Hear me out. Yes it’s another in-laws (outlaws) one, but no I’m not an evil dil (I’ll elaborate afterwards).
We are having our son baptised in July. I’m paying for the whole thing as my husband isn’t religious (fair enough). I’m hiring a photographer because my husband is hopeless at taking photos, there are no nice photos of me with our son or of the three of us together and my own family who might take pictures with me actually in them, live abroad (my father’s job keeps my family constantly on the move, apart from my brother who is a godfather) and so they won’t make the ceremony.
Here in lies my issue. I have gone for a budget package for this as I’m on maternity leave. The photographer will only attend the ceremony and briefly the drinks and buffet at the restaurant afterwards. For the cheapest price I can choose ten photographs to edit and receive copyright of the images.
Now my inlaws have never taken a picture of me with my baby, when they come to visit they take pictures of themselves with the baby, with my husband and the baby, and if I’m even slightly in the frame they will ask me to move out. This is especially rude as I don’t have family in the country so it would be nice if they even attempted to acknowledge that I exist by having me in the first photos of the first visit. (I didn’t have any visits for people to see me until all his family had visited separately because they said it was “more important that all his family were able to meet the baby as that was their right”, before my best friend could come and actually support me and my husband.)
I wish I hadn’t allowed this but I was utterly wiped from a traumatic birth which needed further procedures to fix.
I know my inlaws will try to commender the photographer to do a family photo session without me (ie one of granddad/grandma with baby, one with BIL) one of all the boys etc). I want to take one picture of them grouped in the whole as a family, with me in it, because they can’t edit me out when I’m bloody paying for it and they edit me out normal, and that’s the end of it.
I want to use the other photographs on the wonderful people that are his two godfathers and godmother who supported us physically and emotionally through difficult times (his parents didn’t ), pictures of him during the ceremony, and our other wonderful guests who are our ‘village’.
My husband agrees. He doesn’t want a photo at all with them in it, he doesn’t actually like them but doesn’t want to make things awkward with his surviving grandparents (his lovely grandfathers)
Here is why I want to exclude them. My inlaws are not nice people. They are racist, sexist, homophobic you name it. They also caused a lot of stress with some nasty vicious behaviour towards me during the pregnancy and birth. (Don’t want to create a long essay, but don’t want to drip feed, I can elaborate if needed it not too outing). They also told me they think my religion is a joke. So not sure why they are even coming tbh.
A lot of this obviously is a DH issue as he should have managed the relationship better, but easier said then done if you were raised by awful overbearing parents.
Many members of his family secretly acknowledge how awful his parents are, but noone wants to rock the boat and cause them to kick off.
Can I just hand the photographer a shot list and ask him to play the bad guy? I don’t want him wasting time on photos we won’t be using. We eloped so no wedding photos. (We eloped again because his parents threw so many tantrums about how we wanted to have our wedding, that we were paying for, that we ended up just losing our deposits and eloping for the easy life!).