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Original poster

OLD - would this put you off a first date?

44 replies

tempnamechange62 · 19/05/2023 14:15

Have been chatting with a guy I've met on OLD about a week ago, chat has been nice and quite funny. Not tonnes and tonnes of messages as we are both busy, and this suits me because I've been there before where I've overinvested in someone based on texts and they haven't lived up to my expectations when we meet in real life!

Last night we were texting to make arrangements to meet this weekend. We live approx 30 mins away from each other and he was pretty keen to come closer to me... I have done a social media check and he certainly appears to be single and seperated from his wife. He wanted to do lunch but I asked if we can keep it as a coffee and a bit more low key...

Last night as we finalised plans he said:

Sunday is going to be a good day!! 😊 I have a feeling we’re going to click! Sweet dreams gorgeous, sleep well 😊.

I'm probably a bit sensitive (came out a long marriage having been blindsided by a narcissistic liar who love bombed me in the early stages) but I wondered if this message reads as a bit "intense" and high pressured given we haven't even met yet and haven't even talked all that much.

I can't help but feel

OP posts:
Grumpigal · 19/05/2023 14:19

I mean it’s a bit “keen” in a cringey way but it doesn’t read as a red flag to me? maybe he’s just excited?

I’m a bit of a grump and like to play it cool so I’d have probably rolled my eyes a little but I’d give benefit of the doubt if all other messages were fine.

OldTinHat · 19/05/2023 14:20

You're overthinking it!

MrsDoylesDoily · 19/05/2023 14:21

You're not ready to date if you think what he said is anything other than a bit cheesy.

Original poster
tempnamechange62 · 19/05/2023 14:21

@Grumpigal I think cringe is the right word!!!!

He has sent a couple of messages which are a little showy... which kind of make me cringe, but I accept everyone is trying to impress in the early stages so I let it go....

OP posts:
Booklover40 · 19/05/2023 14:21

It’s a bit overfamiliar isn’t it? It wouldn’t necessarily put me off meeting but be aware. He sounds cheesy!

SunnyshowersinMay · 19/05/2023 14:22

You are massively over thinking it!

FartSock5000 · 19/05/2023 14:23

Its not striking me as love bombing, just excitement.

You are right to be on guard though. Just take it easy, enjoy yourself and watch out for the red flags.

This may just be a lovely guy who is excited to finally meet someone and have a connection again.

Breezycheesetrees · 19/05/2023 14:23

That would put me right off, it's far too cheesy and presumptuous - he doesn't actually know you yet, so could be saying this to anyone. Ick. Doesn't mean you're not ready though.

User63847484848 · 19/05/2023 14:23

Aw poor guy 🤣 no that wouldn’t put me off if I liked him and felt the same way… but I’d question whether you’re maybe subconsciously not very keen and that’s why it’s making you feel a bit icky?

Aquamarine1029 · 19/05/2023 14:24

Him being married should put you off.

AllGussiedUp · 19/05/2023 14:24

I’d find it a bit much. Even if you’re hopeful you will click and have reason to think you will, people with healthy attitudes to dating don’t act like this. They remain cautious and don’t want to appear too keen even if they are. It’s just healthy boundaries.

Original poster
tempnamechange62 · 19/05/2023 14:28

@Aquamarine1029 sorry, I wasn't clear. He is divorced! I checked and he and his (former) wife are definitely no longer together.

OP posts:
Original poster
tempnamechange62 · 19/05/2023 14:30

@AllGussiedUp I think that's it for me. I'm probably overly cautious, which I know is down to me, but I feel his keenness is maybe a little too much for me... Perhaps I'm too guarded right now.

OP posts:
thebestbirtheraccordingtoDD · 19/05/2023 14:32

Don't write him off based in that. Meet him and go with what you think of him in person

atcrossroad · 19/05/2023 14:39

You are definitely overthinking it

ICMB · 19/05/2023 14:42

Yeah it’s a bit cheesy but seems sweet, I’d go for it! 🧀😂

OooYoureHard · 19/05/2023 14:55

Would you like some dairylea with that? 😆

QuattroFormaggi · 19/05/2023 15:11

I've been with a guy for 7 months - we met through Tinder. He was a bit like that before we actually met and I worried that he was going to be too clingy or over invested. Turned out he's just an eternal optimist and one of the nicest people I've ever met, without being a massive drip 🤣 wears his heart on his sleeve, means what he says and doesn't play games.

Give him a chance and I hope he's as great a catch as mine. And if he's a cringy creep, don't make another date!

Shivvy120 · 19/05/2023 15:15

You are deffo being overly cautious , but with good reason and that’s a good way to be! You are protecting yourself. However I think that msg is sweet. Imagine a one word answer or a stone cold response … you don’t want that either. I hope you have a lovely coffee date!

kokotheguerilla · 19/05/2023 15:19

I think it’s hard to gauge for some people on OLD how keen or affectionate to seem. I was told I came over like a frosty bitch 😂 which I swear I’m not so I’d say you are overthinking it.

If he’d been declaring love and planning a holiday before your first date I’d say run for the hills.

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 19/05/2023 15:24

I don't think it would stop me from going. But I would be wary of him trying to engineer intimacy, which really needs to develop over time. See what he's like in person, its easy to get carried away on text, more difficult when someone is in front of you and being restrained.

WatieKatie · 19/05/2023 15:25

He’s probably just excited about meeting you OP. I think the coffee is a good idea, you’ll get a much better idea when you meet.

Good luck

TheKobayashiMaru · 19/05/2023 15:27

Maybe he'd had a few beers and was not as careful in his communications as he usually would be.

GoodLies · 19/05/2023 15:29

It’s a bit much but I’d let him off.

W0tnow · 19/05/2023 15:39

Cringe, but proceed with caution.

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