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Relationships

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Original poster

Guy showing interest now I'm slimmer - what to think?

65 replies

unsurefornow · 13/05/2023 12:33

[Name change] What would you think if this happened to you?

I've slimmed down a fair bit just through being more active since the pandemic ended.

Now an old acquaintance is flirting and showing interest in me. Granted, perhaps nothing may come of it but part of me thinks: "You weren't interested in me before, so it's very superficial now and you don't like me for me". On the other hand I admit I wasn't looking my best before, although I wouldn't say I look that different now but men do seem to notice (if you're someone who looks great at a bigger weight please don't be offended, I never did carry my weight well; I know others look great).

Somehow I feel like if he genuinely liked me, he would have liked me before, though 🤔

How would you feel in my position?

OP posts:

Boomshock · 13/05/2023 17:39

I'm reading everyone's thoughts and taking them in! The thing is, would I like him at a bigger weight? Yes, I think I would. It's a bit one-sided, isn't it? For fatter and for thinner, that's want I want him to feel lol

It's so painful to feel this way, to think I am going to avoid someone I like because I know it's not real.

This is a bit dramatic OP. Sometimes attraction grows over time, or it could have been a case of him not being in the frame of mind for flirting and dating.

And the 'for fatter and thinner" stuff is something that develops after time when feelings are established.

"You weren't interested in me before, so it's very superficial now and you don't like me for me"

Even if it was the weight loss that made the difference, that's not superficial. Generally people date those who have feel a spark with and someone that they're attracted to physically. Dating people you're not physically attracted to is often an extremely foolish idea and often doesn't end well.

theGooHasGone · 14/05/2023 15:15

It seems totally obvious to me that someone would be more likely to find you attractive at a lower weight. Don't you feel the same way about yourself? I certainly did when I lost a lot of weight.

It isn't a character flaw, most people who say they don't care how much someone weighs when they're initially looking to date are lying. Of course it's different after you've been together a while, but initial attraction is almost always based at least partly on looks, and weight is a huge part of that.

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face if you're into the guy and he's into you. Trying to push an idealist "people should like me at any weight" view won't get you anywhere. Attraction is biological.

JenniferBooth · 14/05/2023 15:33

Its up to you OP but you only need to remember one thing. You dont owe ANY man a date or a relationship. So only go on a date with him if YOU want to and if you feel comfortable enough with him

Beanscene · 14/05/2023 20:41

I've had the opposite experience, I was a size 12 for a while due to birth control which for my height etc... was large to me... I felt I got a bit more attention then. Am back to my normal sze6/8 and I get no attention whatsoever 🤣.

Original poster

unsurefornow · 14/05/2023 21:48

Not sure he would want to date me, honestly! It's more the attention that has got me thinking.

I miss him when he's not there! And I worry about him and how he's doing. But I know deep down it's not right, I plan on avoiding him and stop myself from liking him.

OP posts:

Original poster

unsurefornow · 14/05/2023 21:48

@Beanscene That's surprising! Any idea on the reason?

OP posts:

Beanscene · 14/05/2023 22:19

I've no idea, it'd be interesting to know. Although I've never been a 'sexbomb' 🤣 am in a happy relationship now luckily. Would just go with your gut feeling and how comfortable you feel around him

AnotherDayOfSun · 15/05/2023 05:34

Was he at least kind and respectful before, when he didn't like you? You can tell a lot about a man by how he treats the women he is not attracted to. If he was at least nice, then that is a point in his favor.

JessieLongleg · 15/05/2023 07:48

@DivorcedAndDelighted

He is definitely trying to punish myself as he believes if a fat person is shamed for their weight they will lose weight.

I have been with the person for 20 years, I'm a big person. Even in the height of my eating disorders never made it below size 16 as I have wide hips and naturally big bum. When he pointed out the baby has a big bum like mum it wasn't a positive comment.

I would like to think after such time someone is attracted to the person first age changes many things. I remember when he had a full head of hair which I loved. Don't tell him to get a hair transplant to have sex with him. That would be shallow and rude. Illness can change how we look as it has to myself.

By not being shallow doesn't mean we would fuck everyone. But for example a guy I was seeing, when separated, wasn't that handsome, could do with a few less takeaways etc. But he is an interesting person with conversation, We share different communities such as he is a boater like myself and we work well together. That is attractive. Shame he is heading abroad long term and doesn't want kids. But when we slept together he would always cuddle my wobbly bits.

Right now my husband has had to sleep in my bed when visiting as the sofa bed has been returned as damaged and he will not touch me.

When I was 10kg lighter 6 months pregnant called my body disgusting and said he would never find loose skin attractive.

So unless I lose weight and undergo extensive cosmetic surgery then he will never find me attractive.

It's worse than just being punished I'm being put in a situation where being punished and there is no way to lift that punishment.

As soon as I have my knee operation we are divorced. I need to keep calm to work with him looking after the baby or the baby will have to go into care for the recovery.

MakesMeFeelSad · 15/05/2023 08:13

It wouldn't bother me. I lost 4.5 stone 5 years ago and the same happened , although nor with someone I was really friendly with .

I met a guy last year who I was instantly really attracted to and then he shaved his beard and that was it, attraction gone completely

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 13:50

@JessieLongleg You are married to an absolute cunt.

guineacup · 15/05/2023 14:38

Beanscene · 14/05/2023 20:41

A size 12 is generally within the range men will find physically attractive, often more so than size 6-8 which may be seen as too skinny.

guineacup · 15/05/2023 14:42

unsurefornow · 14/05/2023 21:48

@Beanscene That's surprising! Any idea on the reason?

Not really... Many men like the curves of a size 12 than the skinniness of a size 6.

flowergrain · 15/05/2023 14:42

As soon as I have my knee operation we are divorced. I need to keep calm to work with him looking after the baby or the baby will have to go into care for the recovery.

Good for you and good luck! What an awful person he is. @JessieLongleg

Beanscene · 15/05/2023 15:09

Ah OK, thanks for your reply and clarifying this . I always knew that there was something wrong with me👍👍👍

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