Inappropriate work crush. Help!

[ChrisTrepidation]

I need some tips for getting over this because I am currently feeling like a sad pervy old woman :(

I'm 44 and have a completely pathetic crush on a 24 year old work colleague. We are both female (I'm bisexual)

I've been single for 3.5 years since my ex husband walked out on me and our very young DC. I don't get any opportunity to meet people in real life and my opportunities are already pretty limited by the fact I don't want to date men anymore. I've tried dating apps but have gotten no where. I did go on a couple of dates with a woman last year but for numerous reasons I decided not to pursue any further.

I'm only in the office with this young woman a few times a week but find myself getting so excited on the days I know we'll be working together. I think about her loads on the days she isn't around and just thinking about her makes me feel so happy.

I know it's pathetic, won't ever go anywhere and I should be ashamed but I don't know how to stop myself.

I need advice from others who have dealt with inappropriate, unrequited crushes please. I already feel like an utter loser in love and this really isn't helping.

Fortunately you understated and have stated that it's inappropriate, unrequited,it's pathetic and you should be ashamed.
So that leaves you with keeping your mouth shut,don't jeopardize your job and DO NOT make her feel uncomfortable.
You are not a teenager,so grow up.

I had a couple of work crushes in the past! Both times on my boss (a different boss each time - one male and one female). I am sure it will pass over time but my advice is don’t indulge the crush by daydreaming/fantasising about it, try to act normal round the person and focus on other good things in your personal life which are happy and fulfilling.

I think pp maybe little harsh with delivery but I agree it's good that you recognise its inappropriate and unrequited because I think that makes it less likely that you'll make them uncomfortable or embarrass yourself. Nobody picks a crush it just is what it is but how you handle it is to consider why this person. Is it a fantasy you're leaning on because you're feeling a bit lonely, do they have certain traits you admire that you could look for elsewhere. I think you need to open up your social network, take on some new hobbies or volunteer. That means you will naturally meet more people, will feel hopefully less lonely and more fulfilled and ideally meet someone lovely who you've more in common with? It would help you take focus off the person you work with.

@ATornadoHitMySmallTownTonight why should she be ashamed? People find people attractive and that’s normal. There is an age gap but they are both adults and your comment is really unkind. OP is clearly troubled by it and has not given any indication that she is going to act on her crush or is having wild fantasies about her colleague.

Don't be hard on yourself. Its just a crush and no one can control who they fancy no matter how inappropriate. Just make sure that you keep it to yourself and don't act in any way that means she would know about it. It's unlikely to go anywhere. There's a huge age gap, she's your colleague and I assume you don't even know if she's into women. Unfortunately there's not much you can do to kill a crush, but they usually fade over time. When you find your mind wandering to her, try to distract yourself and think about something else. Maybe you could give dating another go and pour your energy into that.

It just means you are ready to date. Join a dating site and have fun!

Avoid colleague- mixing work and pleasure never works

Completely unnecessary and rude @ATornadoHitMySmallTownTonight .

OP doesn't have anything to be ashamed off. Really unkind of you. Please learn some manners, you can cause real harm by speaking like that to people so please stop.

It will pass OP :)

You have nothing to be ashamed of, OP. They happen to everyone. Breathe, enjoy it, don’t make it her problem, and know it will pass eventually.

I know it's pathetic, won't ever go anywhere and I should be ashamed butknow it's pathetic, won't ever go anywhere and I should be ashamed but I don't know how to stop myself. I don't know how to stop myself. OP

To those who responded how harsh my response was....If your daughter was the "fascination" of the OP.....

I am telling it like it is.I won't tiptoe around this subject bc it might hurt your feelings.

I only quoted OP.
Thanks though.

@Ilovetea42 I'm already rushed off my feet with 5000 different responsibilities and a very time consuming hobby (plus being a lone parent to two pre school age DC) I simply don't have time to add more to my plate unfortunately.

@Furbfurbfurb I have tried dating sites and it's honestly just soul destroying. I get chatting to women but that's all they ever want to do..chat! When I ask to meet for real they make excuses.

It sounds defeatist but I've kind of accepted I'll probably be alone now. I'm not overwhelmingly lonely as I'm too busy normally. I do go patches of feeling down about it though because I'm only human!

Just to make it clear I'm not letching over this young woman like some bloody perve. I'd never do anything to make anyone uncomfortable.

I'm sure it will pass. I just need to let it out somewhere as I'm not when out as bisexual to most people in real life. It seems pointless to even tell people given I'm painfully single anyway.

I agree ashamed is a bit harsh, but perhaps embarrassed would be suitable.

And no we haven’t all had fantasy’s / crushes on people twenty years younger than us. I expect if OP was a man he would have had a less sympathetic response.

Wow get a grip. They have a harmless crush, it's not pathetic or to be ashamed of its normal. There is nowhere that the OP gas said she makes the woman uncomfortable, she's just saying she has a crush ffs

Enjoy it! I had a similar work crush and the excitement helped me lose over a stone and completely transform my appearance. It was soooo thrilling.

I still work with him but I'm over the crush now, in fact he's a bit of a dick if truth be told. I actually miss it though, it was one of the most exciting times of my life but THANK GOD I never stepped over any line and made an utter arse of myself.

DP is unaware any of this happened. Weirdo.

@Gcsunnyside23 I would never make her feel uncomfortable. She has zero idea I fancy her. We get on really well but I would never say or do anything inappropriate.

@MorrisZapp I'm glad you found your crush a positive thing. Was your crush a similar age though? I just find mine depressing because I know I'm too old for her and she'd never be interested (and it wouldn't be right to take it further even if she was)

Sorry I wasn't directing what I says to you but the horrible person telling you to be ashamed of having a harmless crush. Your post didn't come across at all like you would be inappropriate or anything. I would'nt let your age put you off but I get it that you can't move on it as you work together

Given that there’s absolutely nothing to suggest the OP is making her feelings in any way her colleague’s problem, it wouldn’t be harming my daughter.

@Gcsunnyside23 My ex husband was younger than me and that's put me off age gap relationships for life.

I suppose i do often struggle to relate to people my age though. All the women at my age love to make subtle digs about the fact I can't cook/aren't obsessed with home improvement etc. Basically all the things that seem to define a woman as a 'grown up' in my neck of the woods. I always feel like an imposter masquerading as a grown up. I don't know why as I have a home, DC and a frankly rather staid life since I became a mum!

Ah don’t over think it, don’t ever broach it with her, know you’ll never act on it but just enjoy the feeling before it passes!

@ATornadoHitMySmallTownTonight
You have misunderstood my post. Obviously you got the word ashamed from the OP!
But just because OP said she felt ashamed it doesn’t mean she should feel ashamed.

Your comment about daughters is ridiculous too! The woman in question is 24 not a child and OP hasn’t done anything at all inappropriate.

I fancied a guy at work years ago. I often wondered should I have married him. We didn’t sleep together but I wished we did. I love my hubby. I couldn’t ever have cheated on him. No regrets there. I often dream about the work colleague 35 years later. Lots of chemistry. I suppose lots of people cross our path.

crushes might be inconvenient but they're never inappropriate - after all, no crushes, no next generation

It’s only inappropriate if you’re her senior workwise

I'm fairly confident that like most young women my DD is viewed in this sort of way by more than one older man on a fairly regular basis. In fact I know it. They're not discreet and don't care if its imappropriate. Given the harassment of women by men and the danger that can put her in, I'd save my concern for that, rather than worrying about what another woman is thinking in the privacy of her own head.
Particularly not one with the self awareness and motivation of the OP, who is guilty of no more than intrusive thoughts.