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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Left my abusive relationship

31 replies

TD7 · 09/05/2023 20:53

I left my abusive boyfriend 2 weeks ago after 13 years black eyes cracked ribs split eye verbal abuse blah blah he was really scary when I left got police involved last night he sent a text saying sorry and hope you find happiness….do you guys think I’ve heard the last of him ??

OP posts:
nodneat · 09/05/2023 23:10

You haven't heard the last of him no, these guys don't go quietly. You'll need to dig deep and not go back. Abusive relationships are very difficult to get out of/away from, it can take multiple attempts. What is your situation? I hope you can access some counselling.

LeavesOnTrees · 09/05/2023 23:13

Well done for getting away.
You can block him, get a new phone number, maybe a restraining order ?
Do your family and friends know what's happened, in case he tries to contact you through them?

MagnificentDelurker · 09/05/2023 23:14

Wishing you the best. Any woman escaping abuse makes the world a better place.

please take care of yourself

MzHz · 09/05/2023 23:15

If you have no reason to have contact with him, sever it. You don’t need to hear from him, he’s just going to try and fuck with your head for his own enjoyment

he hit you ffs. You deserve better - you know this

but huge well done for getting out. I know what that took.

Original poster
TD7 · 10/05/2023 06:54

I have left multiple times gone back through fear but I’m a hundred per cent done this time no matter what I deserve so much more I have known this for a very long time but I’m there now it’s going to be hard the weekends are the worst I’m getting an order done and start councilling today will keep you all updated Thankyou for all of your support x

OP posts:
MzHz · 10/05/2023 18:35

If you remove all contact he won’t be able to get to you.

are you in danger?

Original poster
TD7 · 10/05/2023 19:48

The police are involved I’m ok Thankyou for asking

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 10/05/2023 20:06

I remember when I left my violent 1st husband finally that I would rather die than go back to a life of slavery znd fear with him.
Block him fron everything so you can't get his messages and call the police if he so much as looks at you.
You can do this and yes they do eventually leave you alone but obviously protect yourself.

Original poster
TD7 · 11/05/2023 22:19

Getting police involved and going court will probably get my family intimidated it's just an awful situation

OP posts:
CannotDoThisAnymore · 11/05/2023 23:02

You are very brave. Well done. Block him on everything

Original poster
TD7 · 11/05/2023 23:07

I have but this a man that is not going away anytime soon the weends are the worst ....its so bad I have to pay 100 pounds to get a molestation order to keep him away I work 2 jobs to stay afloat but because I own my house I'm not entitled to get it free ...paying for safety??

OP posts:
Original poster
TD7 · 11/05/2023 23:09

Thanks for your support guys it really does mean so much to me x

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 11/05/2023 23:57

Well done for getting free op.

What do you find hard about weekends? Is it the free time to ruminate on things? I'd suggest getting out of the house. Maybe go somewhere fun but there's no chance of bumping into him. Somewhere that'll keep your mind active. Like a museum or gallery. Or the theatre.

Original poster
TD7 · 12/05/2023 06:50

It’s the evenings it’s all very hard to explain unless you have been in it and this man is a very scary guy it’s not so simple

OP posts:
billy1966 · 12/05/2023 12:57

Have you contacted Women's aid?

Well done for reporting him.

Original poster
TD7 · 12/05/2023 21:33

Thankyou yes I’m getting lots of support …I don’t know what it is but I’m feeling incredibly strong this time I don’t feel sad like I have in the past and definitely no urge to go back

OP posts:
IsThePopeCatholic · 12/05/2023 21:54

Well done, op. Stay strong. Sending you my best wishes for a happier life.

billy1966 · 13/05/2023 00:20

Wishing you extra strength through this.

Original poster
TD7 · 13/05/2023 08:10

Thanks everyone ...every day I different up and down but no matter how I feel its better than being with someone who has disrespected me In so may ways ....he claims to love me but then sends some really vile text insulting me ...then sends nice text claiming he misses me ...he is blocked by the way but my phone saves them in the blocked file ....its good to know what frame of mind he is in ...I never respond and never will ...14 years ad when I was in it believed he loved me

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 13/05/2023 16:08

He will keep texting you until you block him and report him (every time) for harrassment if he (or anyone) keeps trying to contact you.

Hopefully you have a relationship with your local Police? they can prosecute him for harrassment - which may be slower, but cheaper than a NMO. I got a court order as part of the sentence for assault - totally free. But Police were fully prepared to go for a harrassment charge if the assault one failed.

Original poster
TD7 · 14/05/2023 19:19

Got flowers fom him today asking g if he can take me out as he loves and misses me an he says he doesn't know why I cannot see he loves me

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 14/05/2023 19:30

Yes. He's grooming you with flowers and loving words.

He's trying to set you up again ready for his abuse.

And so the cycle continues.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2023 19:33

Throw the flowers out and report this contact to the police. Don't you have a non-molestation order? You need to report every single thing he does to try and contact you.

Do you have security at your home? Doorbell cameras, CCTV, and an alarm system?

TwilightSkies · 14/05/2023 19:35

Stay strong OP. He’ll try every trick to get you back. Flowers, tears, sob stories to your family and friends, threats of suicide……
The abuse and nasty texts he sent, that’s the REAL him.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/05/2023 19:35

TD7 · 14/05/2023 19:19

Got flowers fom him today asking g if he can take me out as he loves and misses me an he says he doesn't know why I cannot see he loves me

He doesn't love you. He wants to possess and control you. You must not ever communicate with him again.