Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Leaving baby overnight - OW

49 replies

Moresetting · 08/05/2023 08:09

STBX and OW have their own baby
They have been together long enough to be a legitimate relationship so really she should be called GF I guess

Something is niggling at me
She keeps leaving their newborn. Abroad without baby at 7 weeks post natal. Days out when my kids visit (which is not many hours a week) so STBX has all 3 kids
He probably doesn’t do much parenting outside of this time with their shared child.

It is niggling me for several reasons
I knew she wasn’t a very nice person to be able to do what she did with my STBX but to be able to leave a newborn - does this just confirm that she isn’t a very nice person?
It doesn’t sound like a very stable environment- how will my kids cope if it falls apart? Are the cracks in their relationship starting to show?

I know it’s none of my business how they parent in their time but some Mumsnet wisdom might help my brain which is going overtime.
STBX and his share of the blame in all this is separate issue.
It’s more i can’t understand her mindset leaving a newborn for extended periods of time. I think I’d be concerned about anyone leaving a child this young & just feel more worried because my kids are caught up in this.

OP posts:
ToBeOrNotToBee · 08/05/2023 08:10

As you said yourself. It is none of your business.

Kindly take a step back.

Reasonableadjustments · 08/05/2023 08:10

He's the other parent.

She is obviously fine about it.

I don't think it says anything particular about her.

I left my 3 to go away for almost a week (to a family funeral) when my youngest was about 3 months. I'd hate to think I was being judged for that.

Azandme · 08/05/2023 08:11

You don't need people in here agreeing with you - you need to stop thinking about her.

WiffleBat · 08/05/2023 08:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 08/05/2023 08:12

You are entirely correct, it is indeed none of your business.

WiffleBat · 08/05/2023 08:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Pahpahpotato · 08/05/2023 08:12

It’s absolutely none of your business and using the fact that she’s left her baby with close family and the baby’s dad is certainly not proof she’s a terrible human being.

Reasonableadjustments · 08/05/2023 08:13

Also. I don't parent my OH kids. That's on him. We are too old to have a joint kid but if his kids were at our home (not visiting, they're his kids) I'd definitely be hands off with his and let him have all his own kids at some points so they can do stuff as siblings.

mischlerischler · 08/05/2023 08:13

I don't see an issue with this. She is not leaving her baby with a stranger, but their other parent.

I can understand you dislike her and you have a valid reason, but she is not doing anything wrong when it comes to her baby.

It's none of your business and it will not make you feel any better.

Move on and focus on yourself.

dudsville · 08/05/2023 08:13

I think, completely understandably, you've still got strong feelings about this. Remember that he is the one who cheated on you, not her.

millymollymoomoo · 08/05/2023 08:13

Yabvu

leaving. Newborn with their dad is nothing awful! Does not make her a bad person at all

and your ex should be perfectly able to look after all of his children

get a grip

DustyLee123 · 08/05/2023 08:14

A dad is parenting his own children, what’s the problem ?

Reasonableadjustments · 08/05/2023 08:14

And you have no idea how much parenting he does outside of the times that your kids are there and in point of fact you shouldn't know even that because you shouldn't be quizzing your kids about what goes on in his house.

If they come to you with an issue that is, of course, different.

AuntieJune · 08/05/2023 08:14

I mean, maybe but you should find a way to not care. That's their shit. For all you know, she's struggling with pnd and time away is beneficial for mental health. You don't know and it's not your business.

Get on with your own life. And yes, she's his partner now.

Original poster
Moresetting · 08/05/2023 08:15

Ok that’s me told then!!

OP posts:
LooseFit · 08/05/2023 08:15

I can understand you not having particularly good will towards her, but this is overstepping. This is absolutely none of your business.

PaintedEgg · 08/05/2023 08:15

Let it go - you're seeking confirmation that she is a bad person, bad mother and bad mistake on behalf of your ex

But having life outside of your newborn does not make her a bad person. There are different schools of parenting. Just leave it be

Teenangels · 08/05/2023 08:17

Your STXH, cheated on you.

Their baby, they do as they want, nothing to do with you.

Please step back as this is nothing to do with you.

MushMonster · 08/05/2023 08:17

Do you trust your exH to look after your children on his own?
If so, nothing you need to worry yourself with.
If not, then she is not your problem anyway.

Singleandproud · 08/05/2023 08:18

Whenever DD sees her dad he has her toddler (1/2) sister with him. In fact she much prefers to see her sister than her dad, he is just a side show now.

Leave them be, if their relationship fails it fails and you'll support you DC through it. If it goes the distance then your husband did a shitty thing to you and your children but it worked out. Either way you have to move on and start living your own life without giving them heads pace.

neverenoughchelseaboots · 08/05/2023 08:19

No, leaving your baby with the other parent doesn’t make you a bad person.

They’ve obviously mistreated you so I this isn’t a criticism of you, but that sort of thinking makes things even harder and unequal for women.

DucksNewburyport · 08/05/2023 08:21

It's time to stop judging mums for things that it's perfectly ok for fathers to do. My DH left our newborn with me overnight when he was 2 weeks old (and is a great dad btw).

BodyKeepingScore · 08/05/2023 08:47

She's leaving the baby safely with its father? Why is this a problem? It sounds like you're a bit fixated on her. Child free time doesn't make her a bad parent, no matter what age the baby is.

Starseeking · 08/05/2023 08:48

You need to stop giving these people your headspace and move on with your life.

YABVU to even think of something like this, let alone come and post about it on MN.

Darthwazette · 08/05/2023 08:50

I think it’s a shame she has to repeatedly leave the baby with dad and go out during his time with your children. It would be nice for them either to have one on one time with dad or family time with the whole family. I feel like dad having sole care of a newborn would somewhat take away from the time he has with his older children.