked another sprung up… even wistful messages about swinging by my old apartment in the hopes to meet me

Show quote history

I think if he bothers you again just say you have screenshot everything and you will send it to his wfe...

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 22/05/2023 17:15

Easily the best thread title I've seen in Relationships. Good luck with the baby, and like the others have said try not to give this chancer any headspace.

callmeblondee · 22/05/2023 17:16

Lookingoutside · 22/05/2023 17:03

I still can’t believe they portrayed Carrie as bloody marrying Big! Marrying him!!!

After he treated her like an option, married someone else, jilted her and then finally settled for her. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

The entire SATC premise is so based on being validated by men. Thank god things have changed since then! :)

80s · 22/05/2023 17:25

I cannot fathom what is going through this sort of blokes head.
"Ooh, there's that bird I once nearly shagged. Maybe I can shag her now."

Original poster
Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 17:37

80s · 22/05/2023 17:25

I cannot fathom what is going through this sort of blokes head.
"Ooh, there's that bird I once nearly shagged. Maybe I can shag her now."

And they say romance is dead 😂😂😂

what a lucky ducky I am 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Bewilderedbothredbemused · 22/05/2023 17:41

callmeblondee · 22/05/2023 17:14

I think if he bothers you again just say you have screenshot everything and you will send it to his wfe...

Show quote history

I don’t think I could… poor woman. Not only do I have no idea who she is, but she’s got kids and no family according to him. Dh thinks she’s fictional, created to lull into a false sense of security.

OP posts:
MsCactus · 22/05/2023 17:44

As I got older, it really opened my eyes how many married men try it on...