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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Trying to add me on social media - not spoken in years

35 replies

Headlessbond · 17/05/2023 21:45

We worked together but he didn’t admit his feelings nor did I but obviously fancied each other, we both left the job and we went our separate ways. He got married, divorced after 6 months and decided to tell everyone (but me, I heard through mutual friends) that I’m his “the one who got away”. I was engaged and happy with my now husband. This was 8 years ago.

He’s now tried to add me on my social media. We haven’t spoken in 8 years. Do I accept? It’s not a good idea is it? I think he’s married with a child. I’m happy and don’t feel anything for him.

OP posts:

tribpot · 17/05/2023 21:54

God no. Stay well away from this. Delete and block.

Fantina · 17/05/2023 21:57

I only have closeish people on social media. I figured if I wouldn’t have a coffee with them and show them my holiday snaps, then I shouldn’t have them on Facebook. So with that in mind, do you want to let him into that close a circle? And if so, why?

Original poster

Headlessbond · 17/05/2023 22:20

We used to be really good friends. I just wondered why he would add me again - he’s the one who deleted me off all his social media. If there’s no feelings - we are both married with children. Is it worth reconnecting? Or is it just a no no?

OP posts:

Mañanarama · 17/05/2023 22:24

I would accept, I’m too nosy not to. I’d give it a week or so and if there’s no interaction just defriend him.

AMuser · 17/05/2023 22:25

Hard no

FriendsDrinkBook · 17/05/2023 22:26

No. Don't accept. Leave this well alone op!

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/05/2023 22:30

No, leave it. You’re already curious and (be honest) engaging in all sorts of imaginings about him still having wild feelings for you. Best avoided.

Original poster

Headlessbond · 17/05/2023 22:30

What’s everyone’s reason for saying no…?
in case feelings develop? I’m happily married to an amazing man and have a lovely life.
I didn’t even feel anything, not even a flutter when I saw his request.
I think I’d like a nosy though and to see if he’s okay…
we were really good friends before any feelings did develop.

OP posts:

WhisperingAutistic · 17/05/2023 22:30

Was it on Facebook? Because there has recently been a glitch where it requested friends with people who's account you have viewed. They might not have physically requested.
uk.pcmag.com/social-media/146835/meta-fixes-facebook-bug-that-sent-automatic-friend-requests

Original poster

Headlessbond · 17/05/2023 22:31

AtrociousCircumstance · 17/05/2023 22:30

No, leave it. You’re already curious and (be honest) engaging in all sorts of imaginings about him still having wild feelings for you. Best avoided.

Honestly no. It’s been 8 years. That’d be unfair on his wife and child.

OP posts:

Dery · 17/05/2023 22:32

I think if you have to ask whether you should accept his invite, the answer is you shouldn’t. Some instinct is telling you it’s a bad idea and that’s because you fancied each other. Why risk the confusion that will cause?

Original poster

Headlessbond · 17/05/2023 22:32

WhisperingAutistic · 17/05/2023 22:30

Facebook and Snapchat so don’t think it was a glitch…

OP posts:

Peterpiperpickedapeckof · 17/05/2023 22:34

Don’t invite trouble into your life. If you are bored find something else to do

FriendsDrinkBook · 17/05/2023 22:37

I was in your situation years ago op , old friends , lost contact , feelings in the past etc. The 'friend' that requested me proceeded to hit on me even though he had a pregnant wife. I'd put money on this guy doing the same.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/05/2023 22:37

Definite no. You both fancied each other but not enough to do anything about it, and then you didn't feel any need to see each other for years. Now he's a bit bored and his wife is busy with the baby so he's pampering his ego by finding out whether you still fancy him.

Would you want your husband chatting to a woman he used to like who has come looking for him and previously described him as the one who got away? Or would you hope he has more sense?

Original poster

Headlessbond · 17/05/2023 22:41

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/05/2023 22:37

Would you want your husband chatting to a woman he used to like who has come looking for him and previously described him as the one who got away? Or would you hope he has more sense?

Good point.
However he would never expect me to pamper his ego…as I never told him I liked him or our mutual friends. But your post has some good points.

OP posts:

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 17/05/2023 22:41

No. For all the reasons given above. Leave this one in the past.

Original poster

Headlessbond · 19/05/2023 17:23

So I listened and didn’t accept.
Lo behold - he’s messaged me today asking why I’m not accepting?
What do I say?!!

Like I’ve said before - I never told him I liked him or anyone we know so either it was obvious or he never knew.

I am worried that ignoring him might make him realise that I did? If you see what I mean… like why would I not message him back? As far as he’s concerned he never told me “I’m the one that got away” to my face.

I don’t want to message him or accept him now neither. His persistence is making me worried…

OP posts:

tribpot · 19/05/2023 17:25

Yeah I definitely don't think you want to accept now, it's too pushy and weird. I would just block and move on. He's coming across as wanting a hook-up. J

Original poster

Headlessbond · 19/05/2023 17:26

We’ve never hooked up even when single or engaged. Why would he think I would be interested in a hook up when I’m married with a child?!
Am I being naive?

OP posts:

Stratocumulus · 19/05/2023 17:34

Block & forget him.
You say you are happy & settled. Maybe he is not, and wants to kindle something from nothing.

Don't go there OP. It could make a lot of trouble in your marriage and upset in your mind. Just don’t.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/05/2023 17:39

You owe this person precisely nothing. Do not respond at all to his messages as doing so keeps the line of communication open.

Ensure also he has no further ways of being able to contact you. You need to block his current access.

Original poster

Headlessbond · 19/05/2023 17:46

I didn’t accept his requests.
He’s sent me another request from a different account and messaged me - that is his also. The second one has all his friends and family so it’s not a “secret” account before anyone says it is.
But I agree. I hope he gets the message. The last thing I want is for him to get an ego boost - because I’m not messaging him or accepting that he may think that I had feelings for him too. But at this point I don’t care. His persistence is making me worried so I know not to go there.

OP posts:

tribpot · 19/05/2023 17:53

So he's got two Facebook accounts? Either he's been hacked and the hacker's managed to attract a lot of his friends and family to the second account or something else weird is happening. Either way, not your circus, not your monkeys. Just block and move on.

Original poster

Headlessbond · 19/05/2023 17:57

The original request was from his old account - the one I used to be added to. I didn’t accept.
I think now he’s got a newer one like 5 years old) - it’s a-bit more active and I can see public posts. He messaged me using this one.

I may have come up as “friends you may know” when he logged on his old one. Sent me a request and then realise I didn’t accept and tried with his new one. I don’t know really.

OP posts:

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