48 and never been married

[DailyIwillwait]

I'm 48 and have never been married - is that strange? Is there still a good hope I could meet someone?

I had one long relationship about 10 years ago and it took me a long time to get myself back together. He neglected to mention he was incapable of being monogamous (that's the sanitised way of putting it!). Bit of a headmelt but I'm ok now!

I've got a good job, own home, great friends, strong family and am quite busy with a few different things that I enjoy. I'm never short on things to do. Never was really bothered about having children. I've struggled with my weight and confidence over the years and so even though I've been told I'm attractive and outgoing, think I'm concerned about putting myself out there on OLD for fear of rejection. The thought fills me with horror! Am currently working on losing a couple of stone and getting fitter and I'm sure that will help my confidence.

I've realised as I get older that other people seem to think it's strange to be nearly 50 and not married. I would actually like to meet someone but a mix of confidence issues and a real feeling of actually being ok with my life, tend to stop me. I think adapting to living with someone would be pretty huge too.

Not sure of the point of writing this other than to say would you find this a bit strange? Is there still a possibility of meeting a sane (ha) man for a decent relationship? I don't think I'd want to be on my own once I was older. Anyone got any encouraging 40+ relationship stories?

It’s unlikely to happen for you now OP. Do you have some absorbing hobbies?

Loads of people never get married, I think that societal expectation has massively faded over the past 30 years. I’m 49 and have several friends and relatives in my age group who haven’t got married. They’ve had relationships, but never felt the urge to get married. Some are currently in relationships but don’t live together-sounds great, tbh. 😂

@PurpleSubmarine How do you know it’s unlikely?.. there are 70 year olds tying the knot, what a weird thing to say

This is excellent advice.

Would love to hear your, or your friends' stores. Felt like you girls lived an fascinating life!

I’m 54 and never been married. It’s never been something that’s been a big deal for me.

I was with my ex for 25 years and we share an adult son.

Ive been single a few years but if I did meet anyone then I would make it clear that I’m not looking to get married or cohabitate again. I like my own space too much

At 48 I'd never been married. I'm now 51 and I'm getting married next week.
I did build myself a beautiful life and wasn't actively seeking a relationship but it happened and he truly does enhance my life. I didn't see myself as strange. A daily peruse through the relationships boards made me grateful sometimes for being single.

@ForThisPost1 thanks, I'm not so sure it's that fascinating but: my friends are people I've accrued over decades, usually through work (which was media-related) or through travel or shared interests - I suppose the common denominator is that we've got on with living full lives despite being single and (mostly) child free. Only one of my friends got married when we were in our 20s. She is still happily married. I didn't know anyone who got married in their 30s. I know two people who got married in recent years (for the first time) in their late 40s. And most of my friends are starting to partner up now in our 50s, but with no pressure to have kids themselves and/or navigating stepchildren, nobody's in a rush.

I do think it's more challenging, as we get older, to just allow a relationship to evolve and breathe and become something more - or not. We've all experienced the red flags and experience can make us highly guarded plus years of being alone can make us a little inflexible and/or possibly impatient - and that can make it harder to get to know someone in any meaningful way. Not everyone! But I know I was that person.

I met my husband on Twitter. It wasn't romantic just a bit of chat, which was the Twitter-norm, and that went on for years unromantically (we were both early adopters, back when it was a fun micro-bogging site and not the pitchfork-ready pity party we see today). I was not in the headspace for romance when we finally met, but I'm glad that our online history gave us that connection...it circumnavigated my (above) reservations and gave us a bit more breathing space.

We physically met ten years ago and got married this summer. We're still grinning like idiots about it. My best friend, mid 50s, got married just two months later. It's been quite the year!

I met my ex at school aged 18, got married 26, divd and now in early 40s expect to be alone forever . All my friends are married, some newly actually and bestie at 53 met her dh at 49.
I now totally understand why people choose not to get married. And it's not unusual at all

I can relate to your 'life building, friendship building' years, which kind of make me less anxious. It is reassuring. Guess we chose the road less travelled by, hopefully, it made all the differences.
Thank you for sharing your amazing story.

You're so welcome @ForThisPost1 I think the road less travelled does offer some advantages, not least a less prescriptive view on life's milestones and an opportunity to find out who we want to be next (with the flexibility to pivot). I moved country shortly before my 40th and didn't look back. One of my single friends is about to move to Japan (again, mid 50s). Keep being curious. Comparison is the thief of joy. X

@something2say wrote this up post:

“It's not strange to be single. It’s safe and empowering, and better than constant compromise and tolerating poor behaviour.”

Don’t even think about complicating your life with a bloke. It’s just not worth it.

IF you do, don’t live together and keep your finances separate.

Voice of experience here!

@RaininginDarling I really enjoyed reading your story because mine is pretty similar. Only a few of my friends are married and all the female friends I have or have had over the years (most of them I have met either at work or at social clubs/interests) have been and mostly remain single - there are seven of us ranging from mid 30s to late 40s. One recently got into a relationship in her early 40s, and I wonder what the future holds for the rest of us. And yes, keep being curious and challenging yourself to see things differently!

@RaininginDarling - I forgot to ask, if you don't mind, can you please share your and your friends' attitudes towards not having children. This is the main, if not only, thing that stands between live my life to the fullest and the rush to find someone.

One of my closest friends never married - we’re early 50s. She had a lot of 2-3 year relationships in 20s and early 30s and then it all dried up bar the
odd bit of OLD. She would def like to meet someone but I just can’t see it happening as she’s so used to being on her own now if that makes sense.
Conversely I know sa couple of people who got married in their early 50s too!

this insolent comment / question actually made me gasp

Exactly! @oocchiazzurri 💐

Good question @ForThisPost1 - I always assumed I'd get married and have children but, as my 30s gave way to my 40s, I slowly realised that was unlikely. I wasn't heartbroken about this, it was more a sadness about the loss of that possibility. A definite avenue being lost, if that makes sense? It's not been an obviously defining loss for any of my friends either - except one, in her 60s. By that I mean, it hasn't been overwhelming or a serious block, more a Stoic acceptance of what is.

I was married, divorced years ago. Met my current partner when I was 54. So yes, you can meet someone in later life. We are talking about marriage, although I dont think marriage is important at my age. We live down the road from each other and I prefer it that way, which he understands.
A close friend is 60, met her partner a year ago she's now moving into his house and renting out her flat. They plan to marry. Aside from that, quite a few of my friends have never been married and I don't think anything of it.

I'm 45 and never been married, not planning to be either!

It depends on your country and culture but in British White it's not unusual or shameful. There are long term couples who never marry.

I dont think it's strange. Your life is your own.