Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

3am text

44 replies

CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 11:16

Is it normal for exes to message at 2/3am? I wouldn’t message anyone at this time but my ex always seems to think this is ok (I have spoken in the past about it) other people have said they wouldn’t be bothered about it so maybe I’m overthinking it and it’s fine? Im assuming it’s a drunk text but it just reminds me that he gets to go out drinking with his friends whilst I’m stuck in with the kids every night like he’s rubbing my face in it so maybe I’m just bitter and it’s ok to text at this time?

OP posts:
Neverinamonthofsundays · 14/05/2023 11:23

What is he texting about or is he trying his luck to get a shag? No it is not acceptable for ANYONE to message you at 3am let alone an ex.

ClaraBourne · 14/05/2023 11:23

Depends- if it's a call for help it's ok but if it's how are you fancy a shag it's a drunk text and you should ignore.

Original poster
CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 11:24

No nothing inappropriate just saying he hopes me and the kids are ok.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 14/05/2023 11:27

He’s obviously thinking about you.

perfectcolourfound · 14/05/2023 12:10

It sounds like drunk texting. Noone sober would think to text to see if you're OK at 3am.

Whether or not it's 'normal' if it bothers you, just leave your phone on silent or in another room.

Namechange666 · 14/05/2023 12:14

It's a reach out for a booty call usually.

NurseCranesRolodex · 14/05/2023 12:23

Whatever the reason, it's selfish and inconsiderate. I'd put phone alerts off at weekend nights, if that's the pattern. It's not fair for you to be in bed, your dc sleeping and at the back of your mind not being able to relax. If he is your dc father, does he look after his children at weekends too?

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/05/2023 12:30

He's drunk, probably horny and because of that thinks he made a mistake in splitting up, because if he hadn't he could be having sex right now.

He probably wakes up and thinks "Why the hell did I do that?"

Hell121 · 14/05/2023 12:30

Did it wake you up? I couldn’t get wound up about this to be honest - I’ve drunk text and been drunk texted - it’s part of life these days I would have thought! Just ignore.

Original poster
CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 12:35

NurseCranesRolodex · 14/05/2023 12:23

Whatever the reason, it's selfish and inconsiderate. I'd put phone alerts off at weekend nights, if that's the pattern. It's not fair for you to be in bed, your dc sleeping and at the back of your mind not being able to relax. If he is your dc father, does he look after his children at weekends too?

Exactly I had been up late because I had a vomiting child so I didn’t appreciate this no he doesn’t have them overnight

OP posts:
Original poster
CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 12:35

Hell121 · 14/05/2023 12:30

Did it wake you up? I couldn’t get wound up about this to be honest - I’ve drunk text and been drunk texted - it’s part of life these days I would have thought! Just ignore.

An ex you broke up with 6 years ago? I don’t get drunk texts from anyone tbh only him and we broke up 6 years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 12:36

And yes he is the father

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 14/05/2023 12:38

Anyone could text me at that time and would be no issue because I keep my phone on silent overnight and only pick up messages in the morning. Maybe you need to do that?

Temporaryanonymity · 14/05/2023 12:38

Why doesn’t he have them overnight? You can return the drunk text favour then.

Throughalookingglass · 14/05/2023 12:40

Does he text you when he’s sober?

Drunk texts mean nothing. I spent years thinking they were a sign of regret. During this time he met, had a child with and married another woman.

They are only a result of boredom and alcohol. You may not be the only person receiving them from him.

Dotcheck · 14/05/2023 12:40

Well, turn your phone/ notifications off, and then ignore it.

Original poster
CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 12:43

I have elderly and disabled parents so would prefer not to turn my phone off at night for emergencies. Not sure I should have to it’s weird to drunk text an ex maybe if it was a very very recent break up I can understand.

OP posts:
YouDoYouHun · 14/05/2023 12:49

It seems like there's a reason you want him to message and want to see if anyone else suggests that reason to validate it? Are you wanting to try again with him by any chance or hoping he still holds a torch for you and that's why he's mesaaging because your on his mind?

If you don't like the messages, why not just tell him to stop them? Or mute his notifications when he doesn't have the kids? Not really sure why you'd start a thread about it, there could be lots of reasons for the messages, who knows, but why do you care? If they are unwelcome, then let him know and put a stop to it.

Original poster
CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 12:53

YouDoYouHun · 14/05/2023 12:49

It seems like there's a reason you want him to message and want to see if anyone else suggests that reason to validate it? Are you wanting to try again with him by any chance or hoping he still holds a torch for you and that's why he's mesaaging because your on his mind?

If you don't like the messages, why not just tell him to stop them? Or mute his notifications when he doesn't have the kids? Not really sure why you'd start a thread about it, there could be lots of reasons for the messages, who knows, but why do you care? If they are unwelcome, then let him know and put a stop to it.

No absolutely not and as I’ve said I’ve spoken to him about it! I can’t stand the man which is why I don’t understand why he is doing this if you don’t understand the point of the thread then no need to comment I don’t comment on loads of threads I don’t see the point of this is about his lack of boundaries and there are other issues and I think this just proves his lack of boundaries towards me but Im made out to be paranoid I can’t stand the man so no I’m not hoping to get back together

OP posts:
SpringIntoChaos · 14/05/2023 12:55

Well you know no it's not ok...so turn off any notifications from his number 🤷‍♀️ Not sure why you need to ask, it's not like anyone is going to tell you it's completely fine!

Original poster
CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 13:01

Yes they have which is why I said I posted I been told by people they wouldn’t mind

OP posts:
Sandybabey · 14/05/2023 14:35

What do posters think of phone calls at say 5am in the morning? Just something my ex does from time to time

BadGranny · 14/05/2023 14:44

Set your phone to ‘do not disturb’, and then set up an exception for your parents’ phone number.

Original poster
CadburyDream · 14/05/2023 15:07

Sandybabey · 14/05/2023 14:35

What do posters think of phone calls at say 5am in the morning? Just something my ex does from time to time

What does he call you for? I don't speak to my ex on the phone at all if he called I wouldn't answer

OP posts:
crosstalk · 14/05/2023 15:13

I'm with @BadGranny. Just set your phone to only alert you to calls/texts from them between say 2100-0800.