What should I do? Divorce

[Flowerstone]

Does anyone have any advice?
I am a mother of 3 with a part time job. My husband and I have decided to divorce.
However, I’m a bit stumped with where to go once our house has sold.
I will have roughly £60k in cash from equity following the house sale which means I won’t qualify for social housing.
However, I won’t be able to buy a house with my salary or pass an affordability check due to having 3 kids.
I also won’t be able to claim university credit as I will have over £16k in savings.
I will receive child maintenance from my ex however this still won’t be substantial to raise 3 kids.
My only option is to rent but this will eat into my savings and make it impossible to eventually buy my own home.
Can anyone think of alternatives??

You can use the money towards a new home without being accused of deprivation of capital & then claim Universal Credit. Maintenance paid towards your
dc doesn't afford your entitlement. Could you look at prices for ex council houses? You can push for a bigger share of your home if you agree to not taking a bigger share of his pension, you need an independent valuation of his pension.

I work in pensions OP. You’re entitled to half of it. Well half that’s accrued since you married, most likely. Don’t give up on his pension, it’s really valuable. Get yourself some good legal advice.

Make sure you get a decent solicitor. Pay a bit more if you need to. My first solicitor was awful but my second one was brilliant.

My divorce cost about £9000 . My Ex wife tried the pension trick like your husband is doing and tried to run me into the ground with comments and lies like " your going out of your mind" .

Stay strong and start getting any paperwork including his payslips and bank statements together now before he hides them. Also be careful if you have any joint accounts and savings because he could spend all that money tomorrow and you don't get any of it back in your divorce settlement.

He is disgusting. He doesn't even care whether his children have a roof over their heads.

Op, are you in UK? You may be able to qualify for legal aid and push for that. Did your solicitor mention it? It would help you financially a lot.

Don't give up on your fair share of his pension and investments he has made with your joint money. Try to get as much confirmation of these as you can before he moves out, values and all other numbers so he can't hide anything in court.

If not for you, do it for your children.

Do you have any family that could help in any way?

Ah, and everyone is saying you're crazy? Of course they will!
They only know what he wants them to know, plus all bullshit he added in the top of it. They are his flying monkeys.

It's similar to 'my ex was a crazy psyho'

Ignore and don't even give it second thought. Do you have emotional support?

I do have emotional support - thank goodness- I think the women who do this without any are amazing.
I tried to have a sensible conversation with him yesterday about how much I could potentially get a mortgage for (he works in mortgage’s) with my salary on FTE, child benefit and child maintenance of £600 per month (I was basing it on him having kids 3 days a week) and that was like lighting the touch paper.
He doesn’t think I should get anything from him, so I pointed out I would be legally entitled to our joint finances.
He told me, “it’s true what they say, women are snakes with tits but you don’t even have the tits”. This all comes back to his pension.
He now wants to know if I’m “going after his pension” because his goodwill will run out.
My Dad looked into an equity release route on his house but the interest is eye watering.
There aren’t many shared ownership schemes in my area and the ones that do exist are miles out from the kids schools.

@Flowerstone

Stop trying to have sensible conversations with him. Just stop.
He isn’t going to be sensible. He does not want to be fair. And he wants to scare and intimidate you. So - stop.
Tell him - no conversations at home - all through solicitors.

I had a friend who was like you. She kept hoping her ex would see the light and do the right thing for the kids. Instead he got aggressive and police had to put him to his place.

Just go the legal way, and see it through. Don’t let him bully you.

Agree.

Stop discussing anything with this bullying pig.

He doesn't care about his children.

When he starts being aggressive you should ring the police.

Your children must be terrified by these scenes.

Stop engaging.

Go for every penny you can up front.

He will not follow through on anything.

A forensic accountant would be money well spent, as is a good rottweiler of a solicitor.

Call the police the next time he kicks off.

Record him if you can.

Are you still sharing the house? Is there any way at all you can get physical distance?

Firstly, tell him nowt. Grey rock.
Second, police if he gets nasty, and record all threats.
Thirdly, shit hot lawyer, ask for recs.
Finally, if you really do want a compromise before the lawyers take him to task, find a nice house for you and the kids, and ask him to cash in some assets and buy it outright for you/keep your existing house as a very kind compromise.

Firstly, seek legal advice asap. His threat of giving up his job won’t work. My exh threatened the same (amongst other things) and I was advised by my solicitor at the time that the courts take a very dim view of that type of behaviour.

Secondly, the key consideration with the courts will be making sure that both parties (and the children) are adequately housed. As he earns significantly more than you he will need less equity from the house so you will have a good chance of getting more than 50%. I suspect that he already knows that and that this is why he is threatening you to not go through the legal process.

Finally, look into any shared ownership schemes near you. Even with more than 50% you may still need to consider this. This will allow you to still continue owning and protect your existing equity.

His goodwill will run out? What goodwill is that? I don't see any at the moment.

Go for what you're entitled to. I presume you've been working pt to look after your joint dc? Which has also enabled his career and his huge pension.

Just keep your head down op and go for what you're entitled to. He'll get nasty no doubt, but so what, you'll be rid of him soon.

My next guess is he'll tell you he'll quit his job and go for full contact with the dc, which will be another empty threat to stop you going after your joint assets. When he does say this, which he will, just emailed and say 'k' and walk off

Stop discussing it with him

Go and see a solicitor and get proper advice and they can contact his solicitor

You are just aggravating the situation by talking to him about it

If he carries on ask him to leave or call the police for help

Probably because, for example, in my case having been the one who did the family budget for years I know a large percentage of what I pay my ex-wife pays her mortgage and she won't be handing that portion of the house to the children when they're 18.

And also, because my ex-wife is a lazy so and so who doesn't do her share of the money making for the children and sponges off me instead.

Remember (and correct me if I'm wrong) but he's built up his big pension by remaining a high earner whilst your earning plummeted as you have had 3 kids and joint decision to work part time ( so you could do more for family and not interrupting his work)
Did you as a family pay the same amount in to a pension for you? If no, then this is why you shouldn't be penalised.
Don't discuss finance with him, why should he walk away with more, that's like saying your contribution to the family does not count for anything because it wasn't fiscal

Still a lot of terrible advice being given on this thread, especially claim that this is a case where there will be a departure from 50/50. If there is, it will be 55/45 on the house equity only at best (and 50/50 on the pensions, provided they all accrued after marriage).

The big mistake everyone is making is basing their assumptions on gross incomes actually earned, which is completely and utterly the wrong way to look at it. What people should be considering is net incomes based on earning capacity.

First of all, either now or in the very near future the OP will be expected to go back to work full time where we might impute a gross income of £25k. She is also eligible for universal credit, child benefit and child maintenance. On the new imputed income that will mean £1,750 in net earnings, £337 in universal credit, £241 in child benefit and £633 in child maintenance to make a total net income of £2,961.

In contrast, the ex-husband will earn net £3,654 minus the child maintenance of £633. So he will be on £3,021 a month, a £60 difference with the OP. With the children 3 nights a week with him, there is absolutely no question of spousal maintenance with such a tiny difference in net monthly income. That was the first piece of crap advice that we can discount.

Now, the Mesher Order might have been decent advice a year ago but is now the second piece of crap advice dished out here. Interest rates have gone through the roof and before this kind of advice is dished out, the OP will need to know if she can afford the mortgage on her own. As a rule of thumb, a £200k mortgage costs around £1.2k and will probably be more expensive by the end of the year. The OP's ex won't be able to help her as he will have his own housing costs for three children three nights a week and that will mean rent that wipes out nearly half his net income after CM. It seems likely the house will have to be sold and shared ownership might become an option.

The only good piece of advice offered is to split the pensions (or, rather, the matrimonial pensions. Anything before that is not up for grabs). Everything else is bollocks.