Insecure partner should I leave?

[Relationshipweirdness]

I don't know if I'm overthinking but here goes.

My boyfriend of a year is acting really odd. He talks often about how women don't need men anymore and men can be falsely accused of things which I find strange. I have a boy with my ex and he has accused me of still being in a relationship with my ex. I said I'm not we just Co parent which he says is still a relationship together. He doesn't believe me when I say I love him and he constantly makes me feel frustrated with these accusations and it's draining.

I recently started a new job and earn more than him. He says he's happy for me but I think he feels threatened as I have gelled with my new colleagues really well. I think hw is insecure as he wants to be together all the time. My boy had a week with his dad and then was going to have a week with me. My bf was annoyed he couldn't meet us both when I said that my boy needed time to catch up with me.

I mentioned in passing that I felt insecure with changes to my body since having my boy. Within a few hours he started talking about how he follows a certain oung woman on Instagram who posts bikini pics of her. I feel like he did this to make me feel worse about my own hang ups as he never mentioned her before and whilst I don't expect him not to notice attractive women he made a point of sharing after I mentioned i felt low about my body. I feel he did this to get a reaction. He has a history of comparing me with a couple of his exes though saying what they did great (although he bad mouths them on occasion). He said his last ex abused him.

I said I wasn't happy with this behaviour and he said I was an abusive narcissist looking to control him and he has no problem me talking to my ex or having male friends as most boyfriends would which is bollocks and how would I feel if he tried to stop me having thst?

My boyfriend doesn't see his friends, has issues at work and he is 12 years older than me. He says he's having a mid life crisis. I feel drained but he says I'm overreacting. I do just want to leave him. I haven't responded to him calling me an abusive narc and controller as I honestly don't know how to.

I'll give those videos a go. First relationship since I split with DS dad and it took a lot to get back out there. I feel like I'm mourning for a man that never existed. I don't want this to affect me dating in the future. Any suggestions on how to move forward?

He's texting me asking if he's still blocked as I have been NC this whole time. I'm thinking staying NC is the right thing but online advice is to make it clear any communication is unwanted. What should I do?

Sorry guys this man is still bombarding me with messages calling me a liar and to provide proof he did these things (done to my face I can't prove). He says I need to see someone due to my issues and he is refusing to accept me posting his stuff he insists I am to wait until he contacts me and he will come over to exchange things. I've had a disclosure from police since this happened and he is being really aggressive in his messages.

Tell him that as he is now harassing you you will be keeping a record of all contact and reporting it to the police.

Don’t meet him to exchange stuff. Contact the police again and tell them you feel unsafe and that he is refusing to allow you to post them. Ask them if they can facilitate it and drop the things off on your behalf.

How many red flags do you need? get out!

Stay NC and post his stuff (signed for if possible so he can’t accuse you of not posting them).

You don’t owe him anything or any explanations.

If you do post them it absolutely must be signed for otherwise…

He accused his ex of abuse and is taking her to small claims for theft as she did not return his items

Also take photos of the open box containing the items, the sealed box, the post office receipt and save the email that tells you it’s been signed for.

Personally I would be reluctant to send via post in case it went missing or it was signed for by the postie (as sometimes happens).

This.

Contact the police.

Liars must accuse other people of lying, otherwise their entire world collapses.

You don't need to prove shit to him. You know what happened.

It's your place; he has no right to come over and exchange things, or indeed come over at all.

It must be weird for him suddenly not being able to call the shots. Tread carefully, as he will be looking for ways to assert his dominance again.

What do you mean disclosure from the police?
Anyway speak to them. Report him as he is harassing you

Also you don't need to prove anything. He's a controlling bastard. You can dump him for whatever reason you want. He just doesn't like that and can't handle the truth about himself.

Glad you've got out. But please involve the police as his behaviour is continuing and I note it's been some time since you started this thread

Clare law disclosure sorry. DS dad has offered to take the stuff and do the full exchange should I take him up on it? Don't want him dragged into anything but might be better to have another witness?

Have the police or women’s aid suggested how you can ensure his belongings are returned to him without false accusations that you’ve withheld or lost/damaged goods? Is it worth contacting his and asking her if this is what he did to her?

Id try and get two folks to return goods. I’d do images or video of the goods being safely removed. And get them to do a discreet video of them being dropped off.

or could he collect from yours (with someone else in whilst you are out) on a set date and if he doesnt collect it on a date you set then you state you’ll dispose of things?

id get a free consultation / legal advice from a solicitor

Yes, I would take him up on it.

Assuming dear sons dad isn't a wanker who'll hold it against you/do something to mess things up worse I would take him up on it.

Alternatively, does ex have family you could drop the stuff with?

Or you could pay for storage facility somewhere for a month and post him a key (Keep a spare incase he won't go). Tell him they've been instructed to throw out everything after that 1 month so he must collect it by then.

Also tell him that if he harasses you further you'll call the police.

Yes but tell him not to go alone. Reply to one text and tell him that his stuff will be dropped off, that he is not to contact you, and that if he turns up to your home then you will call the police.

Oh and if you go with storage (safestore maybe) then make sure to tell him in writing the date he can collect things until. And screenshot that. And his reply, proving he has seen it too.

Maybe don't put his name on the access list so he doesn't extend the time using your card though. But with key and locker number ge can find it.

He will probably make an allegation that your ex threatened him. I would just send the stuff by recorded/signed for delivery and take photos and an inventory, and also block him on all forms of contact. He's just trying to perpetuate the drama for as long as he can.

Or you could pay for storage facility somewhere for a month and post him a key (Keep a spare incase he won't go). Tell him they've been instructed to throw out everything after that 1 month so he must collect it by then.

Don’t do this. Considering he’s got form for it, it could open things up to litigation.

So could having her bf drop stuff round. Either way he can still go 'oh you haven't gave me everything'.

Àt least if he has a month to collect at his own leisure he has a month to say if anything is missing and she can put that to the storage too. And he can say fuck all after that because ge was told where it was and how long he had to get it.

Thanks everyone. What I might do is pay a solicitor to make an inventory and them to send it?

If it was me I’d make an inventory of his stuff, photo the items out of the box, the packed box and then send signed for delivery and keep the proof. Send him one last message telling him it’s been posted as signed for and then block him.

I can’t imagine there is any solution here that guarantees he won’t take you to court but this solution should be enough evidence that you returned his stuff. I’d assume his gear isn’t gold bullion or anything worth a lot and all he’d be entitled to in court if you didn’t return it is the value of the items in their current condition…. Can’t imagine it would be more than a couple of £100 and I’d pay that to be able to block and forget this nut bucket!

Why would you waste money on that?

Call 101 and ask for advice because he's threatening you and being unreasonable.

STOP MESSAGING HIM!
Dont accuse him of anything - you’re just adding fuel to the fire! Stop engaging!
He can’t ‘refuse to let you post his items back!’…. Just photograph, pack it, photograph again….. get a couple of friends to witness what’s inside and go to the post office with yoju and witness you posting it…. Post it if as a signed for
package and ask for special instructions saying that the names person and only the names person can sign for it…

Is he holding back any of your stuff?

Call womens aid again for advice.

change your locks if there’s any chance he has a key. Inform your work that he’s threatening you, in future anyone who wants to meet your son quickly into the relationship or resents you spending time with your own child… dump straight away!
For goodness sake stay single for a while now, find yourself again and put your son first.

Throw his shit in a skip and report every single he does to the police.