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Original poster

Have I been a cow

37 replies

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 07:47

Me and my Son recently moved in to my partners house. He lives here with his Son full time so we have blended families.
My flat was lovely, his house is not! Needs lots of sorting and new stuff.
Anyway life keeps getting in the way of us sorting it and today we had planned a house day as it's getting me down living like this.

His Son (13) had gone to the seaside with grandparents. My partners spoke with his Dad last night and his Dad said he felt breathless and was panicking a bit. Still happy to get on with holiday but was understandably stressing. His Dad has on going heath issues. Does get out of breath but said it was worse than usual. Nobody else in family was massively worried but my partner said our house day is off and this morning he is doing a 5 hour round trip to go and get his Son as he doesn't want his Son being driven home by his Dad. I said that it was a bit of an extreme reaction and why doesn't he just ring today to see how he is and plan from there.

My partner is pissed off with me as thinks I'm not being understanding but tbh I don't understand seems over the top and once again house day is not going to happen. Have I been a total cow?

OP posts:

Wakingonsunshine · 21/05/2023 07:49

Yes. His father and son come.first. especially with health issues like this. He had his priorities right.

DustyLee123 · 21/05/2023 07:54

Of course he wants to check on his dad and son. You could have cracked on with tidying up.

bibbityboppityboo · 21/05/2023 08:53

Can you start sorting the house? No need to cancel it if one of you is there.

If his dad has health issues, is breathless and is panicking + worse than usual, I think it's right he goes to make sure they're okay.

Original poster

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 09:00

I can't as I've done what I can on my own, I seem to be only doing it on my own. The plan today was to get all the crap that's piling up round the house into van and shop for essential stuff we really need. I need him for both. Our time is very limited and will be a while before we get another chance.
I get his Dad isn't well but didn't think it would be unreasonable to see how he was this morning then take it from there. For all he knows he is driving all those hours to get there and he's fine.

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 21/05/2023 09:03

Sorry, yes you have.

can you and DP take a day off one week to do your house day?

Susieb2023 · 21/05/2023 09:04

Yes you have. His son and father come first. You have a decent man there who cares about the people he loves and you’re berating him?

Prettylittleroses · 21/05/2023 09:06

I think his response was the right one, and he reacted correctly to a possible safety issue his father alerted him to.

I find your response selfish and I’d not be happy about it at all

Original poster

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 09:09

Thanks for replies, I will apologies.

OP posts:

Humanswarm · 21/05/2023 09:11

I see your disappointment , and that's valid. But, what's the priority here, his sons safety? His Dad's health or the house?

BitOutOfPractice · 21/05/2023 09:13

OP you know that’s not how AIBU works! You’re supposed to stroppily insist you are right, throw in a giant drip feed then ask for the thread to be deleted 😝

seriously, I know how you feel (I also hate clutter / junk hanging round and want to get stuff done NOW, especially when I’ve got it planned in my head!) but on this occasion, you’ll have to defer.

hope his dad is ok and you can get sorted in the house soon.

Susieb2023 · 21/05/2023 09:17

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 09:09

Thanks for replies, I will apologies.

I do get it, I REALLY do! But in this case your partner is right. Hope your partner’s dad is ok and you get that house sorted soon.

lightbulbmomentsintown · 21/05/2023 09:19

I would definitely do the same especially if one of my parents was panicking a bit. It wouldn't be fair to even ask them to do a five hour round trip when they're not feeling well. They could take ill on the way home - not a pleasant thought to be sick and stuck at the side of a motorway!

Having said all of that, is there a possibility your partner has hoarding tendencies? He had a legit reason to cancel the house day but if this is a regular thing, E.g he's making excuses for sorting out the mess, it might be something to bear in mind.

Original poster

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 09:29

I just know he would rather drive there and before he left said he will stay to have tea ect than do a house day. His parents will be driving home he has just decided he won't allow his Son to drive with them. I do understand but also think he could have seen how he was today as his parents are intending to continue with holiday and just see how it goes.

OP posts:

Tiredmum100 · 21/05/2023 09:30

I understand he wants to check on them, but surely a phone call 1st this morning would make sense? So he's going to pick his son up, but leave his unwell breathless dad drive back on his own?

acpk55 · 21/05/2023 09:30

In this instant you are wrong and he is right of course

also when you say , “his house is not! Needs lots of sorting and new stuff. “,
is this just your opinion because you don’t like it, I would hate it if someone moved into my home and said the same, it sounds like you might be the control issue TBH

Original poster

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 09:31

Thanks for the understanding everyone! He doesn't seem to care how we are living, well says he does but it's like getting blood out of stone getting him to do anything about it!! I'm going to the gym to see stress.

OP posts:

Original poster

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 09:32

Exactly, makes no sense.

OP posts:

AgnesX · 21/05/2023 09:34

You have a bit.

Being breathless is horrible, scary and debilitating and having the responsibility for a child adds to the stress. Your partner is doing his best in case his dad gets really ill.

Original poster

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 09:34

His house is chaos. Storage areas full of crap, no where to put anything. Day to day living is hard. All need painting, curtain poles and curtains are honestly over 15 years old. Wires everywhere, piles of stuff in all corners that either need dump or charity shop. It's not good and needs sorting

OP posts:

acpk55 · 21/05/2023 09:40

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 09:34

Daft question, but why did you not stipulate that this needs to be addressed before moving in, rather than move in and now it’s an issue ?

JimnJoyce · 21/05/2023 09:41

couldnt all this tidying/ smartening up been done before you moved in?

Original poster

Motherhood86 · 21/05/2023 09:42

We have done a lot before hand and continued with bits of painting etc but we need a dump run witch hasn't been an option last few months as partner had a back injury. That was part of today's plan.

OP posts:

Sceptre86 · 21/05/2023 09:45

If his place is in such a state why did you give up your nice flat to move in? What was the rush? Couldn't you have decorated or got him to before you moved in? A lot of this could have been dealt with before you moved in.

Opentooffers · 21/05/2023 09:52

If its as bad as you say, you might find he's a hoarder, which can come under a MH issue. Don't be surprised if future reasons occur as to why it can't be done. If you do get to it, you may also find a lot of resistance from him when it comes to decisions to keep or tip.

SpinningCloudNiteClub · 21/05/2023 10:09

You should have stayed in your own lovely flat.

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