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Original poster

ADHD, rage and violence

32 replies

BlastedPimples · 17/05/2023 13:49

My stbx who is estranged from our dcs (their choice) keeps insisting his diagnosis of "mold ADHD" contributed to his rage and violence issues.

Is this a common thing then?

He attacked me after a 2.5 hour rage last autumn where I blacked out momentarily as he twisted my head.

ADHD or just a violent thug?

OP posts:
plasticpens · 17/05/2023 13:51

I'm sure you know deep down ADHD doesn't make people abusive cunts.

Brendabigbaps · 17/05/2023 13:53

What’s mold adhd? Or do you mean mild?

rage and violence is common for kids with adhd but it’s the same as with any anger issues, they usually learn to control it by adulthood. A violent adult just can’t be bothered to learn to control it
adhd isn’t an excuse for the behaviour, it’s a reason behind some of it.

Original poster
BlastedPimples · 17/05/2023 13:54

Lol. Yes. Mild.

OP posts:
Xennellium · 17/05/2023 13:54

ADHD can contribute to a shorter fuse being more 'hot headed' and having to work harder on anger management skills, but it is absolutely not a justification for violence or abuse of any kind. I am so sorry this has happened to you.

FatAgain · 17/05/2023 13:55

We’ve all got adhd in this house and nobody is violent or ragey

Fiddlededeefiddlededoh · 17/05/2023 13:58

It doesn’t matter if his ADHD contributes to his rage you still cannot put up with that kind of behaviour. But fwiw I don’t think it does.

Original poster
BlastedPimples · 17/05/2023 14:10

Ah but he says medication and mh care has got it all under control.

OP posts:
Dontknownow86 · 18/05/2023 17:11

No sorry. Medication does make it very slightly easier to manage your emotions but not enough that I would trust it was 'under control'. Being violent is in my opinion also totally separate.

I have ADHD op and have never been violent or ragey. That's his personality rather than a symptom. For example I am quite passive so I'm more likely to cry or need time to myself if I get emotional.

If violence is how he deals with his emotions then medication or not he is likely to do it again. He's using this as an excuse, please don't give him the time of day.

PaintedEgg · 18/05/2023 17:17

just a thug, having adhd may mean you have a bad temper but how that temper manifests depends on a person

Mabelface · 18/05/2023 17:36

Violent thug trying to do the "poor me" thing to reel you back in. Cut contact. Your kids have, so can you.

Effieswig · 18/05/2023 17:40

So I take it he couldn’t hold down a job? Or had any friends or went anywhere without an escort? Because he couldn’t control his rage? Raged at his boss, people in the street? Friends?

it’s all bullshit. But what happens if his medication stops working? Or his mental health takes dive again?

It’s an excuse. Adhd or mental health issues doesn’t mean you hold no responsibility for being violent. It doesn’t mean you don’t know right and wrong. He was violent because he was a violent person.

CornishTiger · 18/05/2023 17:40

No such thing as mild adhd. He either has it or he doesn’t. However that’s still no excuse for violent and disrespectful for the many people who also have ADHD and aren’t violent! A diagnosis is not a get out of jail free card.

picklesy · 18/05/2023 17:50

I have ADHD. I'd describe myself as feeling emotions much more deeply than other people appear to. The highs are extremely high and the lows are really low, but neither last very long. I definitely have a short fuse.

BUT, I obviously know the difference between right and wrong. I work hard at it, because I'm aware of it - just as your stbx is, since he's apparently trying to use it as a get out of jail free card.

It's tough don't get me wrong, but absolutely no excuse to be abusive or anything of the sort!!!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/05/2023 17:53

I have ADHD, mostly manifesting as very poor impulse control. Which can make me lose my temper at things other people would hardly even notice. What it doesn't do is make me attack people or rage at them for hours.

Bargellobitch · 18/05/2023 17:55

It's quite offensive to people with adhd that he'd say that. As no it's not true. He's just abusive.

rumpsteak · 18/05/2023 18:00

Abusive thug who needs excising from your life.

Flufferblub · 18/05/2023 18:04

Is he trying to hoover you back into a relationship?

Anaemiafog · 18/05/2023 18:06

DH and adult DS have ADHD, neither are mild. They can open their mouths before they think sometimes but never ever display any violent tendencies.

Reugny · 18/05/2023 18:25

I only know one person with ADHD who is a thug, the rest are lambs. They tend to be too busy being angry/fustrated with themselves for losing stuff etc to hit out at other people.

OhcantthInkofaname · 18/05/2023 18:27

BlastedPimples · 17/05/2023 14:10

Ah but he says medication and mh care has got it all under control.

Until the next time...

cisisaslur · 18/05/2023 19:18

My son has an ADHD diagnosis and he's truly the most gentle kindest person I've met.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/05/2023 19:25

He is a violent thug who has used ADHD as an excuse for his violent behaviour.

Your DC are not in contact with him and nor should you be either.

polkadotdalmation · 18/05/2023 19:36

My ex had adhd, as does our DS, and ex would have massive rages. His adhd made him very easily overwhelmed and when he got overwhelmed he became anxious. This would rapidly spiral out of control and his only release mechanism was to invent something to rage at me for.

DS does not do this. His anxiety does also become anger but it's at the situation not aimed at a person. Ever.

So my exH and yours are basically pieces of entitled, nasty, violent shit.

billy1966 · 18/05/2023 21:02

Mabelface · 18/05/2023 17:36

Violent thug trying to do the "poor me" thing to reel you back in. Cut contact. Your kids have, so can you.

This.

Keep this violent thug away from your poor children.

He could have killed you.

WinterCarlisle · 18/05/2023 21:16

I have ADHD - I did absolutely have a very short fuse as a teenager but not now. Totally agree with @picklesy - this is exactly how I am too.

My 9 year old also has ADHD and is sweet, kind and gentle.

The man you are describing is a thug. ADHD is a challenge, certainly. But it is NOT an excuse for being an arsehole.