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Original poster

48 and never been married

47 replies

DailyIwillwait · 08/05/2023 08:48

I'm 48 and have never been married - is that strange? Is there still a good hope I could meet someone?

I had one long relationship about 10 years ago and it took me a long time to get myself back together. He neglected to mention he was incapable of being monogamous (that's the sanitised way of putting it!). Bit of a headmelt but I'm ok now!

I've got a good job, own home, great friends, strong family and am quite busy with a few different things that I enjoy. I'm never short on things to do. Never was really bothered about having children. I've struggled with my weight and confidence over the years and so even though I've been told I'm attractive and outgoing, think I'm concerned about putting myself out there on OLD for fear of rejection. The thought fills me with horror! Am currently working on losing a couple of stone and getting fitter and I'm sure that will help my confidence.

I've realised as I get older that other people seem to think it's strange to be nearly 50 and not married. I would actually like to meet someone but a mix of confidence issues and a real feeling of actually being ok with my life, tend to stop me. I think adapting to living with someone would be pretty huge too.

Not sure of the point of writing this other than to say would you find this a bit strange? Is there still a possibility of meeting a sane (ha) man for a decent relationship? I don't think I'd want to be on my own once I was older. Anyone got any encouraging 40+ relationship stories?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 08/05/2023 09:52

You're the same age as me. I'd admire you for not submitting to societal expectations and going your own way. Forging out an independent life for yourself.

Wouldn't really matter what the reality was - that's how I'd perceive you 😁

RuthTopp · 08/05/2023 09:55

I think you might find quite a few on here on reading your lifestyle are quite envious of you !

Nelia5 · 08/05/2023 09:55

Where do you live that “people” think it’s strange that you’ve never been married. I’ve never been married and would never get married, although I have been in relationships. Many of my friends are the same and no one thinks it’s strange.

Maze76 · 08/05/2023 10:05

I’m 46, divorced with no children and I doubt that I will marry again, simply because I don’t want to live with anyone again!
You are not strange, a lot of my friends are childless and never married, I think it’s very common. At our age we have established our careers and have our own homes, a relationship is the icing on our cake.
It’s possible that you could meet your next partner via OLD - just go into with an open mind, and an awareness that you’re probably going to encounter a few less desirables along the way.
Have fun with it!

Oopsiedaisyy · 08/05/2023 11:30

So, I have been married, now 49 and left marriage at 46.

I spent some time post divorce SBNC (single but not celibate) and then found someone I just really click with a year ago on OLD.

You don't have explain or justify your life choices to anyone, but yourself.

Xztop · 08/05/2023 11:33

I'm 45 and have never been married. It's not something that's ever bothered me..I have a terrible track record with men so it's a relief in hindsight!!

emmylousings · 08/05/2023 11:36

I'm same age as you OP. Never married and never would. I would not want to have to compromise about stuff, or enter into complicated legal / financial entanglements. Nobody has ever commented on the fact I've never married. I'm proud of the fact, I'm not buying into a old fashioned, quasi Christian, patriarchal nonsense.

Ted27 · 08/05/2023 11:40

As I'm 57 and never been married, no I don't think it's strange
You sound like you have a good life. Of course there is always a chance you could meet someone.
But doyou really want to be married or do you just want random people not to think its strange.

Doggymummar · 08/05/2023 11:42

DailyIwillwait · 08/05/2023 08:48

I'm 48 and have never been married - is that strange? Is there still a good hope I could meet someone?

I had one long relationship about 10 years ago and it took me a long time to get myself back together. He neglected to mention he was incapable of being monogamous (that's the sanitised way of putting it!). Bit of a headmelt but I'm ok now!

I've got a good job, own home, great friends, strong family and am quite busy with a few different things that I enjoy. I'm never short on things to do. Never was really bothered about having children. I've struggled with my weight and confidence over the years and so even though I've been told I'm attractive and outgoing, think I'm concerned about putting myself out there on OLD for fear of rejection. The thought fills me with horror! Am currently working on losing a couple of stone and getting fitter and I'm sure that will help my confidence.

I've realised as I get older that other people seem to think it's strange to be nearly 50 and not married. I would actually like to meet someone but a mix of confidence issues and a real feeling of actually being ok with my life, tend to stop me. I think adapting to living with someone would be pretty huge too.

Not sure of the point of writing this other than to say would you find this a bit strange? Is there still a possibility of meeting a sane (ha) man for a decent relationship? I don't think I'd want to be on my own once I was older. Anyone got any encouraging 40+ relationship stories?

My partner is 52 and never been married. I am 54 and divorced three times, which would you prefer?

something2say · 08/05/2023 11:44

I'm 48 and have never married either, and no children. Almost own house outright, excellent social life, enjoyable job.

I do kind of get where you're coming from though...but...

Relationships have to enhance one's life.
They have to be equal otherwise I'll know and ask why.
If I will be compromised in some way (financial, social, time wise), then I'll nope out of it.
The way gender politics are right now, I think women have tough choices. Tolerate sexism or be single.

Also in my case, I've been a fool by thinking, weeeell I don't want to get married so this little pink flag? Never mind.

That attitude has led to several five year relationships that I've eventually ended, for the pink flags that turned red. Now I'm saying to myself, all or nothing. No compromise.

It's not strange to be single. Its safe and empowering, and better than constant compromise and tolerating poor behaviour.

BansheeofInisherin · 08/05/2023 11:45

My best friend got married at 49. She just never found the right guy until then. I didn't think it odd. She's very attractive, educated and has all the right qualities too. She did meet her husband on OLD.

Beaverbridge · 08/05/2023 18:08

You're not missing out on much!

BCBird · 11/11/2023 20:53

I'm.54 and never been married either. Never really come close. Had a couple of relationships. Hopefully when head in right place I will be open to meeting someone new. I don't think we are that unusual

Holidayhell22 · 11/11/2023 20:56

No I don’t think it’s strange.

Neverendingstory2 · 11/11/2023 21:15

I’m 52 and have never been married. I have been engaged but that was in my early 20s. Sometimes it feels strange to ME that I’ve never married as I always figured I’d be long term married by now.

however I do know quite a few never married people over the age of 40. My last two exes were never married and both in their mid 50s.

XenoBitch · 11/11/2023 22:05

I am 43 and never married.
Over half of my ex boyfriends met their wives immediately after me though, which doesn't make me feel particularly great.

LucyvanderPelt · 11/11/2023 22:37

I’m 41 and never been married. Better never to have married than have married the wrong person though, IMO. My break ups have been bad enough, the extra stress of divorces would have finished me off.

I think when we get to this age and we’re doing alright financially/own property, we have to be extra careful about marrying because a divorce could be really bad news financially.

occhiazzurri · 11/11/2023 23:00

I am in the same position, early 40s. I think this is more common than it used to be and particularly with professional women- I have five single friends in their 40s who remain unmarried. This hasn’t changed the perception in society though - I still feel singled out when people spend their time talking about family, kids etc and I am constantly having to explain why I am unmarried, am I dating, what is wrong with me practically?

Thoria · 11/11/2023 23:08

I'm your age (married) and have several friends the same age who've never been married.

It's never crossed my mind to think of them as 'strange.' They have high standards and are contented with being single unless someone came along who would genuinely enhance their lives in the long term. I know enough unhappily married women to make me think this is very wise.

MintJulia · 11/11/2023 23:09

I'm 60 and have never married, my choice. It's pretty normal now.

When I look at my married friends lives, I am not envious.

SB1210 · 11/11/2023 23:40

Being married is not all that. I wish id never bothered tbh

LucyvanderPelt · 11/11/2023 23:50

Are you still married @SB1210 ?

BackAgainstWall · 12/11/2023 00:31

No nothing unusual about that at all, and absolutely nothing wrong with the way your life is. In fact, it sounds like bliss to me.

I would also say, be very careful what you wish for.

Don’t rush into anything, particularly financially. It takes a long time to get to really know someone.

SB1210 · 12/11/2023 00:47

LucyvanderPelt · 11/11/2023 23:50

Are you still married @SB1210 ?

Yes. Marriage has not made one iota of difference. Been together 25 years

RaininginDarling · 12/11/2023 00:54

I got married in May at 53. Four friends also married for the first time this year - also in their 50s. Most of my closest, oldest female friends are unmarried. I don't think it's so unusual.

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