I am conflicted over holidays

[Tiled]

I went on holidays last year. My partner likes to cruise and so it was with me on a cruise. He's eager to get another holiday booked again however I am not too keen on another cruise. How do I say this to him? He knows I wasn't happy after last year's cruise.

Last years cruise turned was a mess.
I observed so much that just made my stomach turn. Very few people on that cruise carried out manners.

The first day we took a tour. There was woman sitting across from me on the bus. She was coughing. I observed her. Her chest was gone into some sort of spasm or something. She wasn't able to go 30 seconds without taking a fir of coughing. The coughing was coming deep from within her chest. I knew there was something much more than a cold going on with her than. She never wore a mask and she never even covered her coughs.

Then in the buffet area - it was just the most disgusting thing ever. I would be going around the buffet trying to get some food. Sometimes the place was like a cattlemart. But wouldn't be too bad as such. The stuff I witnessed. I would be carrying my plate around the buffet or taking it to a table and there was so many people just coughing. There was very little manners being carried out on the ship. People would cough into the open without covering their mouths. Coughing was done in any direction into the open. Food and meals were just coughed on. It was the most vilest thing I ever fucking saw.

I suppose people probably felt happy and proud that it wasn't covid being coughed and passed around. I'm not anxious about covid. It could have been TB and people would have been proud that at least it wasn't covid.

There was just very little manners on that ship.

My partner wants to book another cruise again and to be honest, I am not keen on another cruise due to what I observed last year. I became ill last year but not only that I have an underlying condition. The stress of travelling around the airport was also enough to send me into a flare. It was generally an awful time. After the holidays I was about 3 months on and off antibiotics.

This just doesn't appeal to me.
I do see the benefits of cruising but the idea of sharing a space with thousands of other people and very little manners being carried out doesn't appeal to me. I don't like the idea of spending approx a thousand if jot more now due to inflation just to get sick and suffer.

Also I don't feel comfortable booking a holiday at this moment in time. I am waiting on a hospital appointment to get a mole removed and that mole will have to be biopsied. Hopefully it's not cancer but there's something in my mind thinking - 'what if'. I don't want to be in a position of paying a deposit for a holiday and then being in a position of facing the possibility of cancer and sickness on top of it too. What if it is cancer and what if I need to face cancer treatment later on this year. What if I can't go on holidays? We will lose money.

I am happy to play it low key and maybe get away for a long weekend this year to Europe. Maybe fly away on a Thursday night and spend Fri to sun in a European destination. Instead of a week on board a cruise ship and tours.

You sound incredibly anxious. If the stress of doing a very normal thing of going to airport is enough to cause a flare of your existing illness then this is something you need to try to resolve. Have you spoken to your doctor about this?

If you had antibiotics and then stopped and then need more antibiotics this wouldn’t have been from a bacteria picked up on the ship but since you came home.

Tell him you fancy something different this year and don't want to do a cruise?

Just pick a holiday you want to do and tell him it's your turn to choose.

'I wanted to give the cruise a go last year as you love them, but to be honest, it wasn't really my thing. I'd quite fancy X instead, but I'd rather wait for my test results before we book anything.

I generally find airports stressful. I hate airports. The whole entire rigmarole of airports. Rushing, Dragging heavy bags around and finding your desk to check in, going through security and the whole security and emptying the carryon luggage and then firing it all back in. I hate airports. I hate them.

I have an underlying condition and stress is a trigger and unfortunately airports is a stress point for me. It always has been. I hate airports.

I'm prone to infections due to my underlying condition and the holiday was a trigger for a flare that just couldn't get rid off. Then in conjunction with developing whatever the fuck was coughed around on that ship, my chest was so sore for weeks along with my belly and underlying condition.

It doesn't appeal to me to spend the guts of a thousand or more on a holiday when it has the potential to be only a pathway to sickness and a licence into a hospital.

My good at managing my condition at home but any change to my rountine and diet may be troublesome for a flare.

Why can you not simply tell him you don't want to do a cruise? ( its my idea of hell too, no culture in it, cheesy show entertainment, hemned in).
Do you suffer from anxiety in a general sense as you seem to be worried about asserting your needs with your DP which isn't a good sign? Maybe you try to fit in too much with what he wants, on this you have different tastes. There's no way I'd be up for a cruise with any man - ok maybe I'd consider the Caribbean as a one off. You really need to practice saying no to him, it looks like you have a problem with that. A relationship should be equal, so it's your turn to decide this year as you went along with it last year. If he has an issue with that, maybe you are too different- and he's too inflexible.

I think you booked the wrong ship! No need to use the buffet, they have lovely waited restaurants included in your fare on most lines.

That aside, you need to wait anyway as your travel insurance will be infringed by awaiting tests, a proper reason

I’m not saying you should go on a particular holiday or cruise. If you don’t want to go then tell your DH. But if stress makes your condition flare then surely finding ways to reduces your stress levels in the face of things that you may not be able to avoid (holidays are avoidable but not all stresses will be) then surely that will help you overall?

To be honest, the things you describe happening on the cruise don't just happen in cruises - they happen in hotels too!

You clearly don't like going in holiday, so just tell your husband that and he can find someone else to go away with.

So suggest a different sort of holiday then?

OP "The first day we took a tour. There was woman sitting across from me on the bus. She was coughing. I observed her. Her chest was gone into some sort of spasm or something. She wasn't able to go 30 seconds without taking a fir of coughing. The coughing was coming deep from within her chest. I knew there was something much more than a cold going on with her than. She never wore a mask and she never even covered her coughs. "

she might be asthmatic or have GERD cough.

I don't do crowds either if I can avoid it but you sound like you really mustn't consider it.

YANBU - everyone I know who has been on a cruise has come home with a bug. Cruise ships are referred to as Petrie dishes for good reason.

You chose the wrong ship!
Try a more up market cruise line next time.
As a PP has said, you seem incredibly anxious. Also check out health insurance small print too very carefully given your health history.

Why not take a holiday cruise out of Southampton and return there so no flying.

Failing all that, stand up for yourself and say “No, I don’t want to cruise again so let’s do something different please.”

Yeah it sounds like you chose the wrong option; there’s other cruise lines with restaurants not buffets. Maybe you can go for a shorter trip in Europe? Why are you worried about speaking to your dp about it?

There was something going around on that ship. There was an evening restaurant and nearly everyone at the table came down with the same heavy cough. I also became unwell with a stubborn fever. I then had to establish if the fever was a developing chest infection considering many on the ship were coughing or of it was my underlying condition blowing up. At one point I considered getting off the ship at the next port and going to a European hospital to see if I need a CT scan of the belly to see if it was flaring. Then I developed a cough so I presumed it was that but my belly was sore too and it was just everything that hit me together.

So tell your husband you'd like to go somewhere quiet and relaxing. Perhaps don't go abroad if you don't like airports? Plenty of nice places to enjoy here.

If not, why not book a quiet villa on the coast somewhere in Spain or similar, at a quiet time of year?

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

Can’t you just tell him you don’t want to go on a cruise?

My condition is still only relatively newly diagnosed within the past 3 years. I know stress can cause a flare. I know I am also not usually good around airports. I just find holidays extremely stressful. In the run up to the holiday, I'm usually working overtime and then I need to find time to pack. I wasn't expecting the airport to really hit me. My partner was rushing around the airport even though we weren't late. He wanted to rush through and get to through security so that he can relax on the other side. But that rushing caused some havoc. Rushing up escalators and lifting the big heavy bag and dragging it behind me too while nearly sprinting about and then rushing through security. Him being a bag his carry on was small and light. I had a big carry one and I was delayed through security too while he was huffing on the other side. I felt so much pain in my body. I think it was the rushing and the lifting and stress. It was the first holiday after the pandemic and since diagnosis and I really wasn't expecting that. My condition is so silent too. Other people can't see it. It's so hidden. When I am hit with pain, no body sees.

All through the holiday last year, all I wanted to be was at home with a hot water bottle with my GP on speed dial in case it progressed.

I don't think my partner truly can comprehend. He wants a holiday this year and me, of course it would be something nice to look forward too but I am not very interested.

Soz Dave, I'm not going on another cruise after the lack of hygiene on the last one. Its Scotland or Eurostar to Brussels. You choose

Sounds like you just need to talk to your husband. Surely he wouldn’t want you to go on a holiday that makes you ill?

What would your ideal holiday OP? (Not a flight or cruise so maybe uk based?).

But then even taking annual leave seems to be a stress to you if you work overtime on the run up and the task of packing sets of your stress.....

Would you rather take time of work and spend the time at home?

I never really thought about what my most ideal holiday is.

I am not completely against airports or flying. I just can't be rushed around the airport. I was able to run around airports when I was younger but not any more.

I cam see the benefits of a cruise holiday in that it's an all inclusive holiday with flights, accommodation, food and drink included with some sightseeing involved too. I do see the benefits of a cruise. Last years cruise was appalling. There was people coughing everywhere and so many of them never covered their mouths. So many people only ever turned their heads and coughed into someone else's direction or someone else's food. It was rotten.

I did fill out a form with conclusions on how to make a better experience and I explained that along with the safety at sea drill, there should be a drill on hygiene and manners for people to attend to. It should be compulsory. Teach people how to contain germs if they are coughing and sneezing incase there's any contagious infection and teach people how to wash their hands.

Currently, I just domw want to go anywhere.

Or just play it by ear.
Maybe later in the year get a weekend off and relax in an Eastern European destination. I don't know.

I am currently sick with a flare and I am just not interested in booking anything right now.

I think he just wants to get a holiday in. I don't know if he can comprehend my condition that in that I am going in and out from flares.

Well tell him. Do you have communication issues in your marriage generally?

I went on two last year. I came home feeling refreshed and relaxed.