I am conflicted over holidays

[Tiled]

I went on holidays last year. My partner likes to cruise and so it was with me on a cruise. He's eager to get another holiday booked again however I am not too keen on another cruise. How do I say this to him? He knows I wasn't happy after last year's cruise.

Last years cruise turned was a mess.
I observed so much that just made my stomach turn. Very few people on that cruise carried out manners.

The first day we took a tour. There was woman sitting across from me on the bus. She was coughing. I observed her. Her chest was gone into some sort of spasm or something. She wasn't able to go 30 seconds without taking a fir of coughing. The coughing was coming deep from within her chest. I knew there was something much more than a cold going on with her than. She never wore a mask and she never even covered her coughs.

Then in the buffet area - it was just the most disgusting thing ever. I would be going around the buffet trying to get some food. Sometimes the place was like a cattlemart. But wouldn't be too bad as such. The stuff I witnessed. I would be carrying my plate around the buffet or taking it to a table and there was so many people just coughing. There was very little manners being carried out on the ship. People would cough into the open without covering their mouths. Coughing was done in any direction into the open. Food and meals were just coughed on. It was the most vilest thing I ever fucking saw.

I suppose people probably felt happy and proud that it wasn't covid being coughed and passed around. I'm not anxious about covid. It could have been TB and people would have been proud that at least it wasn't covid.

There was just very little manners on that ship.

My partner wants to book another cruise again and to be honest, I am not keen on another cruise due to what I observed last year. I became ill last year but not only that I have an underlying condition. The stress of travelling around the airport was also enough to send me into a flare. It was generally an awful time. After the holidays I was about 3 months on and off antibiotics.

This just doesn't appeal to me.
I do see the benefits of cruising but the idea of sharing a space with thousands of other people and very little manners being carried out doesn't appeal to me. I don't like the idea of spending approx a thousand if jot more now due to inflation just to get sick and suffer.

Also I don't feel comfortable booking a holiday at this moment in time. I am waiting on a hospital appointment to get a mole removed and that mole will have to be biopsied. Hopefully it's not cancer but there's something in my mind thinking - 'what if'. I don't want to be in a position of paying a deposit for a holiday and then being in a position of facing the possibility of cancer and sickness on top of it too. What if it is cancer and what if I need to face cancer treatment later on this year. What if I can't go on holidays? We will lose money.

I am happy to play it low key and maybe get away for a long weekend this year to Europe. Maybe fly away on a Thursday night and spend Fri to sun in a European destination. Instead of a week on board a cruise ship and tours.

He's eager to get another holiday booked again however I am not too keen on another cruise. How do I say this to him? He knows I wasn't happy after last year's cruise.

Why would he expect you to want to go on another one?

Why are you finding it hard to say "I don't want to go on a cruise?" Are you afraid of his reaction, afraid of disappointing him, afraid he'll ignore you and book one anyway?

Sorry this won’t be much help, I personally love airports ( the idea that the whole world could be at my doorstep some day… if I earn the money ha ). But I also have anxiety flares (as in not generalized anxiety every day, it’s periods, have had quite a stressful couple of years) : so for a while I couldn’t stand them : everything you described really, just got so overwhelmed.

A couple of things that helped :
Eurostar is a great option
Only direct flights
Paying the extra (which actually isn’t huge, depends on the airline) for priority booking to skip the queues.
Paying the extra for that calm business waiting lounge thing (that’s expensive though, easiest is to find a quieter cafe there will be a quiet corner that frees up quickly.
Just ask when you’re at the airport for assistance. I had a really dizzy spell on arrival alone once, with huge luggage, and airport personnel were lovely (you do have to handle your luggage though for security reasons unless you’ve actually registered for help for a disability : maybe you could do that?).

Overall first class Eurostar is I found the best (if you book early it’s not a huge premium again). And budgeting for a taxi to not troop around London transport (not an enormous budget as the main transport locations are close enough, depends obviously where you land in London)

As for the locations themselves although I’ve lived in England Im originally from southwest Europe so I second PP recommendations about a quiet Spanish villa. If you can get it not too far to allow for a night in Barcelona it’s so pretty I didn’t feel like I have time to be anxious. Or a camping in a scenic place in UK, etc

Sorry, not hugely helpful I imagine, I guess the idea is put a bit more money (prioritizing and booking early) into the bonus options (if you’re spending 1k I would imagine you can do some of them like I sometimes did). And maybe skip the whole all inclusive group trips for a while, they’re awful when you’re stressed.

(Awful for some I should have said, to each their own, I realized they were for me). A quiet Spanish airbnb on the seafront turned out much cheaper for me anyway (so whichever your equivalents of choice would be in uK maybe, it is nice to have more disposable cash!)

All my siblings live abroad and I haven't seen them since before the pandemic. I have two weeks off for this summer because they are coming home and I will be having time off at home and spending time with them.

Now I think my partner might feel a little jealous and he wants us to go away on our own holiday together. I feel obligated to give him a week away. Truth be told. I hate the idea of another cruise especially what I witnessed last year. Its just a ticket to sickness. I will be paying 1000+ for a holiday just to likely get sick. It doesn't make sense.

Don’t do it then! Can’t you sit him down and say ‘listen I’d like to go on holiday with you but I really don’t want to do another cruise. I didn’t enjoy it last year and my health suffered’. Then find something you’d both like to do. That’s what would normally happen in a healthy relationship. Why don’t you think you can have this conversation with him?

I haven't done cruises, have always wanted to, anyone I know who has done them only have really good things to say. Reading your post actually puts me off, but you get this behaviour most places, I think maybe because you are up close and personal you see and feel it more.

Why are you carrying heavy large luggage around the airport? Can you not check it in? It'll free up your hands and be less stressful.

You need to tell your partner that you don't enjoy cruises or airports and would prefer to do weekends away locally/near.

There's lots of couples who holiday separately, maybe he can do the cruises with a friend and go for a weekend away with you?

Apologies if I’m missing something, I don’t really understand why there is such an issue surrounding the cruises. You get sick on a ship, I mean it seems like such a clear and undebatable issue really. Maybe you got him a little lost if you also detailed all the rest without ‘ranking’ issues (to be honest it took me a little time to triage your OP, but I’m not a native speaker).
Do say he’s free to go on cruises with friends and family if he wishes to (if your finances permit) : I mean I have horrible motion sickness on boats, so we’ve never considered it as a holiday, it was simple because it’s a health issue. And it’s not like a cruise is a necessary experience in life before a certain age or at all. Not going on holiday at all is a bit different, admittedly : would you be willing to post a couple of suggestions about things you’d like in an ideal week holiday ?
It can be very basic (mine is seafront and not breaking the bank!), just to give us a basic direction to try to help guide you with ideas ? I’d think if you enthusiastically suggested something to him he’d be happy you’re on board

Maybe try to post a couple of elements you’d need and enjoy also, and try a tentative list of his ? You seem to have a decent budget (1k is max for my family of 3 everything included, we go every other year, and are of course already very fortunate), so it’s unlikely there would be nothing to suit your interests both

As part of my health issues I have some gut issues. A huge thing for me now is an alternative diet. I wasn't really provided with that last year on board the ship. If there was any fibrous it was usually covered in nuts and seeds which I cam have any more. Then other foods were bad. I had to pick apart sandwiches and pick parts of toppings of pizza and pick out onions and peppers and sweetcorn from dishes. It was actually just awful. That was in conjunction with being in pain and other people not having manners.

Some elements of a holiday that I would need would be somewhat of an all inclusive holiday - flights, accommodation, meals and drinks included. A cruise does provide that.

My most ideal holiday is actually once every few years and do something unique and different and once in a life time opportunity. For example there is a hotel in Australia that is located on the grounds of a zoo. Something like that. Instead of a budget holiday every year - once in a life time opportunity every 3 or 4 or 5 years.

Another type of an ideal holiday for me would be a retreat where I can turn off from the world and recuperate.

I still don't understand why you can't say "I don't want to go on a cruise." Can you explain?

Do you and your DP communicate and discuss what you both want/don't want? It shouldn't be this hard to have a conversation about it.

You can then either reach a compromise and find something you're both happy with. Or if you cant do that have a turn each of picking.

He picked the cruise last year so your turn to pick somewhere this year? That would be a last resort for me and DP as we'd rather find something to make us both happy but if we had completely different tastes that's what we'd do

How old are you OP? How long have you been with your partner?

It sounds like due to your health issues you no longer like to be away from home.

That's fine. But it sounds as though you've definitely developed some issues with anxiety and stress that you could delve into and possibly have some help with.

I'm a very anxious person, but I love holidays. We therefore leave for the airport a couple hours later than necessary and book airport fast track, so we have plenty of time and less queuing. No rushing about at all.

Might that be an option?

Would you be comfortable with him going on holidays without you?

Don't let it put you off, honestly I've cruised many times on many different ships and I've never experienced what op is describing.

Op in your shoes I would just speak to your partner and explain how you feel. If he cares he wouldn't want to put you through a horrible experience again, just be honest and hopefully you can come to an agreement that works for both of you.

OP I think a lot of the people on this tread just don’t grasp what life with a chronic illness is like.

Especially one that you’ve only had for 3 years, where I imagine you probably spent atleast the first year being very ill and trying to find a diagnosis before you could begin to manage things properly. Now it sounds like you’re finding your feet a bit more and learning how to live with the ever looming chance of a flare up. That could be caused by something or could come for no apparent reason. That’s a lot for you and your partner to get your heads round.

In your position I’d probably do a self catering holiday in the U.K. this year, low stress, you can find the food you need. The weather will hopefully still be pretty good and there are some really beautiful places. Or apartments/cottages that are part of a B&B have worked well for us in the past if you want to bed fed/looked after a bit.

Then suggest that you use the money you’ve saved to go on a bigger holiday next year when your health might be more stable and you might be more ontop of things.

You could even begin to think about booking next years more exciting holiday this year if that helps your husband have something to look forward to.

The only thing I don’t grasp is why the OP won’t just tell her husband that she doesn’t want to go on a cruise this year, and they can choose something else together.

Think you picked the wrong cruise OP! Went on a lovely cruise last year from a British port - no flying, and none of the issues you mentioned.

Cruises are horrible. Floating Petri dishes of germs and revolting, ill-mannered people

Have you said to your husband 'I don't want to go on a cruise?'

If so, surely he won't try to force you?

You clearly have some anxieties about holidays and travel. Your DH wants to have a holiday, which isn't unreasonable. Is there a compromise which would make you both happy? Would he be happy to go away without you? Could you plan a few days in a European city? There are plenty of lovely places in the UK if you want to avoid airports and cruises.

What's with all the angst? Just tell him you don't fancy a cruise. Is he likely to try and pressure you or get angry? Otherwise I don't get what the fuss is about.

@CWigtownshire any particular reason you reactived a nearly 2 year old thread?