Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I ignore now or block and forget ?

49 replies

AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:21

I was online dating and have been single 4 years.

I'm off it all now and have given up . Had 100s dates .

However there is a guy I've been chatting with for 2 years. Never met .

2 weeks ago I asked if he'd like to give it whirl meeting . No pressure. He responded he thought I'd never ask and was about to give up !

2 days before the proposed date he sent a letter from hospital to say he had a cat scan booked and couldn't come . No problem ! I said we can reschedule.

We've continued chatting but it feels strained and weird now .

I've asked him now if he feels the time has come and gone to meet and said I'm perfectly happy to maintain a whats app friendship if that's what he would like .

It's been days without an answer.

I'm torn between leaving it and chatting when he decides to chat ( which he does ) we can go weeks without communicating.
Or just say enough and block . Or just leave it and not block .
Problem is I keep chatting and seems pointless if he's no intention of meeting.
I was t that bothered - he's not exactly made my heart flutter ! He just appeared to be nice , normal and friendly.

I'm a bit disappointed he had t just answered yes or no ! I'm fine either way. Said as much .
I'm not going to message again . Balls in his court . I just dont know whether to put it in mine and fuck him off .

OP posts:
sashy22 · 14/05/2023 22:22

Two years and you've never met? Sorry to say it but he isn't really interested.

Honeyroar · 14/05/2023 22:24

Oh god yes - take that ball that is in your court and hit it out of the park. And never go looking for it again! Two years??? How could you be bothered wasting so much time on someone without a meet up?

PimpMyFridge · 14/05/2023 22:25

There is nothing about his responses or the way he is conducting himself in these interactions which is encouraging at all.
Draw a line under the penpal and move on.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:25

He was so he says - he said he's shy and thought I'd never ask . Said he's fancied me for ages ?

But when I did he seems to have got cold feet .

It's taking g up headspace . So don't know whether to just leave it or block and forget it .

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 14/05/2023 22:26

Are YOU actually interested in meeting?

Why 2 years?

If someone asked if the time had been and gone, I’d think that’s what THEY thought.

Seas164 · 14/05/2023 22:26

I've a sneaky suspicion that he's not nice or normal, and he's not being very friendly as it all sounds on his terms.

Sack it off, block him, do whatever you need to to clear him off the decks, he's a time waster and an energy drain.

Londontoderby · 14/05/2023 22:30

Do you mean he sent you a photo of proof that he has a cat scan?

Does he normally answer quickly or is this normal for him?

Doyoumind · 14/05/2023 22:38

My guess is he's not even single.

AMuser · 14/05/2023 22:41

Oh ffs. He’s obviously in a relationship or odd as hell. Or both.

Value yourself and your time. Speak to someone for a max of 2 weeks (ideally a week) before meeting and seeing if you’re a match.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:41

It's sporadic. We've always had a friendship I suppose online since matching .

I made several male friends off date apps . I have more men friends than female friends.

But now
We made the shift to arranging to meet , and it's gone awry - it feels awkward and different and we're both skirting around it .

So I just asked the question- said if it's feeling like the moment has passed it's fine - did he want to reschedule or just leave it as it is .

Normally messages back within a day . Nothing - nothing for days and days and he's read the message.

I've blocked . Just said good luck with everything.

And blocked.
I'm tired . His job was quite fascinating to me - he's a horse stuntman - and I love horses ! But I think the momentum has gone and the time has passed . He was just the "last one" from my online dating days . I aren't going back online , I'm 51 , I've decided I'm going to remain single despite the hope (rapidly disappearing) that I'd maybe meet someone.
My ex has met someone
My ex husband has
I'm the only single person among my friends and family . I'm very outgoing, bubbly, and while I'm really happy in my own company (I'm a closet hermit at heart ) I hoped that something would happen. Eventually. I'm not really made
For being alone all the time - or maybe I am ! I dunno . I get a bit lonely and miss intimacy- I have hobbies and friends and work - it's just not the same as having someone to
Cuddle up to at night is it ?

OP posts:
Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:43

He was definitely definitely single .
That's not the issue . So many cynics !

We've just
Gone past the point of meeting I suspect .

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 14/05/2023 22:43

Only someone who is lying sends the actual pictures of a CAT scan appt. People who chat for 2 years on a dating app need to give their heads a wobble. Sorry Op that’s included you as much as him but at least you’re single.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:44

Londontoderby · 14/05/2023 22:30

Do you mean he sent you a photo of proof that he has a cat scan?

Does he normally answer quickly or is this normal for him?

Yeah he sent the letter as "proof " I think but the. We've had two weekends since - I said I'd leave it with him to arrange a reschedule and he's made no attempt.

OP posts:
AMuser · 14/05/2023 22:44

AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:43

He was definitely definitely single .
That's not the issue . So many cynics !

We've just
Gone past the point of meeting I suspect .

You’ve never met the bloke. Cop on.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:45

No he's got a massive social media following due to his job - he's definitely definitely single .

OP posts:
Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:46

We actually hail from the same city and have mutual friends . He's single .

OP posts:
AMuser · 14/05/2023 22:48

AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:44

Yeah he sent the letter as "proof " I think but the. We've had two weekends since - I said I'd leave it with him to arrange a reschedule and he's made no attempt.

Show quote history

Ok … so he may be single.

But he’s clearly not in any way looking for a relationship or he would have arranged to meet you 106 weeks ago!!

Glad you’ve blocked him. Don’t engage. Knock any of these weird online “friendships” on the head. They absorb time and energy that can be better spent on yourself, actual friends and forming a romantic relationship.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:49

He seems shy and I was lacking energy and enthusiasm for more online shite .
So we chatted and that's been that .

I've blocked . It was taking up headspace. I need to get my head around the fact I'm going to die alone .

OP posts:
Straycatblue · 14/05/2023 22:49

Have you ever video called him? Have you spoken on phone ?

How do you know you are really talking to this famous man?
You should watch a few episodes of Catfish (earlier seasons are much better)

Very common for a last minute hospital appointment to come up on day of the meeting or a sudden family bereavement/ill relative to avoid having to meet the person in real life , often because they are insecure about appearance or some other reason

Very easy to fake a hospital letter.

Have you posted about him before = i remember the horse stuntman as its not common

Doyoumind · 14/05/2023 22:50

Well I am cynical. Are you 100% sure he is who he says he is?

HaggisBurger · 14/05/2023 22:51

AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:49

He seems shy and I was lacking energy and enthusiasm for more online shite .
So we chatted and that's been that .

I've blocked . It was taking up headspace. I need to get my head around the fact I'm going to die alone .

Don’t be so dramatic. Instead of that self pitying stuff, read The Rules, value yourself and get back out there with some self respect.

And stop making excuses for men.

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 22:54

Yeah we've video called and talked in person .

He lives up the road from my adopted mum .

He's not really "famous " as such - he's more behind the scenes on film and tv as a stuntman.

He's got two grown up dd and the what's app chat was frequent. He's sent me all his latest updates on the work he does and his
Horse . He is who he says - we called and FaceTimed . It's just a friendship that's goi g no where- he said he'd fancied me from day one , so I suggested a weekend meeting , then he got the cst scan , I said fine we can postpone, awkward chat ensues
I asked outright if he felt the time for meeting had passed
He didn't t answer.

OP posts:
AMuser · 14/05/2023 22:56

Doyoumind · 14/05/2023 22:50

Well I am cynical. Are you 100% sure he is who he says he is?

Don’t think it’s worth the energy thinking about it. He is either:

a) a massively avoidant horse stuntsman who wastes women’s time OLD and likes a pen pal

Or

b) a catfish / in another relationship.

Neither will provide OP with a healthy relationship so it’s kind of irrelevant isn’t it?

Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 23:00

I e deleted him and blocked . It was obvious that he wasn't wanting to meet now and it was starting to bother me that it was taking up headspace.

I'm concentrating on my hobbies and friends.

I'm off dating so he was the last person really
From that period of my life where I was trying to find something.

OP posts:
Original poster
AnyaMarx · 14/05/2023 23:02

I made loads of make pen pal mates - who I chatted to
For ages before they found someone and it dwindled out .

I'm not
Made for a relationship clearly !

OP posts: