Is it unreasonable to go away with a friend when you're in a relationship?

[mae2014]

Is it unreasonable to go away with a friend when you're in a relationship?

Just that really, needing a little reassurance.

Been a bit rocky with my DP for a while dealing with his moods/tempers, walking on eggshells, and thankfully as of today after 4 years of asking he's gone to the doctors and is being referred for bipolar/ADHD.

After being broken up with for the 10th time in one of his moods, I did move out to my dad's for 2 weeks and the same day he ended things, my best friend asked if I fancied a holiday and I said F it and booked it. ( for 10 days in June)

He's always promised to change when he does this, but I said there's no us unless he gets help - which he has now done this morning - but I'm now doubting myself wondering if I did the right thing in booking the holiday and if am I now causing another issue for an argument,

Wrecking my head over the conversation that's to be had about it and I know it's only going to rock the boat :( I've asked him how would feel if I went away with said friend and he said its fine. But I know once the mood comes.. it'll be a huge argument :(

Please be kind, its causing me lots of anxiety x

Of course it’s fine. The fact you think otherwise is very worrying.

bin this controlling loser.

Don't know if you are joking because he is well known for being a massive warhammer fan

@mae2014 please don't let your boyfriend ruin this opportunity for you. You've made a lot of sacrifices for him, including moving country. Please put yourself first for once

Go on your holiday.
We all deserve a break.
If he flips out I hope his medications already on hand by then.
Your life - your choice.

Completely normal. DH and I use most of our holidays visitng our friends/family aboard seperately due to not being able to logistally do them together in one trip!

Beware OP - Menthal Health is not an excuse for abusive behaviour, which he clearly displays. If he's agreed to go to the doctor, great, but if things don't change, you need to get tough. He sounds awful.

As for going away - of course it's normal. I'd consider 10 days to be quite long but if you don't have kids, I don't think it's an issue.

Your relationship sounds abusive....of COURSE you can go away with a friend and the fact that you have to question this is concerning (unless there's young children in the mix to think about, which you don't mention so I assume isn't an issue)

Of course it's fine, plenty of people go away on a girls holiday. I moved to N.Ireland from England 6 years ago and I frequently fly over home (now with our daughter) for 7-10 days.
Why doesn't he want you to go away? He sounds controlling to me.

I think my partner likes me going as he can come home from work and live on takeaways, a few beers on the weekend and plays Xbox or paints his models.

No, I had no idea.
That's pretty funny.

This.

He’s an abusive loser.

It’s not just normal to go on separate holidays, it’s healthy.

Wheb you get back I would strongly recommend leaving him.

The fact his family say you are “leaving him” because you occasionally (and quite reasonably) make short trips to the UK to see your own family tells you all you need to know. Seriously, bin them all off.

Of COURSE you should go.

Serious question though. What are you getting out of this relationship, apart from stress, walking on eggshells, misery, and anxiety? Sounds toxic. I couldn't stay with someone like this.

I would be taking a permanent holiday from him

Take a permanent holiday from him indeed!!

Thank you so much mumsnetters..

Turns out when he broke up with me in December on his last tantrum/3 week break up, he had a one-night stand on a night out,

Only found this out about 10 days ago and within one week of me finding out, and him promising me the moon and the stars.. to prove i can 'trust him' and not giving me 'any reasons to doubt him', hes gone on a 48-hour bender :)
So my friend helped me pack up the car last night on the sly whilst he was out drinking... Low and behold he hasnt even been home yet so has no clue.
Here's to now being strong and breaking the cycle xx

Well done for taking action, but that's a horrible thing to find out.
He just wasn't very nice to you, was he? You're well rid.

Awful to be honest :( Just cant be bothered now with the torture coming my way once he realizes I've gone..
Have to just keep telling myself im doing the right thing :(

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Having to walk on eggshells around someone is an infallible sign of abuse you are so much better off without him.

It seems you are still dreading his reactive, even though you have now got out. That's not right, is it?

Block him on all channels. You never need be in touch with him again.

Hurrah, you just have to stay strong. Even when he twigs that you are gone and decided to try the victim or reformed charmer.

NU to go away with a friend when you're in a relationship.

VbloodyU to break up with somebody 10 times due to to your shit behaviour when you're in a relationship.

Have a lovely holiday, OP.

You have absolutely done the right thing here in leaving him.

Do look into the Freedom programme as this could further help you re your own recovery of his abuses of you. Always remember that the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none.

Well done! Just remember now that you owe him nothing. You don't have to explain yourself, or justify yourself, or even answer him, you don't even have to let him contact you.
I think doing the freedom program is a good idea for you, it should help you to establish healthy boundaries in future. Give yourself some self- love and have a brilliant holiday.

Go and enjoy your holiday! And while you are over there, change your phone number and delete this loser from your life!!!
I suspect your friend has been very worried about you for a while which is why she has suggested hol.
The very fact you mention "torture" coming your way screams abuse. Block him on all forms of media and please try and move on with your life. You deserve so so much better!!! And have a cocktail for me while you are away x