Just want some honesty even if I am to blame. Thanking everyone in advance.
My husband is aware of this post and actually advised me to post it to get the opinion from others.
I have been with my husband for almost 20 years and we have two children together. A 2 year old and a 3 1/2 month old.
We had our hiccups like most couples but we had a huge one, which resulted in my husband not being invited to family events.
About 1 year and a half ago I was out with my in-laws and I felt my mother in law was rude to me. She interrupted a conversation Inwas having with my brother in law, to inform me that when my husband had been younger he had the opportunity to date a slim good looking Bulgarian girl. I personally didn’t see why she meantioned that when my brother in law and I, had been talking about soaps he liked. But I responded with, “Whatever relationships my husband had before we were married, is perfectly fine as we weren’t together then.“
A week or so after that our eldest was crying and; my husband told him,”What’s the matter. Do you want a new Mummy?” I told my husband that I didn’t think it was a funny joke and asked him not to say it again. We go out for a family meal with my in laws and he says this joke to our son,”Do you want a new Mummy?” In front of his mother at a restaurant. I was really upset. At home I told my husband that I had asked him not to say that joke again but he had said it anyway, which really upset me. He apologised and I spoke to my Mum about it and it upset her that he would behave like that.
Afterwards one of my cousin’s contacted me and invited me to a VIP event at Downing Street her workplace, she told me she was aware that I didn’t go out anywhere and really wanted me to go. I was so excited that I agreed. My Mum was in the car with me heard and made arrangements with my step Dad to go. Meaning that there weren’t enough tickets for my husband to come. Still as my step father said he didn’t want to go as he wasn’t asked, I waited to see if that ticket would be available soon. I also tried to buy another ticket. As it was a VIP event the tickets were limited and my cousin’s fiancé gave up his ticket. So that someone else from mu side of the family could go. I waited to see if a ticket would be available for my husband but; none came available. I also asked him on 3 separate occasions if he did mind, if me and our child (our 2nd wasn’t born then) if we could go. He said we could and then at the last minute he changed his mind.
As it was a Downing Street évent we had to have background checks, they even knew that I was bringing a baby and made accommodations. But my husband did not want me to go and seeing that I had made up my mind to go as arrangements had been made and he had told me on 3 separate occasions that I could go. He then told me,“You can’t go if there is a bomb scare can you?“ He also threatened to speak to my Uncle’s wife about my Aunty being a bi**h (cousin’s mother) as he felt that my Cousin’s mother, was responsible for him not getting a ticket. Even though the VIP tickets were so limited that even my Grandmother was going.
My husband tells me now that he had no intention of going through with the threat but he was just angry and thinking of anything he could to stop me and our child from going. In my mind I visualised security guards tackling me to the ground because they thought I had a bomb and our child being frightened and, the trouble which would be caused if my husband began speaking badly to other members about my Aunty. So I told my mother that I couldn’t go. I explained why thinking nothing of it as we are close and my mother has told me personal things about my father in law which I have shared with no one. She was appalled at what my husband had done. When my cousin’s mother found out, she wanted to inform the Police but I talked her out of it. My cousin also wanted to speak to my husband in person over the phone but I didn’t want any arguments to occur. After that my cousin and Aunty became really concerned about my lifestyle and how my husband might be treating me.
Since then we have not had a Christmas with my Grandmother and the rest of the family as my husband has not been invited. My Grandmother wanted my husband to come but my mother didn’t. So we didn’t go. We have all been invited to my Grandmother’s birthday do last year.
While pregnant with my second I had painful swollen ankles, was sick throughout my whole pregnancy but still did all of my housework duties. Like cook, put the bins out. Do my husband’s lunch, ironing e.t.c My husband felt I was being distant with him so he began insinuating he was having an affair with a collègue at work and comparing my second pregnancy to other women at work. Saying that being pregnant wasn’t an illness and I could do more things. During this time my husband told me I was,”Slow” accused me of being a “gold digger” and using him just to have children. When I had been working full time I used to give him £600 a month. So his words were quite hurtful. I had even asked him before we had children if we could afford it on is wage and he said we could. My blood pressure went sky high and I ended up giving birth a little over a week early.
I wasn’t sure if I was the issue so asked my husband if he wanted a divorce he said he didn’t. I knew he had had some issues at a LARP évent he attended and thought it would be nice if we went together with my nephew who is 8. But when I contacted them they informed me that due to my husband’s behaviour they would never invite him to any of their events again. This is a family event with people attending from all around the world and my husband never told me. So I was really shocked but they assured me that my husband was aware of the pernament ban.
Because of my husbands temper I packed my things, took our children and went to my Grandmother’s for some respite. My husband apologised for his behaviour and promised to go to anger managment. So after about 4 days at my Grandmother’s we all came back.
Some time after we were home one of my brother in laws came to the house trying to come in while it was just me and the children in the house. My husband was out. He called my husband a n*gger lover and, threatened to kill him. I never phoned the police because my mother in law had prevented me from doing so in the past and told me he suffered from
bipolar. I had to phone my husband to
come home and, I phoned her to remove my brother in law from the door. I was so frightened that I shaking and hid with my baby in the kitchen while, my toddler slept upstairs.
My mother in law appeared pleasant in front of the ring cameras at the front door but when she was in the house she cursed me out. Told me that I should never of come back, that it was a dirty trick what I played on my husband. I was holding my baby and shaking as she was talking to me like this. (I had allowed my husband to sit in one of my private appointments with my midwife and he reported everything to his Mum.)
My husband wanted me to see my mother one Thursday a week and the rest of the family one Saturday a month. To focus on our family. The midwives were concerned about my rising blood pressure and I briefly informed them that, I only saw my mother once a week and the rest of the family once a month. The rest of my friends live outside the city or have moved to other countries so really my family is my only support system. The midwives were concerned about me getting post natal depression due to how close my children are in ahe and informed me that my husband’s relationship with my mother was not their concern. My health and that of my children was. They couldn’t understand why I would only see my mother once a week and asked if I could see her more than once a week. If I wanted to. I did go out once with my Mum not on my usual day to see a plant exhibition and poetry performance. My husband was so upset that he never came home that night.
Anyway, my mother in law left me in tears and in front of my husband behaved caring. A day or so later when the police were informed of the incident with my brother in law, they stated that I should have called them as my brother in law had been threatening. And told my husband that regardless of what him and my mother in law thought, I should be allowed to do so. And they also took the video footage of my brother in law trying to come into the house kicking the door e.t.c
Sorry this is so long.
Since all of this has happened I recently discovered that there are 2 family events I am not invited to, as my family know that my husband will be present and they don’t want him there.
I also made him aware that I know about the ban at his LARP game and have been told by some of his ex friends, why they ended their friendship with him. One says that they said it’s his temper and how he treats others, one says it’s his temper and how he ruined his game.
There was also a staff member who made a formal complaint about him saying he was aggressive and threatening.
I apologised to my husband for everything that has happened. Am I in the wrong here? If I didn’t say anything to my Mum, my family would still get on with my husband.