Thoughts on providing deposit for autistic grandchild

[Member346563]

Just wondering what others think.

between us me and DH have 5 adult children and 10 grandchildren aged 1 to 10.

One of our our grandchildren is aged 9 and is autistic. He is fairly high functioning in that he can communicate and dress himself, infact if you met him you would just think he’s a ‘bit behind’ ( can’t yet read or write well) His mum (my stepdaughter) and dad want to buy a house or flat to provide for him in the future. My step son in law has a very well paid job, they have 4 children in total, they live in a nice house but all money goes on the house and children ( these children want for nothing and have a lovely life) they can afford to pay a mortgage for a second property but unable to find a deposit. Step-daughter is a full time mum.

They could save for a deposit themselves if they tightened their belts but they have asked us if we would provide a 10k deposit for them ( as a gift )

we can afford to do this, and we are generous with all our adult children but try to treat them all in a similarly financial way. I.e we paid £500 for one to have driving lessons, gave the others £500 towards holidays or cars. So all are treated equally more or less.

however, we could not afford to give each other adult child 10k.
on the other hand, they are thinking of their child’s future, a child who will probably never be in a position to have a well paid job (if any job) But they want him to have an independent future/adulthood if possible so I can understand from this point of view.

my worry/ concern is that our other adult child will be jealous/upset if we do this.

We’ve had a lot of fallings out over the past few years and some of the adult children don’t speak to each other so we don’t wish to make this worse.

just wondering if any of you wise people had any thoughts or advice. Thanks

[Posting as a mum of now adult profoundly autistic young man]
Get some serious independent financial advice. You could impact your grandsons ability to claim benefits in he future and more importantly if he needs care the property could be viewed as a financial asset. My parents placed a codicil in their will for the bequest on behalf on our son. The money on the advice of a financial advisor is in a ring fenced high return saving account and linked to a beneficial trust will - again we sought serious legal advice from a solicitor able to handle such complexity. Not all can. Maybe consider investing as my parents did then on their deaths that investment was handed over. The idea is that on our deaths it will go towards a trust held flat for the benefit of him during his lifetime so he will have a place to live that is not directly his. To protect your intents and demonstrate fairness to other siblings this needs some kind of legal nicety in place. Get grown up advice on future planning.

Actually if you’re so inclined you could suggest to them that you’ve thought about it, and instead of giving them £10k you’re considering setting up a trust fund for their son that will be controlled by independent trustees. If they are genuinely motivated by wanting to do the best for their child they should have no problem with this.

If it’s a problem because for some reason it’s imperative for them to have control of and access to the money, then you’ll know it’s a grift and the child is the hook they’re trying to reel you in on.

As pp have said, social care is means tested.

Disability Living Allowance (DLA) is a benefit for disabled children for the extra costs of their disability. PIP is the adult equivalent. These benefits are not means tested.

If grandson gets to 18 and can’t work, he could apply for Universal Credit to pay for his cost of living. However Universal Credit is means tested. If grandson had savings of £16,000, he wouldn’t get Universal Credit, as the DWP would expect him to live on his savings, including your £10,000 until he fell below the £16,000.

As a disabled child, your grandson might need to start High Court action against his local authority if they failed to carry out their statutory duties towards him - either in providing his special education or social care. If grandson has no assets or income other than benefits, such as DLA/PIP and Universal Credit, then he would be entitled to legal aid. All legal action would be free for him; and the local authority could not threaten to pursue him for their costs; if he is publicly funded.

The savings limit for legal aid is £8,000 and your £10,000 would take him over the threshold. His parents would not have the option of High Court action on his behalf for free!

There is a scheme for people with long term disabilities to buy a house:

https://www.local.gov.uk/sites/default/files/documents/HOLD%20and%20shared%20ownership%20and%20step%20by%20step%20guide_FINAL.pdf

Mencap also has a list of solicitors, who can give advice on long term planning for families with children/adults with long term disabilities.

As the parent of a disabled adult myself, I strongly suggest you get legal advice on financial planning for grandson before going any further!

We are doing this as a family for DS who is autistic. The house will not be in his name, so that he still gets whatever he is entitled to as an adult (if he’s in that position). Grandparents also setting up a trust of some sort.

The theory is it will bring in income to facilitate me being there for DS as carer and provide security for him in future/a place to live. If he is able to go to Uni and doesn’t want to stay in home town, we will continue to rent the house and use the income to pay for alternate accommodation where he’s based.

We’re also concerned there may be private medical costs in future as there have been for other autistic members of the family who’ve developed autoimmune issues/epilepsy with age.

I would recommend firstly, waiting until prices come down a bit and either setting up the investment yourselves or loaning the money to your step children for their son - either a direct loan, or reduce their inheritance by 10k.

Why don't you loan it, if they are going to be renting it out then they are going to receiving an income. I can see how this could aggrieve the other children.

Mortgage lenders won't accept a deposit that's loaned money, as that then gives the person who has loaned it a stake in the house. You would have to give a signed declaration that it is an unconditional gift.

Doesn’t stop then paying back the money though bit by bit over say 3yrs.

The fact is that anyone can make plans with someone else's money. It's just crazy that they want to buy one child a home when they have other children and when you have other grandchildren. Why would they think you'd want to do that?

@OhComeOnFFS

Because he’s autistic and only 15% of people with this diagnosis are able to attain employment.

He may already have comorbid learning disabilities on account of his not being able to read or write, but is also more likely to develop a range of autoimmune diseases, epilepsy (40% of autistic boys), fibromyalgia, ME, insomnia, GI issues and a raft of mental health problems.

On top of this he is more vulnerable to physical and sexual assault, theft and abuse.

Yes there are the wonderful examples of extremely talented autistics doing very well for themselves, but this is not the reality for most who will struggle quite a bit.

The parents wanting to protect him by building a financial security blanket isn’t a bad thing. He is vastly disadvantaged by contrast to his peers, siblings and cousins, and will probably never have anywhere near the same earning capacity. You can hope that he’ll improve and be in the 15% rather than 85% but it’s certainly not a given.

Where are you getting these statistics from? The Government website suggests 30% , the NAS 22%.

I work with young adults with ASD assisting in securing employment and we have over 85% success. Things are changing for the better and this boy should not be written off my his parents age 9.

They are not looking for a deposit for their autistic child.

They are looking for a deposit for themselves.

And they think that they have more chance of squeezing money out of you if it's framed as helping a disabled child have somewhere to live blah blah.

Too many things can change or go wrong between now and a point in the future when the child will be ready to live in the house if at all.

I'd say no but say you will revisit in 10 years time.

The mother can get a job if she's that keen to amass 10 grand.

I think it’s this too. Say you’ll come back and reassess in ten years

No way.
SIL got a £10k house deposit and all her wedding paid for and DH got nothing. No rhyme or reason. Treat all your DC equally.
He thinks a lot less of his parents now which is a a shame, and also of his SIL for accepting it knowing he was to get nothing.

@littleripper

Not suggesting they write him off, but provide more for him than other children who do not have the same difficulty so as to level the playing field. That is what we are doing for our child. Who I am absolutely determined will meet his potential. I am very aware of what he needs having gone undiagnosed myself for 30+ yrs.

Apologies - I’ve quoted the American rates of employment having read a book from the states recently - I can see NAS quoting 22%

https://www.forbes.com/sites/jenniferpalumbo/2021/04/27/why-autism-speaks-is-encouraging-companies-to-hire-those-on-the-autistic-spectrum/?sh=764bb4ff52a2

https://thinkingautismguide.com/2018/02/why-is-autistic-unemployment-rate-so.html

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/news/new-data-on-the-autism-employment-gap

78% unemployed is still not great in my book, anything we can do to ensure our son is protected and not loitering through live solely dependent on the benefits system; we are going to do it. I’d rather he weren’t on it at all, the exception being DLA which he is entitled to.

Here’s one of the links for epilepsy, if you want more and papers for the other ailments just shout. 😊

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/epilepsy-autism

@Member346563

I am inclined to agree with others, as I’ve posted before, that you shouldn’t just hand over 10k and expect them to funnel it towards the autistic child.

One thing you could do is set up the asset yourselves (depending on whether you’d qualify, what the rates are) and leave it to the boy. To ensure that it is definitely for him.

Or else loan the money or support them in some way to save more (help with care to facilitate the mother working etc). Which wouldn’t show massive favouritism to them over your other family members, merely a desire to support difficult circumstances.

Agree with others that (a) they can’t see Into the future (b) you can’t afford to give the same to others and (c) they are ok financially

so no for me x

I don't think it's a good idea because it's a want not a need, and your other children may harbour resentment and fall out.

Mortgage lenders won't accept a deposit that's loaned money, as that then gives the person who has loaned it a stake in the house. You would have to give a signed declaration that it is an unconditional gift.

The family member lending money for the deposit can however have a deed of trust, registering their beneficial interest in the property. We have done it with two DC, after we lent them money for the deposit - only to be repaid on the sale of the property. It also says for instance, that we are not responsible for the utility bills, house insurance, etc and specifies how the house is to be valued, before sale - ie three estate agents are to be asked for a valuation. We had solicitors draw up the deeds of trust.

Doesn’t stop then paying back the money though bit by bit over say 3yrs.

No, but they'd have to outright lie to the lender - and then, there could be a 'misunderstanding' on the part of the recipients, meaning that they 'believed it didn't have to be repaid'.

I agree with PP that they'd need a 25% deposit for a BTL, and are thus extremely unlikely to find anywhere suitable costing £40K. Even the very cheapest parts of the country aren't that cheap, unless you buy an absolute wreck, which will then cost you the same again, probably more, to make habitable.

Maybe they would later 'discover' this fact and then suggest that they keep the £10K anyway, now that it's been given 'for their DS' - to explore what other options there may be 'to provide for his future'.... and keep kicking it down the road until the money is forgotten. I don't know them, so I'm not accusing them of anything; but they could do something like that, if they were so minded.

Thanks for the info, Quisquam - I didn't know that was possible. It sounds far from straightforward and cheap, though; and was that for BTL property?

Thanks for all your answers and opinions. I don’t think they are aware a BTL property comes with a 25% deposit which puts a whole different perspective on things. I am really grateful for your input which has given me lots of input when I say sorry but NO to them.

Thanks for the info, Quisquam - I didn't know that was possible. It sounds far from straightforward and cheap, though; and was that for BTL property?

No, sorry, that was for a house for each of DC and their partner to live in. The deed of trust cost about £600 plus Vat, but it was very simple for us. We explained our concerns - the solicitors advised us to have a deed of trust, which they drew up. All we had to do was sign it with witnesses.