Do commitment phobes exist or are they "just not into you"

[Livelifelaughter]

So, discussing our relationship with an ex. He said he thinks he is just a commitment phobe. He could go on numerous long weekends with me but not a week holiday. Spend 2 nights a week but not 3...meet all of my friends, introduce me . He was married for many years so obviously could make a commitment at that point but he says that was because he had other relationships outside the marriage.
Do you think commitment phobes really exist or is it a case of just not being into someone...?

But why think it should be one way round rather than the other? I liked to have sex fairly quickly so I could see if we were sexually compatible. Absolutely no point in falling for someone and discovering too late that they’re impotent/ dreadful in bed/ you have incompatible kinks. More women have suffered from being taught that sex is something women give to men as a ‘reward’ for commitment.

CountMushroom

i don’t disagree , I do NOT think lockdown helped shape modern dating behaviours either

i date now and i see some behaviours that are so strange (many , not just sexual ) and I think alot of men went lonely wacky on the apps and the pornhub for far too long

It drives some expectations about sex maybe too early ?

I've dated people and waited 3 months before sex to find we weren't compatible, would much rather find out earlier. I completely agree, sex shouldn't be treated as a reward...

I'm 55, female and I've been commitment phobic since my 20s.
For me, it doesn't just manifest itself in relationships but in life in general.
I've actively avoided buying a house because I couldn't commit to a mortgage, push people away when they get too close, and my best relationships have both been long distance ones.
Sometimes I hate myself for being commitment phobic, and have been really upset about deliberately sabotaging good relationships in the past, but knowing and changing are two different things.

@JudyGemstone , I’m similar , my two younger dc are with my partner , but we don’t have a joint bank account, or a mortgage together, and we have no plans to get married, I wouldn’t even be able to commit to a venue .