OLD - would this put you off a first date?

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Have been chatting with a guy I've met on OLD about a week ago, chat has been nice and quite funny. Not tonnes and tonnes of messages as we are both busy, and this suits me because I've been there before where I've overinvested in someone based on texts and they haven't lived up to my expectations when we meet in real life!

Last night we were texting to make arrangements to meet this weekend. We live approx 30 mins away from each other and he was pretty keen to come closer to me... I have done a social media check and he certainly appears to be single and seperated from his wife. He wanted to do lunch but I asked if we can keep it as a coffee and a bit more low key...

Last night as we finalised plans he said:

Sunday is going to be a good day!! 😊 I have a feeling we’re going to click! Sweet dreams gorgeous, sleep well 😊.

I'm probably a bit sensitive (came out a long marriage having been blindsided by a narcissistic liar who love bombed me in the early stages) but I wondered if this message reads as a bit "intense" and high pressured given we haven't even met yet and haven't even talked all that much.

I can't help but feel

Is he called Mark ha, I had a very excitable Mark on OLD

I’d find it a bit cheesy and it would probably sit on the outer edges of my “player/lovebomber radar” but it wouldn’t stop me meeting him. That’s when I’d be able to tell if its just nerves or if he really thinks the way into my knickers is spouting that sort of shit early on.

Ultimately though, it doesn’t matter what any of us think, if it’s giving you “vibes” then perhaps your instincts are more finely tuned to what you’re looking for than you realise (and he/this isn’t it).

I thinhebwas probably just trying to show a bit of enthusiasm especially if you haven't messaged loads. The clicking comment - yeah that's a bit OTT but he didn't ask you to show him your tits at least... 😉

A bit corny but not cancellation territory. I would say be alert to odd behaviours in person however they are over text rather than being too forensic about messaging beforehand (unless there are any huge alerts!).

Being called gorgeous always puts me off them a bit, it's so cringe. However, I suspect many men have no idea that platitudes about appearance, especially before meeting, don't work. It's not a major crime so I'd still see how it goes as long as they don't repeatedly gush about you in texts or on the meet.

Well similar happened to me recently and the guy totally cooled off after our date 🤣

@morethanspice cooled off in a good way or a bad way?!

In two minds about whether to go ahead this weekend or not...

He has been a little showy in some of his messages and hinted that he'd bought some festival tickets and that he had a spare if I wanted to join, although I may have totally misread that one...

Cooled off in that the messaging pattern quickly started to change from regular to sparse and all talk of future plans was very cagey
i did then find out he was clearing out his flat and had found lots of stuff belonging to his ex. He was clearly not over her and it turned out they’d only just split…..

Give him a chance! He's just a bit keen

Go and meet him with an open mind. You're only meeting for coffee so you can make your leave whenever you want. Don’t judge him before you’ve met him. Good luck! Let us know how it goes 😊

I assume the worst of everyone, that they’re insincere, have an ulterior motive and messaging multiple people. That message would solidify this.

Is he new to OLD? I remember my friends when they first joined getting all enthusiastic from the messages then when they realised so many were a disappointment irl, they shifted the judgement point to after meeting. You could meet him and really like him but he might go off the boil with you, just the same risk as the other way round. I'd give him a chance and judge after the coffee. If you wrote everyone off at this stage for minor things you're cutting your nose off to spite your face. You can tell nothing from benign messages.

I’d find it unattractively over-keen, and, as a pp said, a touch presumptuous, but would still go on the date. Some people are just poor at writing, and many of them are men. I have a clever, highly-literate, well-educated, sensitive male friend, and sometimes his text messages are just plain clunky.

Meh tbh sounds like he might not be your kind of person tbf if you've noted the showy messaging as well.as the corniness but I'd risk a coffee now it's arranged. Just keep the time limited. I did a lot of OLD and to be honest, the meaningful relationships or flings I had (including DP) started with interesting and compatible messages.

I met loads of nice men that did absolutely nothing for me and if I'm honest, I could have told you that before we met for most of them but was trying to get out there as much as possible.

It's a bit cringe but I wouldn't say it was a red flag.

I'd be more concerned with the fact that he's only separated and not divorced though!

Oops sorry, I posted before reading this. Divorced is much better than separated. 😊

Honestly the only way to approach online dating is to (but also prioritising your own safety) date many and avoid preconceptions. Put the date in your calendar and get busy elsewhere up till the hour beforehand where you're getting ready.

You know nothing about him before meeting him. His message suggests he's an enthusiastic person, that could well be the type of person who grates on you but impossible to say now.

Go on the date with the sole purpose of having an enjoyable 1.5 hours max. Then the only question you should be asking yourself is are you keen on spending another 2 or 3 hours on a next date and so on. Be open-minded while trusting your judgment but don't try to force a full investigation in a tiny space of time about people - their characters reveal themselves naturally.

Far too judgemental. There could be a myriad of reasons why he’s just separated and not yet divorced. Live and let live

So… how was it? @lightbulbmomentsintown